Mary was having an affair during the day while

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1. Mary went to Jill’s place to tell her about a horrible Mary went to Jill’s place to tell her about a horrible experience she’d had the previous night with this bloke she brought home. “Well, what happened when you got there?” Jill asked “The bastard called me a slut!” Mary said. “And what did you do then?” Jill asked, shocked. “I told him to get the […]...
2. Mary came back from lunch to find that all the girls Mary came back from lunch to find that all the girls in the office had removed their clothes and were lying on the floor naked. She lost no time in taking off her dress and joining them, but as soon as she laid down the girl on her right hissed, “Turn over, Mary – this […]...
3. Once when Mary was young her school Once when Mary was young her school had a halloween party for them mary decided to go as a pirate after she had donned her costume she went into the family room to show her family they were impressed. Mom said you look terrific mary you have your sabre, and your parrot on your shoulder, […]...
4. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
5. John and Mary visit their pastor for marriage counseling John and Mary visit their pastor for marriage counseling. The pastor gets up and hugs Mary, and sits down. He gets up and hugs Mary a second, and third time, and then turns to John and says, “See that, John. Mary needs that EVERY DAY!” John replies, “Well, that’s fine, Pastor. But I can’t bring […]...
6. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. “So, did you […]...
7. A Blind Mans Sport A Blind Mans Sport A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door and told when to jump” “My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go” “But how […]...
8. Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man. The man was screaming, “Help me! Help me!” Mary Jane laughed and laughed! She knew that the shark was never going to help that man!...
9. Is it worth it? Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. “How old was your husband?” he asked. “He was ninety-eight,” she answered softly. “Two years oder than I am.” “Really?” the undertaker said. “Hardly worth going home, wouldn’t you say?”...
10. An affair with the horse Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with […]...
11. Ralph and Charlie where playing the ninth hole at Ralph and Charlie where playing the ninth hole at the local country club when Ralph hit his tee shot way to the right. Ralph walked over to the deep rough, found his ball, and proceeded to beat the hell out of wild buttercups with his pitching wedge. Mother Nature appeared and said, “Since you destroyed […]...
12. A henpecked husband A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. “You don’t have to let your wife bully you,” he said. “Go home and show her you’re the boss.” The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, “From now […]...
13. An old lady lived by herself in a small house An old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her garden, shaved her cat and then left when he […]...
14. Биография Мэри Кассат на английском языке. Biography of Mary Cassatt Mary Cassatt is the most popular women artist in the USA. She was born in 1845 in a town near Pittsburgh. She began her career at the Pennsylvania Academy of Fine Arts, where she studied from 1861 until 1864. She studied in Paris, too. Mary Cassatt began her career as a realistic painter. Later she […]...
15. Slight confusion One night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,”Honey, can you go over […]...
16. Picking up a Rental Car Ralph: I have a Reservation for a car. Clerk: What is the last name on the reservation? Ralph: It’s Furcal. Clerk: Just one moment. I have a reservation for Ralph Furcal, picking up today and returning on the 19th. Ralph: Yes, that’s right. I reserved an Economy car. Clerk: We do have an economy car […]...
17. Driving home very drunk It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before […]...
18. Passing an exam Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking […]...
19. Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two […]...
20. The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm. “Heavens,” she cried, “it’s my husband! Quick, jump out the window.” The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the […]...
21. Saving the situation After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, “What the hell happened?” “As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss,” replied the wife. “Piss on him,” answered the husband. “You did,” said the wife, “and he fired […]...
22. Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. “Father!” she cried, “just WAIT until you hear this!” The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, ” Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?” […]...
23. Anybody Home? A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, “Is […]...
24. The last request Father O’Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears. “What’s bothering you so, dear?” inquired Farther O’Grady. “Oh, father, I’ve got terrible news.” Replied Mary. “Well what is it, Mary?” “Well, my husband, passed away last night, […]...
25. Eating Genetically Modified Foods Ralph: What’s that? Nicky: It’s a bigger and better tomato. It’s been Genetically modified. Ralph: You’re not going to eat that, are you? Nicky: Of course I am. I’m making a salad. Want one? Ralph: No way. I don’t want to eat something that’s been Genetically engineered in a Laboratory. Who knows what kind of […]...
26. Home Architectural Styles Ralph: I just talked to our new Real estate agent and she’s going to show us some houses tomorrow. I told her that The bigger the better and that we’re looking for a large Cape Cod or Georgian-style house. Nina: You did? I’ve been thinking that we’d try to find something more Modest, a Bungalow […]...
27. A policeman was patrolling near midnight A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He […]...
28. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. “What’s this,” […]...
29. A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, “How many children do you have?” “Ten,” she replied. “What are their names?” he asked. “LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy,” she answered. “They’re all named LeRoy?” he asked “What if you want them […]...
30. What day is today Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.” “Of course I do,” he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office. At 10:00 a. m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of […]...
31. An Exclusive Guest List Catherine: Do you have a Draft of the Guest list? We need to get the Invitations out next week. Ralph: It’s not quite done yet. I keep Going back and forth about a few people I’m not sure about, like Lacy Say. Catherine: Lacy Say? She’s a Has-been. She hasn’t been in a movie for […]...
32. Mysterious picture After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry. “Is that your husband?” he inquired nervously. “No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him. “Your boyfriend then?” […]...
33. Fulfilling a promise A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter. Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, “You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?” She […]...
34. This pill allows you to fly A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if […]...
35. Перевод слова jump Jump – прыгать; скачок, резкое повышение Перевод слова To jump for joy – прыгать от радости to jump into a taxi – вскочить в такси to give a jump – резко подняться, подскочить jump in prices – резкое повышение цен How high can you Jump? Как высоко ты можешь прыгнуть? Don’t Jump the camera. Не […]...
36. Ошибки, совершаемые при построении вопросов в косвенной речи в английском языке Наиболее распространенные ошибки Неправильно Правильно Перевод Объяснение She asked me why did I work so much. She asked me why I worked so much. Она спросила меня, почему я так много работаю. Порядок слов в косвенных вопросах: Подлежащее + глагол . She asked me it was raining. She asked me If it was raining. Она […]...
37. Перевод слова window Window – окно Перевод слова First-floor window – окно первого этажа half window – полуокно to jump out of a window – выпрыгивать из окна She opened a Window to let in some air. Она открыла окно, чтобы проветрить помещение. The Window banged shut Окно с грохотом закрылось. She stood by the Window. Она стояла […]...
38. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, “What was that for?” Wife said, “Because, you are a bad fuck”. Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, “And may I ask what’s that about?” Husband said, ” […]...
39. A young blonde woman is distraught A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband […]...
40. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors office A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die”. 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, […]...