One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall

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1. A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest…the grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00. The boy said “Thank you, virgin Father!” The priest replied, “What did you say?” The boy repeated, “Thank […]...
2. Before performing a baptism, the priest approached Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?” “I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.” “I don’t mean […]...
3. A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out […]...
4. This fellow comes to confession This fellow comes to confession. “Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asked, “What did you do, my son?” “I lusted,” the fellow replied. “Tell me about it,” the priest said. The fellow then related his story. “Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in […]...
5. An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying “I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork…Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, “I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd […]...
6. The priest was preparing a man The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the Devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!” The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to […]...
7. A priest and a lawyer are walking down A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, “How’d you like to fuck that?” To which the lawyer replied, “Out of what?”...
8. Перевод слова priest Priest – священник Перевод слова To ordain a priest – посвящать в духовный сан priest’s trappings – внешние атрибуты священника priest brethren – братья в священстве We thanked the Priest for his kind words. Мы поблагодарили священника за теплые слова. A Priest, vested in surplice. Священник, облаченный в стихарь. A Priest has eased me of […]...
9. Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. “Father!” she cried, “just WAIT until you hear this!” The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, ” Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?” […]...
10. A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out during confession, asks an older priest what he should give a cocksucker. “Oh,” says the older priest, “give the altar boy a dollar or so, if you feel like it. Personally, I never give them more than fifty cents.”...
11. A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, “So how high can you advance in your organization?” The Priest says “If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.” “Well, could you get any higher than that?” asks the Rabbi. “I suppose that […]...
12. I have a question A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float? The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish […]...
13. A priest was vested in his surplus and cassock A priest was vested in his surplus and cassock ready to process at the beginning of the service. His surplus was very ornate and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. A lady touched him on the shoulder and said, “Darling, I love your dress; but your purse is on […]...
14. A priest is walking down the street one day when A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer […]...
15. The local priest came across Paddy who had The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. “Paddy,” he said, ” I’m afraid I’ll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.” “Really, Father?” slurred Paddy. “What have you done?”...
16. Using the Restroom Denzel: Excuse me, where is the Restroom? Server: It’s down the hall, on your left. Denzel: Thanks. When I got into the bathroom, it was a Mess. I walked into a Stall and there was Toilet paper all over the floor. There were no Toilet seat covers and the Toilet wouldn’t Flush. Even the Toilet […]...
17. Irish Religion Humor Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do Father.” The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to got to heaven?” “Certainly, Father,” […]...
18. Buying Bathroom Supplies Jan: We’re almost done. We just need to get some bathroom Supplies for Kimberly. Tim: Okay, here are some Towels, a Bathmat and a Bathroom scale. Don’t forget the cleaning supplies. She’ll need some Rubber gloves, Disinfectant, Bowl cleaner, and a Plunger. Jan: All right. We have all that. Where are you going? Tim: She’ll […]...
19. Buying Bathroom Supplies Jan: We’re almost done. We just need to get some bathroom Supplies for Kimberly. Tim: Okay, here are some Towels, a Bathmat and a Bathroom scale. Don’t forget the cleaning supplies. She’ll need some Rubber gloves, Disinfectant, Bowl cleaner, and a Plunger. Jan: All right. We have all that. Where are you going? Tim: She’ll […]...
20. Перевод слова toilet Toilet – туалет, уборная; костюм, одевание Перевод слова Morning toilet – утренний туалет summer toilets of the ladies – летние туалеты дам toilet stall – кабина в уборной Mummy, I need to go to the Toilet! Мамочка, мне нужно в туалет! She made Tina flush the pills down the Toilet. Она заставила Тину спустить таблетки […]...
21. A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were fishing from a boat not from the lake shore. The pastor had to make a trip to the port-a-potty located on the shore, so he got out of the boat, walked across the water and in the same matter, came back to the boat after […]...
22. Criminal steals lumber A man with a nagging secret couldn’t keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. “What did you take?” his priest asked. “Enough to build my own house and enough for my son’s house. And houses for our two […]...
23. Tommy goes into a confessional box and says Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The Priest says, “Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says “Yes father, it’s me.” The Priest says “Who was the woman you were with?” Tommy says “I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t […]...
24. Is it over yet? It was about a month ago when a Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWll, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.” “Well,” answered the Priest, “That’s no a sin.” “But I made him pay me 20 […]...
25. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front […]...
26. The same thing A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest, “I had an affair with a woman… almost.” The priest says, “what do you mean almost?” The man says, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.” The priest replies, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not […]...
27. Falling down There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would […]...
28. A fun game While your sitting on the toilet you see written on the stall door: Congratulations! You’ve won one free game of Toilet Tennis! Look Left. You look left and it reads: Look Right You look right and it reads: Look Left…...
29. Wear your collar backwards Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, “Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?” The priest says, “Because I’m a father.” Johnny says, “Yeah? Well, my old man’s got three kids and he don’t wear his collar backwards.” The priest says “You don’t understand, son. I […]...
30. What causes people to have arthritis A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the […]...
31. What causes arthritis? A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled […]...
32. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. “What’s this,” […]...
33. There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.” The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.” The priest thought long and hard […]...
34. One day Clinton goes to the bathroom One day Clinton goes to the bathroom, pulls down his pants, and much to his amazement, he finds a red ring around his penis. So the next day he goes to his physician and the doctor says, “I cant figure out what it is. So I’ll give you some medicine, and if it doesn’t work, […]...
35. Last Request Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning […]...
36. Camel Died Camel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun “I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and […]...
37. Make a last request Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning […]...
38. Who keeps saying those things A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively “You’ve got great hair!” The man looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer. A minute later, he heard […]...
39. Running a Pilot Program Rosalind: How is the Pilot program coming along? Jimmy: We’ll be ready To launch it in another month, but I have some serious Reservations. Rosalind: Like what? Jimmy: We haven’t Worked out all of the bugs yet and we might Come up against some Resistance from the community. Rosalind: Isn’t that the Nature of a […]...
40. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked […]...