Never talk to the Parrot

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1. Passing a parrotA lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, «Hey lady, you are really ugly.» Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same ... Читать далее...
2. Footless ParrotA guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he’s lonesome so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised ... Читать далее...
3. A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrotA middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot for his birthday. The only problem with this parrot is its attitude due to the influence of its former owner, who is now a deceased truck driver. The parrot loves to swear up and down at everything it sees. One day the man comes home with a gorgeous ... Читать далее...
4. Magician and ParrotMagician and Parrot A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician ... Читать далее...
5. A very Insulting ParrotThis elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, «My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam.» She turns around quickly to see who ... Читать далее...
6. Значение идиомы parrot-fashion[parrot-fashion] {adv.} Like a parrot; by rote memorization andwithout any understanding. The candidate delivered a speech thatwas prepared for him and he read it parrot-fashion....
7. A woman was thinking about finding a petA woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large ... Читать далее...
8. A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrotA black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder…the bartender looks up and says » where the hell did you get that thing? The Parrot replies » Over in Africa, there’s millions of them » !!!!...
9. The Preacher buys a ParrotA preacher is buying a parrot. «Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?» asked the preacher. «Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,» the storekeeper assures him. «Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the left he ... Читать далее...
10. A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrotA guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. «This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.» the clerk said. «Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?» «This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.» «And the other?» said the customer. ... Читать далее...
11. You’re not going to believe this!A woman got a problem with her closet door — it was felling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by. «OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close ... Читать далее...
12. A robber was robbing a houseA robber was robbing a house when he heard a voice. «Jesus is watching you!» «who’s there?» The robber said But no sound was heard. So he kept going and he heard it two more times when he spotted a parrot. «What’s your name,» the robber asked. «Cocodora» said the parrot. «Now, what kind of ... Читать далее...
13. The little sexy housewife was built so wellThe little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he’d near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her. When he’d finished she paid him and said, «I’m going to make a. . . well. . ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова quitQuit — бросать, освобождаться Перевод слова To quit oneself of fear — избавиться от страха to quit the house — съехать с квартиры, переехать в другое место to quit work when the siren sounds — прекращать работу по сигналу сирены to quit a debt — выплатить долг I Quit school at 16. Я бросил школу ... Читать далее...
15. Значение идиомы a little bird told me[a little bird told me] To have learned something from a mysterious, unknown, or secret source. «Who told you that Dean Smith was resigning?» Peter asked. «A little bird told me,» Jim answered....
16. Перевод слова appointmentAppointment — назначение, предписание, условленная встреча Перевод слова Business appointment — деловая встреча to hold an appointment — занимать должность appointment to office — назначение на должность I have an Appointment to see the doctor. Я записан на прием к врачу. I shall break an Appointment. Я не пойду на свидание. Will you remind me ... Читать далее...
17. A young peasant girl of fourteenA young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, «But why?» he asked. «Nothin, I just wanna ... Читать далее...
18. Business one-liners 01A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country. A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense. A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work. A bird in the bush usually ... Читать далее...
19. Going to the DentistI went to the dentist to get a Check-up and cleaning. I Showed up at the dentist’s office a few minutes before 10. I gave the receptionist my name and told her that I had a 10 a. m. appointment. She said that the doctor Was running a little latE and that I should take ... Читать далее...
20. Значение идиомы leave flat[leave flat] {v. phr.}, {informal} To quit or leave suddenlywithout warning when wanted or needed; desert; forsake; abandon. Sam found that being a member of the trail-clearing group was a lotof hard work, so he left them flat. My car ran out of gas and leftme flat, ten miles from town. Compare: LEAVE IN THE ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы lady-killer[lady-killer] {n.}, {informal} 1. Any man who has strong sex appealtoward women. Joe is a regular lady-killer. 2. A man whorelentlessly pursues amorous conquests, is successful at it, and thenabandons his heartbroken victims. The legendary Don Juan of Spainis the most famous lady-killer of recorded history. Compare: LADY’SMAN....
