New person in prison

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1. Clean St. Patrick’s Day Jokes An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, “Oy vey! What a wreck!” The priest asks him, “Are you all right, Rabbi?” The Rabbi responds, “Just a little shaken.” The priest pulls a […]...
2. Irish Laughs Casey married a rich widow, but they didn’t get along. One day she said to him, “If it wasn’t for my money, that new television wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, that grand piano wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, this house wouldn’t be here.” Casey mumbled, “If it […]...
3. Значение идиомы card [card] See: CREDIT CARD, FLASH CARD, HOUSE OF CARDS, IN THE CARDS or ON THE CARDS, LAY ONE’S CARDS ON THE TABLE, PLAY ONE’S CARDS RIGHT, PUT ONE’S CARDS ON THE TABLE, STACK THE CARDS, TRUMP CARD....
4. One doc operated on a person for a hernia One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. […]...
5. Перевод идиомы life of Riley, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: life of Riley Идиома: life of Riley разг. Перевод: беззаботная, легкая, райская жизнь Пример: My father has been leading the life of Riley since he retired from his job. Мой отец ведет беззаботную жизнь с тех пор, как ушел на пенсию с работы....
6. Значение идиомы old-timer [old-timer] {n.} An old person who remembers bygone days, matters, and personalities. There was an old-timer at the party who told usinteresting details about World War II. Contrast: OLD GUARD, OLDHAND....
7. Dating a Possessive Person Eliana: You’re here! I didn’t think you’d be able to come. Matt: Why? I like seeing a movie with my friends As much as the next guy. Eliana: Yeah, but it’s been weeks since we’ve seen you, ever since you started dating Helen. Matt: She doesn’t Own me. She’s a little Possessive, but I Put […]...
8. I had it all A man complaining to a friend: “I had it all – money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman…then… pow! … it was all gone!” “What happened?” asked the friend. “Ahhhh… my wife found out…”...
9. A man was complaining to a friend A man was complaining to a friend. “I had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BIG car, the love of a beautiful woman, then, POW! it was all gone!” “What happened?” asked the friend. “My wife found out.”...
10. Confessions Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life, and it’s clear that they’re trying to one-up each other. The first one says, “My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation,” and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor. The […]...
11. Значение идиомы charge up [charge up] {v. phr.} 1. To submit to a flow of electricity in order to make functional. I mustn’t forget to charge up my razor before we go on our trip. 2. To use up all the available credit one has on one’s credit card. “Let’s charge dinner on the Master Card,” Jane said. “Unfortunately […]...
12. While in prison OJ had another prisoner join him in his cell While in prison O. J. had another prisoner join him in his cell. This person was 8′ tall and 670 lbs. of solid muscle. He asked O. J. if he wanted to be the husband or the wife. Now O. J. not being stupid started reasoning in his mind “OK if I say I’m going […]...
13. Being in Debt Chang: I don’t mean to be nosey, but all of those bills are red or pink. Are you Behind on all of those bills? Ilya: I am, but it’s no big deal. I can catch up on them next month. Chang: You know that being late on bills is bad for your credit score, right? […]...
14. A man escapes from prison A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of […]...
15. Alcohol vs Women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked the other. The first guy replies, “Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...
16. Значение идиомы pay down [pay down] {v. phr.} 1. To give as a deposit on some purchase, therest of which is to be paid in periodic installments. “How much canyou pay down on the house, sir?” the realtor asked. 2. To decrease adebt with periodical payments. I’d like to pay down the charges onmy credit cards. Compare: DOWN PAYMENT....
17. A substitute for women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked his friend. The first guy replies, “Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...
18. Can’t do “What’s wrong, sonny?” asked the old timer sympathetically, coming over to the little kid who was sitting on the curb, crying his heart out. “I’m crying ’cause I can’t do what the big boys do!” So the old man sat down and wept too....
19. I have a question A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float? The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish […]...
20. The meaning of life A man asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I’ve never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?” inquired the doctor. “No, I’ve never done any of those things either.” “Well […]...
21. Значение идиомы life of Riley [life of Riley] {n. phr.}, {informal} A soft easy life; pleasant orrich way of living. He’s living the life of Riley. He doesn’t haveto work anymore. Compare: BED OF ROSES, IN CLOVER, LIVE HIGH OFF THEHOG....
22. Wrong card At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, “No.” A clerk came over and asked, “May I help you?” “I don’t know,” said the woman. “Do you have any ‘Sorry I laughed at your dick’ cards?”...
23. Missing person Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, “He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is […]...
24. Перевод слова credit Credit – доверие; кредит, долг Перевод слова To lose credit – потерять доверие he is a man of credit – он человек, пользующийся хорошей репутацией credit card – кредитная карта This is much Credit to you. Это большая честь для вас. He is a man of the highest Credit. Он человек отличной репутации. Can I […]...
25. Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married, Merry Christmas to you, and please don’t worry. I’m just fine considering I can’t breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I’ve sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I […]...
26. It finally dawned “How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone […]...
27. Broken leg “How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d […]...
28. Перевод слова France France – Франция Перевод слова To go to France – поехать во Францию newly returned from France – недавно вернувшийся из Франции truncheon of a Marshal of France – жезл маршала Франции Have you ever been to France? Ты когда-нибудь был во Франции? Calais served as a key to France. Кале служило входными воротами во […]...
29. Значение идиомы do credit [do credit] or [do credit to] also [do proud] To add to or improve the reputation, good name, honor, or esteem of; show deserve praise. Your neat appearance does you credit. Mary’s painting would do credit to a real artist....
30. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do […]...
31. Перевод слова boat Boat – лодка Перевод слова Patrol boat – патрульный катер torpedo boat – торпедный катер to sail a boat – плыть на корабле The Boat sleeps six. Катер располагает шестью спальными местами. We Boated to Antwerp. Мы отправились в Антверпен на корабле. The Boat cut the water. Лодка разрезала воду....
32. Prison vs a housewife In prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow […]...
33. Better prison foods Subject: You Deserve a Break Today San Francisco (UPI) – In what legal observers are already calling a landmark decision in the case of Jackson v. California, the California Supreme Court has recognized for the first time a constitutional right to chicken done right. The high court held that under the the due process clause […]...
34. Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, “F. F.” His wife turned to him and answered, “E. F.” Out on the highway, he […]...
35. Gates gets punishment Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every […]...
36. A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were fishing from a boat not from the lake shore. The pastor had to make a trip to the port-a-potty located on the shore, so he got out of the boat, walked across the water and in the same matter, came back to the boat after […]...
37. A girl called the police department and reported that A girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, “When did this happen?” She replied, “Last week.” The police then asked, “Why did you wait until now to report it?” Well,” she said. “I didn’t know that I was assaulted until the check bounced.”...
38. Humor about the Stupid Irish Higgins lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, So Higgins decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. When […]...
39. The answer to the eternal question A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when […]...
40. Перевод слова card Card – карточка, пластиковая карта, открытка, визитка Перевод слова Credit card – кредитная карта greeting card – поздравительная открытка postal card – почтовая карточка, открытка That’s the Card. Вот это именно то, что нужно. Let’s play Cards. Давайте играть в карты. Can I pay by credit Card? Могу ли я заплатить кредитной картой?...