Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro

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1. Golf in the Bedroom Golf in the Bedroom Rules of Play Each player shall provide his own equipment – normally one club and two balls. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole. […]...
2. Definite laws of golf LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed […]...
3. The golf course A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you […]...
4. The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he’d noticed that the club professional had been watching. “What club should […]...
5. Buying some golf balls A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro askes her what she wants. “I can’t find any green golf balls,” the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are […]...
6. Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey, I’ve got an […]...
7. Golf A golf course Golf courses have different sizes and shapes. Most of them have 18 holes that are between a hundred and 500 metres long. If you have finished playing all 18 holes you have played a round of golf. Each hole has a starting place, called a tee. This is a small area from […]...
8. Перевод слова golf Golf – гольф Перевод слова Round of golf – партия гольфа golf match – матч по гольфу devotion to golf – увлечение гольфом He is off playing Golf. Он уехал играть в гольф. He’s a real Golf fiend. Он по настоящему страстный любитель гольфа. Geoff went off to play Golf. Джефф пошел играть в гольф. […]...
9. Heated passions Mike and Keith are playing golf one hot Sunday afternoon. While approaching the sixteenth hole, they notice an old golfer teeing up by himself. The two friends stop and wait for the older golfer to finish his hole. After the old man drives the ball a considerable distance down the fairway, he collapses on the […]...
10. Golf lessons A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks […]...
11. Перевод слова club Club – клуб Перевод слова Tennis club – теннисный клуб nature-study club – клуб натуралистов-любителей to join a club – стать членом клуба Shall we go to a Club? Мы пойдем в клуб? You have to play a Club. Вы должны играть в клубе. I’ll see you at the Club. Увидимся в клубе....
12. JOHN F. KENNEDY: The Swingingest President Ever J. F. K., a gifted golfer, didn’t want to be photographed on the links. He was afraid of inheriting Eisenhower’s image, as a man putting his way through is presidency. An aficionado of Ian Fleming’s spy novels, John F. Kennedy relished keeping secrets almost as much as he enjoyed hearing them. One of Kennedy’s most […]...
13. A husband and wife were out playing golf A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in […]...
14. A man was playing a game of golf A man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says “thank […]...
15. Religious battle golf The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held […]...
16. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do […]...
17. One night, at the lodge of a hunting club One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, “See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire – place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.” […]...
18. A difficult golf game Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late. His wife asks him, “What took you so long?” The guy says, “That was the worst game of golf I’ve ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack.” […]...
19. Incredible golf ball A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!” The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it?” “It’s a special golf ball,” says the salesman. “You can never lose […]...
20. A young couple gets married, and the groom A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left ajar. She peeks in and sees 3 golf balls and $6,000. She confronts […]...
21. Значение идиомы Christmas club [Christmas club] {n.} A plan for putting money in the bank to be saved for Christmas shopping. John deposits $10 each week in the Christmas club. The woman will get her Christmas club money on December 10....
22. UCLA Computer Club This one hasn’t come up despite the presence of UCLA on the net. I’m led to the sad conclusion that the tradition has died. In the mid ’70s, just before it was overrun by fanatic Dungeons Dragons ™ players, the UCLA Computer Club was host to a long series of “glitter traps.” Example: joke subject […]...
23. A game of golf A man walked into the clubhouse and noticed a friend sitting in a corner wearing a neck brace. He sat down and asked his mate what happened. “Well, I was playing golf and I hit my ball into the rough,” replied his friend. “Then I met a chick who was looking for her ball too. […]...
24. Listening to Club Music Anastasia: This is the best Club in the city. Grace brought me here last month. You’re going to love it. Joshua: What?! Anastasia: You’re going to love this club. It has the best DJ in town. She Spins the best Mixes. Joshua: Did you say you’re going to get us some Mixed drinks? Anastasia: No, […]...
25. What to do to get golf Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued: First Guy: “Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.” Second Guy: […]...
26. A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, […]...
27. Moshe Rabbinowitz decides to join the country club Moshe Rabbinowitz decides to join the country club near his home. He goes in and is turned down flat because he does not meet their “standards.” So he enrolls in the finest schools to learn the art of being culturally rich. Moshe learns to cook the finest of foods, appreciate the best art, drive the […]...
28. This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. “Oh, no! I […]...
29. The guy leered at the babe at the yacht-club The guy leered at the babe at the yacht-club. “Hey, baby, would you help me ‘raise my mast’?” “No thanks,” she said sweetly. “I heard about you from your ex and she included a ‘small craft’ warning.”...
30. Heavenly golf Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over […]...
31. Значение идиомы in the hole [in the hole] {adv.} or {adj. phr.}, {informal} 1a. Having a scorelower than zero in a game, especially a card game; to a score belowzero. John went three points in the hole on the first hand of thecard game. 1b. Behind an opponent; in difficulty in a sport or game. We had their pitcher in […]...
32. Значение идиомы hole in one [hole in one] {n. phr.} A shot in golf that is hit from the tee andgoes right into the cup. Many golfers play for years before theyget a hole in one....
33. German Shepard on Golf Course A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse […]...
34. Значение идиомы hole out [hole out] {v.} To finish play in golf by hitting the ball into thecup. The other players waited for Palmer to hole out before theyputted....
35. A psychology student at a local university A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered “When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.” […]...
36. A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, “How bad is it doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way.” […]...
37. When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven. “Sorry, old man,” Peter said, “But I can’t let you in. You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back in 1978 – You took the Lord’s name in vain during a golf game.” “Oh, yes. I’ll never […]...
38. This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house, he was told that the only way he could play today was if he was willing to play along with three nuns. He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. […]...
39. Deserted island golf A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” […]...
40. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, […]...