22. Перевод слова birdBird — птица Перевод слова Land bird — наземная птица migratory bird — перелетная птица bird life — жизнь птиц The Bird spread its wings. Птица расправила крылья. The Bird landed in a tree. Птица села на дерево. He is a cagey old Bird. Он — стреляный воробей. Примеры из жизни Angry Birds («злые птицы») ... Читать далее...
23. Buying a chainsawThis fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, «Look, I have a lot of models, but why don’t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line ... Читать далее...
24. A Burglar is in Big TroubleA burglar has just made it into the house he’s intending ransacking, and he’s looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, «I can see you, and so can Jesus!» Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы talk back[talk back] also [answer back] {v.} {informal} To answer rudely;reply in a disrespectful way; be fresh. When the teacher told theboy to sit down, he talked back to her and said she couldn’t makehim. Mary talked back when her mother told her to stop watchingtelevision; she said, «I don’t have to if I don’t want ... Читать далее...
26. Working OvertimeJeremy: Hello. Miranda: Hi, it’s me. I can’t make it home for dinner tonight. I’m working Overtime. Jeremy: Again? That’s the third time this week. I can’t believe your boss is making you do this. Miranda: Don’t get mad, but I actually told him that I Didn’t mind. I know I’ve been working Long hours, ... Читать далее...
27. Purchasing a New BirdAfter many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on ... Читать далее...
28. High School JobsI got my first Part-time job when I was 15 working at a Car wash in the Summertime. A friend of mine, Rob, worked there and got me the job. I think it paid $2.90 an hour, which I considered a Fortune. There were no Allowances in my family, so most of my brothers and ... Читать далее...
29. The Plumber has arrivedA lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o’clock. Ten o’clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, one o’clock; no plumber. She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived. He knocked on the door; the lady’s ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод сленгового выражения killer, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: killer Перевод: суперский, отличный, превосходный Синоним: awesome Пример: That was killer, dude! Это было просто супер, чувак!...
31. Different Work StylesBefore I started my new job, I didn’t know that I would be working so closely with another employee of the company. I was used to a lot of Autonomy in my last job, and I have always been Self-directed. I didn’t need Close supervision and the boss never had to worry about me Slacking ... Читать далее...
32. A dyslexic nurseTwo doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. «She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.» said one doctor. «Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!» The ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы talk in circles[talk in circles] {v. phr.} To waste time by saying words thatdon’t mean very much. After three hours at the negotiating table, the parties decided to call it quits because they realized that theyhad been talking in circles....
34. Значение идиомы leave in the lurch[leave in the lurch] {v. phr.} To desert or leave alone in trouble;refuse to help or support. The town bully caught Eddie, and Tomleft him in the lurch. Bill quit his job, leaving his boss in thelurch. Compare: LEAVE FLAT, HIGH AND DRY, WALK OUT....
35. Getting a HaircutI have an appointment with my Hairdresser today. It has been too long since I had my hair cut. My Bangs were too long, I had Split ends And my Roots were showing. I was a mess! I arrived for my appointment and I told the Receptionist that I was there for an appointment with ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы talk out[talk out] {v.} To talk all about and leave nothing out; discussuntil everything is agreed on; settle. After their quarrel, Jilland John talked things out and reached full agreement....
37. When the staff goes out after work, they talk aboutWhen the staff goes out after work, they talk about football or basketball. When Middle management gets together, they talk about tennis or baseball. Top management discusses golf. Conclusion: The higher up you are in management, the smaller your balls are....
38. Asking About JobsI was at the store The other day. I saw a former co-worker, Michael, across the room. He used to work at my company until he quit a few months ago to start a new job as a Public relations officer at Missouri University. It’s a job he’s been Working toward For years. He wasn’t ... Читать далее...
39. At an auctionDuring an auction of exotic pets, a woman who had placed a winning bid told the auctioneer, «I’m paying a fortune for that parrot. I hope he talks as well as you say he does.» «I guarantee it, madam,» replied the auctioneer. «Who do you think was bidding against you?»...
40. Hiring Temp WorkersBethany: I just talked to Steve about hiring Replacements for Cyril, who quit last month and for Megan, who is leaving at the end of this week. Do you know what he told me? He doesn’t want to hire Permanent replacements. He wants To make do with Temps! Enrique: I can see it from Steve’s ... Читать далее...