Naming your child

Related topics:

1. Naming the kidsOne day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard’s idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing ... Читать далее...
2. A man was taking his wifeA man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, «Don’t worry, everybody ... Читать далее...
3. A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boyA woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy. Her husband isn’t there, and she doesn’t want to name them without him seeing them first. But the hospital insists that the babies must be named by the end of the day. Crazy Uncle Louie overhears this and he names them (unbeknowst to the ... Читать далее...
4. Giving Birth to TwinsJerome: Congratulations! I just heard that you’re Pregnant with Twins. Paula: Thanks. We’re very excited, although I’m a little worried about a Multiple birth. Jerome: I Come from a long line of multiple births. My father is an Identical twin and he had cousins who are Fraternal twins. Paula: I see what you mean. Jerome: ... Читать далее...
5. Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit toBrenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, «My husband wants me to ask you…» «I know, I know.» the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, «I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late ... Читать далее...
6. A recently divorced woman is walking along the beachA recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the ... Читать далее...
7. The Naming of JesusA group of biblical scholars were involved in a heated discussion about how Jesus of Nazareth was named. How did he become known as the Messiah, or Christ. One of the scholars argued that the name was a Greek corruption of Aramaic, and purists and fundamentalists ought to use the name Joshua. Another argued that ... Читать далее...
8. Remember a childA young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. «Pardon me,» she said, «I’m sorry if my ... Читать далее...
9. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girlThe wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. ... Читать далее...
10. A folk remedyA man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she ... Читать далее...
11. To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nailsTo stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it’ll make her fat. «I won’t do it any more, Mom,» says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. «If I bite my fingernails, I’ll be as fat as that, won’t I Mom?» ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова pregnantPregnant — беременная; полный смысла, важный Перевод слова Pregnant woman — беременная женщина mature pregnant cow — взрослая стельная корова pregnant years — годы, насыщенные важными событиями words pregnant with meaning — слова, полные глубокого смысла She was heavily Pregnant. Она была на последних месяцах беременности. She’s Pregnant with their first child. Она беременна их ... Читать далее...
13. Speaking to a Baby or Young ChildMy sister had to go out of town for a couple of days and I offered To look after her 18-month-old Twins. It wasn’t long before I realized that I was Over my head! … Colleen: Okay, you two, it’s time to go Beddy-bye. Baby: No! Colleen: Yes, let’s get your Jammies on. You can ... Читать далее...
14. Opposites attract«You and your husband don’t seem to have an awful lot in common,» said the new tenant’s neighbor. «Why on earth did you get married?» «I suppose it was the old business of ‘opposites attract’,» was the reply. «He wasn’t pregnant and I was.»...
15. A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th childA woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. «Congratulations,» said the nurse, «but don’t you think this is enough?» The woman replied, «Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year.»...
16. Welfare applicationsFor those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which ... Читать далее...
17. A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditchA man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn’t usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty woman is the driver so he goes back to help. As he is hooking his truck to her car he says, «You know, you ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы with child[with child] {adv. phr.}, {literary} Going to have a baby;pregnant. The angel told Mary she was with child. Compare: IN AFAMILY WAY or IN THE FAMILY WAY....
19. Marriage quotes 05Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. — Catch-22 Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat. Don’t marry for money; ... Читать далее...
20. The wife of an older man is distraughtThe wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, «listen, I don’t do this for ... Читать далее...
21. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
22. A woman reported the disappearance of her husbandA woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him. «Yes, please» she replied. «Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.»...
23. Перевод слова shortlyShortly — вскоре, кратко, сжато Перевод слова He will come shortly — он скоро придет shortly after noon — вскоре после полудня odd come shortly — ближайший день to put it shortly — короче говоря We arrived Shortly before six o’clock. Мы прибыли незадолго до шести часов. He hopes Shortly to contract his expenses. Он ... Читать далее...
24. A family was having dinner on Mother’s DayA family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. «Nothing,» said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. «Seriously, what’s wrong?» «Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids ... Читать далее...
25. Birth controlSome women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says «We’re Catholic so we can’t use it.» The next woman says «I am too but we use the rhythm method.» The third woman says «We use the bucket and saucer method.» «What the heck is ... Читать далее...
26. Solve Indian puzzlesAn Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made ... Читать далее...
27. One day shortly after the birth of their new babyOne day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод слова birthBirth — рождение Перевод слова An artist by birth — художник по призванию normal birth — ничем не осложненное появление на свет of noble birth — знатного происхождения She gave Birth to a son. Она родила сына. What’s your date of Birth? Какова ваша дата рождения? He has been Deaf since birth. Он был глухой ... Читать далее...
29. A Jewish MotherHi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You’re going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn’t leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод слова unableUnable — неспособный Перевод слова Unable to pay — неплатежеспособный unable to fight a bag of shit — не умеющий драться permanently unable to work — нетрудоспособный unable to sport — неспособный к спорту She is Unable to work today. Она не может работать сегодня. I was Unable to afford the trip. Я был не ... Читать далее...
31. With a puzzled look on his faceWith a puzzled look on his face an Indian boy asked, «Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?» She told him, «Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.» Then he asked, «Why is my sister named Cornflower?» She replied, «Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made ... Читать далее...
32. An old retired man goes to his wife one dayAn old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, «I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.» The wife says, «No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.» Husband replies, «Our savings are all gone and you ... Читать далее...
33. A young blonde woman is distraughtA young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы burnt child dreads the fire[burnt child dreads the fire] or [once bitten, twice shy] A person who has suffered from doing something has learned to avoid doing it again. — A proverb. Once Mary had got lost when her mother took her downtown. But a burnt child dreads the fire, so now Mary stays close to her mother when ... Читать далее...
35. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
36. Help the lonely childSandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all ... Читать далее...
37. Unable to attend the funeral after his father diedUnable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, «Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill.» Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring ... Читать далее...
38. A big-game hunter went on safari with his wifeA big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in — law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and ... Читать далее...
39. What day is todayOver breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, «I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.» «Of course I do,» he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office. At 10:00 a. m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of ... Читать далее...
40. Groundhog Day«I bet you don’t know what day this is», said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: «Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?» With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for ... Читать далее...