Man needs a turkey

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1. The pro football turkeyThe pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive ... Читать далее...
2. HOW TO COOK A TURKEY!HOW TO COOK A TURKEY! (The Thanksgiving Special) Step 1:Go buy a turkey Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) of JD Step 3: Put turkey in the oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink Step ... Читать далее...
3. A dog walks into a butcher shopA dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter ... Читать далее...
4. Значение идиомы cold turkey[cold turkey] {adv.}, {slang}, {informal} 1. Abruptly and without medical aid to withdraw from the use of an addictive drug or from a serious drinking problem. Joe is a very brave guy; he kicked the habit cold turkey. 2. {n.} An instance of withdrawal from drugs, alcohol, or cigarette smoking. Joe did a cold turkey....
5. Значение идиомы talk turkey[talk turkey] {v. phr.}, {informal} To talk about something in areally businesslike way; talk with the aim of getting things done. Charles said, «Now, let’s talk turkey about the bus trip. The factis, it will cost each student $1.50.» The father always spokegently to his son, but when the son broke the windshield of the ... Читать далее...
6. TurkeyTurkey is a very beautiful, historical, and interesting country with many ancient attractions. The culture of Turkey takes its roots from the Ottoman Empire. Straddling many countries, Turkey is the bridge between Europe and Asia. 75 million people live there. Turkey has many cities with ancient history, and largest and arguably the most beautiful city ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод сленгового выражения go cold turkey, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: go cold turkey Перевод: резко, полностью покончить с дурной привычкой (наркотиками, алкоголем, и т. п.) Пример: I decided to go cold turkey and quit smoking. Я решил резко бросить курить....
8. Перевод идиомы talk turkey, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: talk turkey Перевод: говорить прямо; говорить начистоту, без обиняков, откровенно Пример: «Now you’re talking turkey. Let’s finish and go home.» Вот теперь ты говоришь прямо. Давай заканчивать и пошли домой....
9. This is one smart dogA butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door. «An’ wot’s this then?» he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher’s shins. «You dumb dog.» As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices ... Читать далее...
10. Where are my pyjamas?A man calls his wife and says to her, «Honey, I just got the chance of a lifetime to go on a week-long fishing trip with my boss. Could you pack up my things so that they will be ready when I get home?» «Sure, honey,» his wife answers.»Oh, and could you please pack my ... Читать далее...
11. Man and wife at the zooIt’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one ... Читать далее...
12. The dog and the butcherA dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, «Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my ... Читать далее...
13. ThanksgivingThanksgiving reminds us to be Grateful, but for a lot of people, the holiday also means a weekend of eating a lot and watching football. And, my family is No exception. My family likes to have a traditional Thanksgiving dinner each year. We invite people from our Extended family. We also invite close friends, especially ... Читать далее...
14. A very Insulting ParrotThis elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, «My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam.» She turns around quickly to see who ... Читать далее...
15. At the Butcher’sButcher: What can I get for you? Gina: I’d like a pound of Ground beef, please. Butcher: Would you like the regular or the extra Lean? The extra lean is a dollar more per pound. Gina: I’ll take the regular. Could you also Throw in two thick Pork chops and two Chicken breasts? Butcher: I’m ... Читать далее...
16. At the Butcher’sButcher: What can I get for you? Gina: I’d like a pound of Ground beef, please. Butcher: Would you like the regular or the extra Lean? The extra lean is a dollar more per pound. Gina: I’ll take the regular. Could you also Throw in two thick Pork chops and two Chicken breasts? Butcher: I’m ... Читать далее...
17. An old man is sitting on the park bench cryingAn old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old man sits down next to him and says, «Mister, what’s the problem?» The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, «I’ve got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is make love from the moment ... Читать далее...
18. Buying Meat from a ButcherButcher: Good morning. What can I get for you? Samantha: I’d like some Lamb chops, Pork chops, and some Beef, but I’m not sure which Cuts I want yet. Butcher: You’ve come to the right Butcher shop. Everything here is Fresh. Everything comes straight from the Slaughterhouse. Samantha: Um, I’m glad to hear that. Butcher: ... Читать далее...
19. A man is walking past this house when a used condomA man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock ... Читать далее...
20. Poor Rabbi!A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet for the morning’s relief, and neglected to notice that the seat was up. When she sat, she kept going! She was just the right size and shape so ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова frontFront — перед, передняя часть Перевод слова Look to your front — смотри вперед the table of contents is in the front of the book — оглавление находится в начале книги the fine front of a house — красивый фасад дома front man — подставное лицо Dibs on the Front seat! Чур, я на переднем ... Читать далее...
22. A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an AustralianA Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, «You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don’t even have a freezer! The Scotsman ... Читать далее...
23. The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignmentThe CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, «We need to know that ... Читать далее...
24. Groundhog Day«I bet you don’t know what day this is», said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: «Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?» With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы pound away at[pound away at] {v. phr.} 1. To attack; criticize. In hiscampaign speeches the candidate kept pounding away at theadministration’s foreign policy. 2. To work industriously. Mikewas pounding away at the foundation of his new house with shovels andpickaxes....
26. Better than SexA solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books. Rotated back ... Читать далее...
27. Alter thanksgiving day1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, «See mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing.» 2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, «I’m thankful I didn’t get caught» and ... Читать далее...
28. A pushA man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning. «I’m not getting out of bed at this time,» he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. «Aren’t you going to ... Читать далее...
29. A fair offerOne day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his ... Читать далее...
30. A woman and her lover are on the bedA woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman’s home, when all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close. «Oh, no, it’s my husband!» The man says, «Where’s your back door?» «We don’t have a back door» says the woman. The man then asks, «Well, where do you ... Читать далее...
31. Thanksgiving Day (2)Топик День Благодарения (2) продолжает рассказ об одном из самых почитаемых государственных праздников страны. Так как он отмечается в последний четверг ноября, многие американцы отдыхают и в пятницу, чтобы за 4 свободных дня успеть навестить всех своих друзей и родственников. По старинной традиции несколько поколений одной семьи собираются в доме старших на праздничный обед. Каждый ... Читать далее...
32. I think I try a nicer approachEvery night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let ... Читать далее...
33. Another costumeA guy goes into a costume shop. He says, «I’m going to a costume party, I want to go as Adam.» The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, «Not big enough.» She brings out a bigger one. He says, «Still not big enough.» She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, «Still ... Читать далее...
34. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
35. Love thy NeighborThe middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had ... Читать далее...
36. Dinner prepared by kidsA Thanksgiving Cookbook by Mrs. Geraghty’s Kindergarten Class NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Ivette — Banana Pie You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it. Russell — Turkey You cut the ... Читать далее...
37. So this guy was out on his front lawn flying a kiteSo this guy was out on his front lawn flying a kite, he was really having a difficult time. The kite was swinging wildly, not exactly what you’d describe as stable, so his wife sticks her head out the door and says, «Gee Ralph, it looks like you need more tail.» Ralph replies «Make up ... Читать далее...
38. PeanutsSitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it ... Читать далее...
39. Missing personRecently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, «He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is ... Читать далее...
40. Miracle Bra AlternativeMiracle Bra Alternative A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in ... Читать далее...