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1. A woman reported the disappearance of her husband A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him. “Yes, please” she replied. “Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”...
2. Some of the myths about marriage TOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” The husband says: “WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional […]...
3. Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said,”Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!”...
4. Перевод слова expensive Expensive – дорогой, дорогостоящий, расточительный Перевод слова Expensive clothes – дорогая одежда expensive furs – ценные меха expensive man – расточительный человек expensive of health – подрывающий здоровье It’s more Expensive to live in the city than in the country. В городе жить намного дороже, чем в деревне. She’s always Expensively dressed. Она всегда дорого […]...
5. Перевод слова care Care – забота, попечение Перевод слова Care of public health – общественное здравоохранение in care – на воспитании parental care – родительская забота I don’t Care. Меня это не волнует. They shared the Care of the children. Они вместе заботились о детях. She was taken into Care as a baby. Ребенком ее взяли на воспитание....
6. Перевод слова positive Positive – положительный, несомненный Перевод слова Positive proof – несомненное доказательство positive influence – позитивное, положительное влияние positive reaction to a suggestion – положительная реакция на предложение Two Positive charges repel each other. Два положительных заряда отталкиваются друг от друга. ‘Think Positive!’ she advised herself. ‘Думай о хорошем!’ посоветовала она сама себе. The candidate projected […]...
7. A woman walks into a pet store A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.” “No worries,” replies the clerk. […]...
8. Chemist’s last words The last words of a chemist: 1. And now the tasting test. 2. May that become hot? 3. And now a little bit from this… 4. … and please keep that test tube alone! 5. And now shake it a bit. 6. Why is there no label on this bottle? 7. In which glass was […]...
9. The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. “After all, dear,” she said to her husband, “you wouldn’t expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?” “No,” her husband replied. “Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver.”...
10. The following statements were found on patient charts The following statements were found on patient’s charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health care professionals including (we’re afraid) a doctor or two at several major hospitals: “The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.” “Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.” “The skin was moist […]...
11. The woman who can smell Parkinson’s disease Meet the woman from Perth whose super sense of smell could change the way Parkinson’s disease is diagnosed. Joy Milne’s husband, Les, died in June, aged 65. He worked as a consultant anaesthetist before being diagnosed with Parkinson’s at the age of 45. Joy first detected the odour on her husband Les, who was diagnosed […]...
12. Перевод слова husband Husband – муж Перевод слова Ex-husband, former husband – бывший муж henpecked husband – подкаблучник to leave one’s husband – оставить мужа My Husband doesn’t cook Мой муж не готовит. She lied to her Husband. Она солгала мужу. She cheats on her Husband. Она изменяет своему мужу....
13. Equal positive integers Theorem: All positive integers are equal. Proof: Sufficient to show that for any two positive integers, A and B, A = B. Further, it is sufficient to show that for all N > 0, if A and B (positive integers) satisfy (MAX(A, B) = N) then A = B. Proceed by induction. If N = […]...
14. Перевод слова test Test – тест, испытание, проверка Перевод слова Nuclear tests – ядерные испытания strength test – испытание на прочность test in arithmetic – контрольная работа по арифметике a severe test of character – серьезное испытание характера He was put to Test. Его подвергли испытанию. How difficult was the Test? Насколько сложным был тест? He tubed every […]...
15. Talking About Product Quality Brenda: It’s fun shopping for a new cell phone, don’t you think? Yoji: Sure, but I just need one with the Bare basics. Brenda: Not me. I want one that’s Top-of-the-line. My old phone was Cheap and Flimsy, and it started Acting up after only a few months. Yoji: I want something that’s good Quality, […]...
16. Talking About Product Quality Brenda: It’s fun shopping for a new cell phone, don’t you think? Yoji: Sure, but I just need one with the Bare basics. Brenda: Not me. I want one that’s Top-of-the-line. My old phone was Cheap and Flimsy, and it started Acting up after only a few months. Yoji: I want something that’s good Quality, […]...
17. Перевод слова phone Phone – телефон, звонить по телефону Перевод слова Phone booth – телефонная будка to leave the phone off the hook – не повесить телефонную трубку to call smb. to the phone – пригласить кого-л. к телефону to speak on the phone – говорить по телефону Can you get the Phone? Можешь принести телефон? I’ll Phone […]...
18. Health Insurance Plans At my company, I have a choice of health insurance plans. We can pick between HMOs and PPOs, and I have been with the same Managed health plan for the past few years. It’s the plan that has the lowest Co-pays and the best Coverage, and the network of doctors is fairly large. The Drug […]...
