Man walks into a supermarket and buys

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1. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condomA man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again ... Читать далее...
2. Little Johnny is coming home from the storeLittle Johnny’s is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket. Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, «This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny.» He walks up to Little Johnny and says, ... Читать далее...
3. Little girl walks into the bathroomA little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks «What’s that?» Her sister replies «That is my possum, sis!» The young girl replies «Oh, OK» The next day she sees her mother get out of the ... Читать далее...
4. Упражнения на исчисляемые и неисчисляемые существительные (с ответами)1. Распределите следующие существительные на две группы. Paper – bottle – porridge – happiness — pencil — coffee – girl – work – job – plate – dog – meat — news – apricot – toothpaste – time — bedroom – money — magazine – information – honey — metal – child – yoghurt – ... Читать далее...
5. A man walks into a jewellers shopA man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: «I’m sorry Sir, this is a clock shop not a cock shop.» «Well, put two hands and a face on this.» replies the man....
6. A Duck walks into a barA Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread? Barman: No, sorry, we don’t have any bread [After a few minutes] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: Look, we don’t have any bread [In a little while] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: We don’t have any F*****g bread! [Some time later] Duck: ... Читать далее...
7. Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum withLittle Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks «What’s that mum? » His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally she came up with the following, «That’s where your dad accidentially hit me ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова loafLoaf — батон, хлеб; голова, кочан Перевод слова Loaf of bread — батон хлеба loaf-sugar — сахар в головах; кусковой сахар start a fresh loaf of bread — разрезать новую буханку хлеба use your loaf — пошевелите мозгами A Loaf of bread costs 70p. Буханка хлеба стоит 70 пенсов. He cut the Loaf into thick ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова supermarketSupermarket — супермаркет Перевод слова To shop at a supermarket — делать покупки в супермаркете cashier in a supermarket — кассир в супермаркете supermarket trolley — тележка в супермаркете He clerks in a Supermarket. Он работает продавцом в супермаркете. At lunchtime, I popped to the Supermarket to stock up on vital provisions. В обеденный перерыв ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова pintPint — пинта, кружка эля или пива Перевод слова Pint of milk — пинта молока give us the price of a pint! — налейте кружечку half-pint — бутылка в полпинты A Pint of bitter, please. Пинту горького, пожалуйста. The soldier took pride in being able to gulp back a whole Pint of beer at once. ... Читать далее...
11. Упаковка и единицы товараA bottle (of milk) — бутыль (молока) A glass (of water) — стакан (воды) A jug (of water) — кувшин (воды) A cup (of tea) — чашка (чая) A packet (of tea) — пачка (чая) A jar (of honey) — банка (меда) A loaf (of bread) — батон (хлеба) A slice (of bread) — ломоть ... Читать далее...
12. Edward walks out of a barEdward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. «Can I help you, fella?», asks the cop. «Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!» Edward replies. The cop asks, «Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?». «It ... Читать далее...
13. A Snail buys a fast New CarA snail buys a fast new car. There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail ... Читать далее...
14. A customer walks into a restaurant and noticesA customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, «$500 if we fail to fill your order.» When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he hears an explosion of voices. The restaurant ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова tubeTube — труба, тюбик, телевизор (в амер. разговорном) Перевод слова Bronchial tubes — мелкие бронхи on the tube — по телевидению drainage tube — дренажная трубка a tube of paint — тюбик краски What’s on the Tube tonight? Что сегодня по телеку? The experimental Tube is now before you. Экспериментальная трубка находится перед вами. I ... Читать далее...
16. A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrotA black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder…the bartender looks up and says » where the hell did you get that thing? The Parrot replies » Over in Africa, there’s millions of them » !!!!...
17. A guy walks into an elevator and stands nextA guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, «Can I smell your pussy?» The woman looks at him in disgust and says, «Certainly not!» «Hmmm,» he replies. «It must be your feet, then.»...
18. A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dogA blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog. He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & around his head. The druggist says «May I help you?» The blind man replies «No thank you, I’m just looking around.»...
