On their wedding night the husband was so self

Related topics:

1. On their honeymoon nightOn their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, «I can’t wear your pants.» «That’s right,» intoned the groom, «And don’t you forget it. I’m the one who wears the pants in the family.» The bride ... Читать далее...
2. This redneck gets married, but on his wedding nightThis redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn’t know what to do. He’s fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says, «Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s’pposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!» …So he got his bowling bowl ... Читать далее...
3. Wedding preparation guidelinesAnnouncement: It is the responsibility of the bride’s family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); ... Читать далее...
4. Just after Lorenna Bobbitt brutally cut off her husband’sJust after Lorenna Bobbitt brutally cut off her husband’s penis, she jumped into her car and sped away. On her way down the highway, holding her husbands penis in her hand, she decided to throw it out the window. She opened her window and tossed the penis as far as she could and sped away ... Читать далее...
5. Going to a WeddingI got an Invitation in the mail last month that really surprised me. My friend Ulrich was getting married! We went to college together and he always said that he’d never get married. I guess he found his Dream girl in the end. The Church wedding was going to be at 3 p. m. and ... Читать далее...
6. AVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTSAVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTS: — Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift. — Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom. — When dancing, never remove undergarments; no matter how hot it is. — Kissing the bride for more than ... Читать далее...
7. A staged wedding to bust dealersAs supposedly reported on CNN: Undercover police, staging the wedding of «a drug kingpin’s daughter», let it be known on the street that dealers were «invited» (i. e. Expected to attend). The bride and groom were police, as was the band, bartender, and about half the guests. The band playing at the wedding was «S. ... Читать далее...
8. Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband’s penisLorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband’s penis. She was driving down the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car travelling in the opposite direction. «Shit,» said the driver to his passenger. «What kind ... Читать далее...
9. One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decidedOne day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each ... Читать далее...
10. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big nightA couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, «That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?» The husband replied «Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.» «That’s nice honey» she replied, «What did it look ... Читать далее...
11. A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get marriedA middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, «Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.» The startled groom says «How can that be? You’ve been married twice…» The bride responds… ... Читать далее...
12. The wedding is offno on!All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride’s father storm up the aisle, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry. «The weddin’s off,» he shouted, «Everybody bugger off!» Dismayed and ... Читать далее...
13. A husband emerged from the bathroom naked andA husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, «I have a headache.» «Perfect» her husband said. «I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,… it’s up to you!»...
14. Перевод слова weddingWedding — свадьба Перевод слова Church wedding — венчание members of the wedding — гости на свадьбе penny wedding — свадьба, устраиваемая гостями в складчину When is the Wedding to be? Когда будет свадьба? It’s a video of our Wedding. Это видео нашей свадьбы. He suddenly appeared at the Wedding. Он появился на свадьбе неожиданно....
15. Jack goes to the doctor and saysJack goes to the doctor and says «Doc I’m having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?» After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, «Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you unless you’re willing to try ... Читать далее...
16. A husband and wife are on a nudist beachA husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the ... Читать далее...
17. Two Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming weddingTwo Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding… «I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.» His buddy replies, «Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, ... Читать далее...
18. One night, at the lodge of a hunting clubOne night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, «See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire — place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.» ... Читать далее...
19. Time for the weddingA police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. «But officer,» the man began, «I can explain.» «Just be quiet,» snapped the officer. «I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.» «But, officer, I just wanted to say,» «And I said to keep quiet! You’re ... Читать далее...
20. Chief is at a weddingA police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. «But officer,» the man began, «I can explain.» «Just be quiet,» snapped the officer. «I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.» «But, officer, I just wanted to say,» «And I said ... Читать далее...
21. Planning a WeddingSeamus: What’s that? Cathy: It’s a planning book for our Wedding. Seamus: We aren’t getting married for a year and a half. Cathy: I know, but there are so many things to plan. We have to book the Hall far in advance, you know, and once we Set the date, we have to send out ... Читать далее...
22. For their 25th wedding anniversaryFor their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, «This was the most wonderful gift I could have ... Читать далее...
23. Could you please passThe nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. «I demand proper manners in bed,» she declared, «just as I do at the dinner table.» Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. «Is that better?» ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова husbandHusband — муж Перевод слова Ex-husband, former husband — бывший муж henpecked husband — подкаблучник to leave one’s husband — оставить мужа My Husband doesn’t cook Мой муж не готовит. She lied to her Husband. Она солгала мужу. She cheats on her Husband. Она изменяет своему мужу....
25. Husband always insisted on making loveHusband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, «You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?» Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, «I’ll explain the toy, you explain the kids…..»...
26. Свадьба/ WeddingНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Wedding Свадьба Wedding is a very important and special occasion. It’s a day when two people in love get married. Different countries follow different traditions during the wedding. For example, in our country couples go to a local registry office and then to church. After that, they organize ... Читать далее...
27. On their first night to be togetherOn their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, «my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.» The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. ... Читать далее...
28. A Traditional WeddingI arrived at my friend Karin’s Wedding a little late and the ceremony had already begun. I’ve been to a lot of Civil ceremonies, but it had been a while since I’d attended a religious one. They had asked a Minister To Officiate. When I arrived, Karin and her Fiance, Jan, were standing in front ... Читать далее...
29. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husbandAll of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, «What was that for?» Wife said, «Because, you are a bad fuck». Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, «And may I ask what’s that about?» Husband said, » ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы night owl[night owl] {n. phr.} One who sleeps during the day and stays up orworks during the night. Tom hardly ever sleeps at night; he prefersto work by lamp light and has become a regular night owl. Compare:GRAVEYARD SHIFT....
31. A husband and wife were in their back yardA husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her expanding backside. He commented, «Boy, your ass is getting big. almost as big as the gas grill here.» She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, «Yep, that thing is getting huge.» At this, the wife retreated to the ... Читать далее...
32. This woman has her bridge club every Thursday nightThis woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. «Oh, no! I ... Читать далее...
33. Перевод идиомы a hen night / a hen party, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: a hen night / a hen party Идиома: a hen night / a hen party Перевод: девичник, женская компания Пример: Jenny’s having her hen night a week before the wedding. Дженни устраивает девичник за неделю до свадьбы....
34. One night, as a couple lay down for bedThis joke sucks…. One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, «I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.» The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to ... Читать далее...
35. After their love-making session the young bride asks her husbandAfter their love-making session the young bride asks her husband «Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?» «Yes, she’s dead to!»»Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?» «Yes, she’s dead to!»...
36. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one nightA farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,»Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.» His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, «Mother, if this ... Читать далее...
37. On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were havingOn the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed ... Читать далее...
38. Attending an Ex’s WeddingAndy: What did you do last weekend? Yuka: I went to Jamal’s Wedding. Andy: Jamal?! Your Ex Jamal? Yuka: Yes, that Jamal. Andy: He Had the nerve to invite you to his wedding? Yuka: I actually thought it was nice of him to invite me. Whatever happened between us years ago is Water under the ... Читать далее...
39. Перевод слова consciousConscious — сознательный, осознанный Перевод слова To be conscious of one’s guilt — сознавать свою вину with conscious superiority — с сознанием своего превосходства conscious efforts — сознательные усилия She became Conscious that everyone was staring at her. Тут она заметила, что все на нее смотрят. She became Conscious after the anesthesia wore off. Она ... Читать далее...
40. Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and stillSadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, «Mama! I ... Читать далее...