19. State of Kentucky 12th Grade Reading Test State of Kentucky 12th Grade Reading Test TEST #1 TEST #2 TEST #3 TEST #4 MR Ducks MR Snakes MR Farmers MR Mice MR Knot MR Knot MR Knot MR Knot SAR SAR SAR SAR CM Wangs CM BDI’s CMMT Pockets CMEDBD Feet LIB LIB LIB LIB MR Ducks MR Snakes MR Farmers MR Mice...
20. A man spoke frantically into the phone A man spoke frantically into the phone: “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the emergency operator asked. “No, you idiot!” the man shouted. “This is her husband!”...
21. Перевод идиомы take care of someone or something, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: take care of someone or something Перевод: позаботиться о ком-либо или чем-либо, присмотреть за кем-либо или чем-либо Пример: You should take care of your health or you will become sick. Тебе следует заботиться о своем здоровье, или ты заболеешь....
22. A young blonde woman is distraught A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband […]...
23. Перевод слова health Health – здоровье Перевод слова Ministry of Health – министерство здравоохранения broken in health – с подорванным здоровьем hazard to public health – угроза для здоровья людей His Health rebounded. Здоровье его улучшилось. She swims for her Health. Она занимается плаванием ради здоровья. I drink your good Health. Я пью за ваше здоровье. Интересные факты […]...
24. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, “What was that for?” Wife said, “Because, you are a bad fuck”. Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, “And may I ask what’s that about?” Husband said, ” […]...
25. A young married woman A young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend. The girlfriend asked, “Do you talk to your husband when you’re making love?” She thought about it a minute then said, “Well, no. But I could. I mean he has a cell phone and all now.”...
26. Together again Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, “At least they’re finally together.” A guy sitting in […]...
27. Значение идиомы road test [road test] {n.} 1. A test to see if you can drive a car. Jimtook the road test and got his driver’s license last week. 2. A testto see if a car works all right on the road. Most new cars aregiven road tests before they are put on the market. After herepaired the car, […]...
28. Change is always for the better – Перемены всегда к лучшему A change is an act or result of something becoming different. It can be also a fact of a situation, a place or an experience being different from what is usual and therefore likely to be interesting, enjoyable, etc. “Chocolat” is a film that is one of the brightest illustrations for an act of change. […]...
29. Having Problems Concentrating Vagner: Aren’t you supposed to be studying for the Driver’s test? Liesl: I’m supposed to be, but I keep getting Distracted. Reading this Manual is Deadly. Vagner: I know, but if you don’t study, you’ll never pass the test. Try To focus. Liesl: I’ve tried To keep my mind on the rules of the road, […]...
30. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
31. A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy. Her husband isn’t there, and she doesn’t want to name them without him seeing them first. But the hospital insists that the babies must be named by the end of the day. Crazy Uncle Louie overhears this and he names them (unbeknowst to the […]...
32. Tesla: Our crash test score is better than perfect The Tesla Motors Model S electric car recently earned the highest possible rating of five stars in government crash tests. But that announcement wasn’t good enough for the image-conscious company and its charismatic founder, Elon Musk. In fact, Tesla said Monday – 11 days after the test results were announced – that the Model S […]...
33. A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.” Psychiatrist: “Don’t you have a phone in your car?” Blonde: “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.” Psychiatrist: […]...
34. Flies A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” She asked. “Hunting Flies” He responded. “Oh. Killing any?” She asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?” He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were […]...
35. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
36. Disprove this! A case for the Third Universal Cardinal Rule of Thumb: Never be absolute, unless absolutely necessary: A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language […]...
37. Suffering A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.” The counselor turns to her husband and inquires “Is that true?” The husband replies “Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.”...
38. While in prison OJ had another prisoner join him in his cell While in prison O. J. had another prisoner join him in his cell. This person was 8′ tall and 670 lbs. of solid muscle. He asked O. J. if he wanted to be the husband or the wife. Now O. J. not being stupid started reasoning in his mind “OK if I say I’m going […]...
39. Cheating on a Test Oscar: What are you doing? Elena: I’m getting ready for the test. Oscar: By writing the answers on a cheat sheet? You’re not going To get away with That. Elena: I got a “D” on the last test and I have to do better on this one. If I don’t get at least a “B,” […]...
40. A Letter from Account Receivables DATE COMPANY ADDRESS CITY, STATE, ZIP Attention: _____________________ Dear ____________________, Will you get off your dead ass and take care of your obligations! We are still holding the insufficient check that we called you on over a month ago. I know you told me you were waiting to get paid for a job that was […]...