Love Jesus

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1. The Naming of Jesus A group of biblical scholars were involved in a heated discussion about how Jesus of Nazareth was named. How did he become known as the Messiah, or Christ. One of the scholars argued that the name was a Greek corruption of Aramaic, and purists and fundamentalists ought to use the name Joshua. Another argued that […]...
2. Scientists Reveal What Jesus Looked Like And It’ll Surprise You It’s days like this when you realise just how amazing technology can be, as scientists reveal what they believe Jesus really looked like. People often imagine Jesus with long hair, a lengthy beard and bizarrely – despite being born in the middle east – with fair skin. Has nobody questioned that at all? Besides having […]...
3. Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses “I want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days.” and Moses says “Yeah sure.” So Jesus gets up and says “I think I’ll walk on the water, that was always a good one.” So Jesus […]...
4. Значение идиомы Jesus boots [Jesus boots] or [Jesus shoes] {n.}, {slang} Men’s sandals, particularly as worn by hippies and very casually dressed people. Idig your Jesus boots, man, they look cool....
5. A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road. As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled, “Pig!” The man immediately leaned out his window and replied, “Bitch!” They continue on their way and as the man rounded the next […]...
6. And Jesus said unto his disciples And Jesus said unto his disciples, “Whom do men say that I am?” And His disciples answered unto Him, “Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch.” And Jesus said, “What?”...
7. Now he’s in trouble A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, “what’s the problem officer?” To which the policeman responded, “I stopped you for running that red light behind you.” Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and […]...
8. Love Love is the best feeling in the world. Love makes the world go round. It is the greatest mystery of all times. If you ask someone “What is love?”, he or she will hardly find enough words to express its meaning. Love can be different. There is love for parents, love for children, love for […]...
9. How did they know that Jesus was Jewish? Q: How did they know that Jesus was Jewish? A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father’s business, his mother thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin....
10. Пословица / поговорка love me, love my dog – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: love me, love my dog Перевод: любишь меня, люби и мою собаку (т. е. все со мной связанное) Эквивалент в русском языке: кто гостю рад, тот и собачку его накормит Пример: “Love me, love my dog”, the man told his fiance when she asked him to sell his favorite chair which she […]...
11. Значение идиомы puppy love [puppy love] also [calf love] {n.}, {informal} The first love ofvery young people. When John and Mary began going around togetherin junior high school, their parents said it was just puppy love....
12. Love to Death A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments – lack of sleep, no drive, very little appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is suffering from depression. The two had been friends for many years, […]...
13. Who has the right of way when four cars approach Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”...
14. Reward for goodness Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, […]...
15. A Burglar is in Big Trouble A burglar has just made it into the house he’s intending ransacking, and he’s looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, “I can see you, and so can Jesus!” Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his […]...
16. Jesus has risen Easter is approaching. Father O’Maley checks estimates for the flower decoration of the altar. The catholic florist – $ 300. “Too expensive” moans the priest. The protestant florist – $ 250, “No, it would not be right to buy at another Christian believer, especially as the price difference is rather small.” But lo! Solly Goldberg […]...
17. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do […]...
18. Husband always insisted on making love Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, “You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?” Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, “I’ll explain the toy, you explain the kids…..”...
19. Do this while driving Strange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below “things to do while driving”, as all driving should be taken seriously. The below “things to do while driving” are simply here for entertainment purposes. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit. Roll down your windows […]...
20. Japan Jokes The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for […]...
21. Значение идиомы make love [make love] {v. phr.} 1. To be warm, loving, and tender towardsomeone of the opposite sex; try to get him or her to love you too. There was moonlight on the roses and he made love to her in the porchswing. 2. To have sexual relations with. It is rumoredthat Alfred makes love to every […]...
22. After their love-making session the young bride asks her husband After their love-making session the young bride asks her husband “Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?” “Yes, she’s dead to!””Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?” “Yes, she’s dead to!”...
23. Перевод слова love Love – любовь, привязанность, влюбленность; любить Перевод слова Love of country – любовь к родине, патриотизм love of gain – корыстолюбие unrequited love – любовь без взаимности love at first sight – любовь с первого взгляда She Loves her husband deeply. Она сильно любит своего мужа. I Love cooking Я люблю готовить. I fell in […]...
24. Любовь/ Love На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Love Любовь Love is the best feeling in the world. Love makes the world go round. It is the greatest mystery of all times. If you ask someone “What is love?”, he or she will hardly find enough words to express its meaning. Love can be different. There […]...
25. Love means different things to different people В топике Люди по разному относятся к любви – автор старается разобраться, что есть любовь? На Земле миллионы людей и у каждого свое понятие истины, дружбы, ненависти, верности и, конечно, любви. Это чувство описывали поэты и писатели, каждый по-своему. Можно встретить разные определения любви: мудрая, глупая, глубокая, горькая, забавная и др. Некоторые считают, что любовь […]...
26. Значение идиомы in love [in love] {adj. phr.} Liking very much; loving. John is in lovewith Helen. Tom and Ellen arc in love. Mary is in love withher new wristwatch....
27. The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, […]...
28. Darling, she whispered after they had finished making love “Darling,” she whispered after they had finished making love, “Will you still make love like that to me after we’re married?” He considered this for a moment, and then replied, “I think so. I’ve always been especially fond of married women.”...
29. Friendship & Love&nbsp Some people think that life-long friendship exists only in books and films. Others believe that it exists in real life. Friendship is considered one of the central human experiences and for many people it may be as important as love. There are different types of friendship. People have close friends, pen pals or just acquaintances. […]...
30. I’ve never understood why women love cats I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, […]...
31. Значение идиомы love affair [love affair] {n.} A friendship between lovers; a romance orcourtship. The love affair of Bob and Jane went on for months. Harry had many love affairs, but he never married....
32. A helicopter was flying around above Seattle A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of aircraft’s electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritted sign […]...
33. Значение идиомы love-in [love-in] {n.}, {slang}, {informal} A festival or occasion tocelebrate life, human sensuality, the beauty of nature, humansexuality, and universal love; affairs so conceived by some frequentlydeteriorate into obscenity and drug using sessions in parody of theirstated purpose. The hippies gathered for a big love-inin the Halght-Ashbury district of SanFrancisco....
34. Try to get some rest A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on […]...
35. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. “We weren’t making love.” “Sorry,” said the sailor, “From […]...
36. Driving school test The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop […]...
37. Mary was having an affair during the day while Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: “Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!” Ralph looked […]...
38. Пословица / поговорка love is blind – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: love is blind Перевод: любовь слепа Эквивалент в русском языке: любовь зла, полюбишь и козла Пример: The girl was not very attractive to most people but love is blind and her boyfriend loved her very much. Девушка не очень нравилась большинству людей, но любовь слепа, и ее молодой человек очень ее любил....
39. Business is business A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks the class, “Who was the greatest man that ever lived?” A girl raises her hand and says, “I think George Washington was the […]...
40. A Love Letter Vicky: What are you working on? Issac: If I tell you, will you Promise not to laugh? Vicky: All right. What is it? Issac: It’s a Love letter to Julie. Vicky: Isn’t it a little Premature? You’ve only been going out for a month. Issac: Maybe, but I really want her to know how I […]...