Lawyers as lab rats

Related topics:

1. How to hunt elephants – Lawyers style How to hunt elephants – Lawyer’s style Lawyers don’t hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping. Sent by Alex...
2. Lawyers are greedy A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!”, he whined. “You lawyers are so […]...
3. Empathic rats spring each other from jail You enter a room with two cages. One contains a friend, who is clearly distressed. The other contains a bar of chocolate, which clearly isn’t. What do you do? While a few people would probably go for the chocolate first (and you know who you are), most would choose to free the friend. And so, […]...
4. Question and answer Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck! Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: […]...
5. Lawyers on a jury A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with […]...
6. History of lawyers Why God Created Lawyers Satan was complaining bitterly to God, “You made the world so that it was not fair, and you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes. Yet people worship […]...
7. Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer: In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes I do know […]...
8. A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price. “Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,” says the shop […]...
9. Lawyers arrive in Japan Source: Sunday Daily Breeze Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan’s well-oiled economic machine. It’s only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail. What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it’s something much more economically […]...
10. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?...
11. Перевод слова breed Breed – племя, порода, род Перевод слова Hardy breed – морозоустойчивая порода to breed poverty – плодить нищету to breed cattle – разводить рогатый скот She Breeds dogs. Она разводит собак. What Breed of dog is she? Какой она породы? Kindnesses Breed on themselves. Добрые дела плодятся сами по себе....
12. Wigs and Lawyers В топике Парики и юристы рассказывается история появления в Англии столь знакомых нам белых, завитых и напудренных париков. Хотя за многовековую историю парики не раз отменяли, потом вводили снова, расписывали условия, при которых парики необходимы, они и по сей день являются непременным атрибутом британских судей и адвокатов. English legal dress has a long history. The […]...
13. Перевод слова emotional Emotional – эмоциональный, возбужденный Перевод слова Emotional speech – темпераментная речь emotional need – эмоциональная, психологическая потребность emotional disturbance – нервное расстройство He’s a very Emotional person. Он очень эмоциональный человек. Abortion is a very Emotional issue. Аборт – это очень болезненный вопрос. Their relationship was an Emotional seesaw. Их взаимоотношения были эмоциональными качелями. Происхождение […]...
14. A local United Way office realized that A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like […]...
15. Значение идиомы take care of [take care of] {v. phr.} 1. To attend to; supply the needs of. She stayed home to take care of the baby. Syn.: KEEP AN EYE ON, LOOK AFTER. Compare: IN CHARGE. 2. {informal} To deal with; do whatis needed with. I will take care of that letter. The coach toldJim to take care of […]...
16. An old man was critically ill An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?” “It’s $50,000,” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?” “That’s my business! […]...
17. Too good to be true A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Sure do,” replied the bartender. “Good,” said the customer, “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my gator.”...
18. The seven kinds of passionate women 1.The Optimist – “Yes! Yes! Yes!” 2.The Pessimist – “No! No! No!” 3.The Confused – “Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No!” 4.The Asthmatic – written rendition of gasping 5.The Sprinter – “Faster! Agh! Faster! Faster!” 6.The Religious – “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! 7.The Mathematician – “More! More! More! More!...
19. The cost of a brain A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains. “How much does it cost for engineer brain?” “Three dollars an […]...
20. Very fair payment An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a stylish downtown attorney’s office as his lawyer handed him his will. “Your estate is very complex,” said the lawyer, “but I’ve made sure that all of your wishes will be executed. Due to the complexity, my fee is $4500.” Just then, the phone rang and […]...
21. Перевод слова lawyer Lawyer – адвокат, юрист Перевод слова A lawyer by profession – юрист по профессии lawyer’s clients – клиенты адвоката lawyer practice, practice of law – юридическая практика You should see a Lawyer. Вы должны увидеться с адвокатом. You should talk to a Lawyer. Вам следует проконсультироваться с юристом. I got a letter from my Lawyer. […]...
22. Investment counselor An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers. “As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in […]...
23. Перевод слова supply Supply – запас, провиант; снабжать, поставлять Перевод слова Goods are in short supply – запасы товаров истощаются food supplies – запасы продовольствия to supply an army with provisions – снабжать армию продовольствием We can Supply all yours wants. Мы можем удовлетворить все ваши запросы. We can Supply the goods from our main store. Мы можем […]...
24. A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three […]...
25. A man walked into a lawyer’s office and A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”...
26. Culture – Учреждения культуры All manner of general and esoteric societies, institutions, museums and foundations can be found in England. One of its more prestigious learned societies is the Royal Society (1660), which awards fellowships, medals and endowed lectureships based on scientific and technological achievements. The British Museum contains a wealth of archaeological and ethnographic specimens. Its extensive library […]...
27. Перевод слова research Research – изучение, исследование, изучать Перевод слова Detailed research – подробное исследование environmental research – исследование окружающей среды a scientific research establishment – научно-исследовательское учреждение This book has been very well Researched. Эта книга была очень хорошо изучена. He did some Research via computer. Он провел небольшое исследование при помощи компьютера. His Researches have been […]...
28. Перевод слова care Care – забота, попечение Перевод слова Care of public health – общественное здравоохранение in care – на воспитании parental care – родительская забота I don’t Care. Меня это не волнует. They shared the Care of the children. Они вместе заботились о детях. She was taken into Care as a baby. Ребенком ее взяли на воспитание....
29. Перевод слова national National – национальный, народный, государственный Перевод слова National budget – государственный бюджет national characteristic – национальные особенности national disaster – национальная катастрофа national flag – национальный флаг national affairs – вопросы государственной политики He’s a National celebrity. Он является национальной знаменитостью. The dancers were in National costume. Танцоры были в национальных костюмах....
30. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. “Now, […]...
31. Перевод слова form Form – форма, разновидность; бланк; формировать, образовывать Перевод слова Without shape or form – бесформенный in any shape or form – в любом виде it’s a form of influenza – это особая форма гриппа a form of application – форма заявления to form a choir – создавать хор Fog Forms in the valleys. Туман возникает […]...
32. A penis study In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of a man’s penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the study was published, […]...
33. A lawyer named Strange died A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.” The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: […]...
34. Значение идиомы in short supply [in short supply] {adj. phr.} Not enough; in too small a quantityor amount; in less than the amount or number needed. The cookiesare in short supply, so don’t eat them all up. We have five peopleand only four beds, so the beds are in short supply....
35. On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible “What are you doing?” asked the friend. “Looking for loopholes,” repied the lawyer....
36. A priest and a lawyer are walking down A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, “How’d you like to fuck that?” To which the lawyer replied, “Out of what?”...
37. Newer homes and furniture burn faster, giving you less time to escape a fire Research shows that 30 years ago, you had about about 17 minutes to escape a house fire. Today it’s down to 3 or 4 minutes. The reason: Newer homes and the furniture inside them actually burn faster. A lot faster. To demonstrate, Rossen Reports went to Underwriters Laboratories in Chicago, where two rooms were built […]...
38. Last minute requests A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his […]...
39. Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, “I want you to help me get a divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.” “What do you mean?” asked the attorney. “Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?” “No,” replied the […]...
40. Chem one-liners 02 Q: How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but he’ll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration. “A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.” Isaac Asimov said that if you want to […]...