19. A man walks into a doctor officeA man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. «What’s the matter with me?» he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, «You’re not eating properly.»...
20. PlasticsMany of us cannot imagine our life at present without plastics. But we cannot realize what a great part they play in raising our standard of living. You cannot go through a single day without some association with plastics. Your toothbrush, the cap of your toothpaste tube, your comb, the handle of your table knife, ... Читать далее...
21. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
22. A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is toldA man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre’d that there will be at least a twenty minute wait. «Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?», he says. The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, «What’ll it be?» The man replies, «Give me a Stoli with ... Читать далее...
23. A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in AmsterdamA Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him. He stops, bangs on the window and says,»So, what does this cost??!!». And the hooker replies,»25 dollars!!». And the Pollock said,»Hmm, that’s not a lot of money for insulated windows!!»....
24. Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the barmanProstitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi’s and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks ... Читать далее...
25. A waitress walks up to one of her tables inA waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She yells, «What the hell do you guys think you are doing?» One of the Japanese men explains, «Can’t you see? We are all berry hungry.» The waitress ... Читать далее...
26. A guy walks into a post officeA guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing «Love» stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes ... Читать далее...
27. A well laid out plan«First,» said the playboy, «I’m going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose.» «Oh no you’re not,» said the girl. «Then I’ll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks.» «Oh no you’re not.» «Then I’ll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks.» ... Читать далее...
28. I was shopping at our local supermarketI was shopping at our local supermarket. When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead of me. As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her, «Paper or plastic?» «It doesn’t matter,» she replied, «I’m bisacksual.»...
29. Food buying — Покупка едыSupermarkets have become an ordinary tiling in the life of a modern city. Most people go there to buy food. There is also a wide choice of pet food and household goods like soap, detergents, toothpaste, ortoothbrushes there. Supermarkets can save a lot of time as you can do all the shopping inone place. Supermarkets ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы better[better] See: ALL BETTER, DISCRETION IS THE BETTER PART OF VALOR, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, FOR THE BETTER, GET THE BETTER OF, GO — ONE BETTER, HAD BETTER, HALF A LOAF IS BETTER THAN NONE or HALF A LOAF IS BETTER THAN NO BREAD, SEE BETTER DAYS, THINK BETTER OF....
31. A little old lady buys a pair of parrotsA little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn’t ... Читать далее...
32. Government cow typesIf a communist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government sells him some of the milk. If a Socialist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government gives him some of the milk. If a Nazi has two cows, the government shoots him, and takes both ... Читать далее...
33. A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first dayA young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, «Your first job will be to sweep out the store.» «But I’m a college graduate.» the young man replied indignantly. «Oh, I’m sorry. I ... Читать далее...
34. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
35. How many does it take?Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another. After this and the accompanying small-talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a «good time.» ... Читать далее...
36. A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breastsA supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. «don’t worry, ya,» he said. «I’ll pack some more trays and have them ... Читать далее...
37. A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugsA woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and ... Читать далее...
38. Shopping at the SupermarketStocker: Can I help you find something? Meg: Yes, I’m looking for coffee. Stocker: That’s on Aisle 3. Let me show you where it is. Meg: Thanks. Hmm, I don’t see the Jitters Brand that I normally buy. Stocker: It looks like we’re Out of stock. We should get another Shipment next week. Meg: Okay, ... Читать далее...
39. Shopping at the SupermarketStocker: Can I help you find something? Meg: Yes, I’m looking for coffee. Stocker: That’s on Aisle 3. Let me show you where it is. Meg: Thanks. Hmm, I don’t see the Jitters Brand that I normally buy. Stocker: It looks like we’re Out of stock. We should get another Shipment next week. Meg: Okay, ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы all walks of life[all walks of life] {n. phr.} All socioeconomic groups; all professions and lines of work. A good teacher has to be able to communicate with students from all walks of life. A clever politician doesn’t alienate people from any walk of life....