Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter

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1. St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day An Australian joke… St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day when a pair of Abo’s stroll up. “Your names aren’t on today’s list… let me go and ask the Boss” he says. In God’s office he tells the Big Man all about the two Abo’s, and God tells Peter to go and […]...
2. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and […]...
3. A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
4. St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, “You were a good woman. I’m giving you a nice halo.” Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the Princess has a much bigger halo. Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, “St. Peter, I spent […]...
5. When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven. “Sorry, old man,” Peter said, “But I can’t let you in. You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back in 1978 – You took the Lord’s name in vain during a golf game.” “Oh, yes. I’ll never […]...
6. Entering Pearly Gates Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he […]...
7. Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection. The first one says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.” St. Peter says:”You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in.” The second says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands.” […]...
8. Three girls died and were brought to the gates Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, “Before entering you must answer this simple question.” “Which is…?”, they replied in unison. “Have you been a good girl?”, he asked the first girl. […]...
9. Accountant in Heaven An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a […]...
10. A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, “If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.” The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. […]...
11. Значение идиомы peter out [peter out] {v.}, {informal} To fail or die down gradually; growless; become exhausted. After the factory closed, the town prettywell petered out. The mine once had a rich vein of silver, but itpetered out. But as he thought of her, his anger slowly peteredout. Compare: GIVE OUT....
12. Значение идиомы rob Peter to pay Paul [rob Peter to pay Paul] {v. phr.} To change one duty or need foranother; take from one person or thing to pay another. Bill owedSam a dollar, so he borrowed another from Joe to pay Sam back. Herobbed Peter to pay Paul. Trying to study a lesson for one classduring another class is like robbing […]...
13. Gates gets punishment Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every […]...
14. Значение идиомы pound of flesh [pound of flesh] {n. phr.}, {literary} The maximum paymentauthorized by law. He had hoped that Peter would be lenientregarding the interest they had agreed on, but Peter demanded his fullpound of flesh....
15. Dealing with a lawyer A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in […]...
16. Calling in Sick to Work I was Fed up with work and wanted the day off. I decided To call in sick. I wasn’t prepared, though, to be Peppered with questions. Peter: Hello, this is Peter. Is this Magda? Magda: Yes. This is Magda. Peter: Hi, Magda. I won’t be Coming in today. I’m Not feeling well. I think I’ve […]...
17. Биография Петра I Великого на английском языке. Biography of Peter the Great Peter I, or Peter the Great was one of the most outstanding rulers and reformers in Russian history. He was Tsar of Russia and became Emperor in 1721. First he rules together with his brother, Ivan, and his sister, Sofya. In 1696 he became a sole ruler. He was a healthy, lively and clever child. […]...
18. Peter I the Great Peter I, or Peter the Great (1672-1725), was one of the most outstanding rulers and reformers in Russian history. He was at first a joint ruler with his weak and sickly half-brother, Ivan V, and his sister, Sophia. In 1696 he became a sole ruler. Peter I was Tsar of Russia and became Emperor in […]...
19. Punishment for Gates Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked […]...
20. Entering into Heaven A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?” The man says, “Methodist.” St. Peter looks down his list, and says, “Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.” Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion?” “Baptist.” “Go to room 18, but be very quiet […]...
21. This man got his prescription for Viagra This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home in an hour.” “Perfect,” she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He […]...
22. Hillary goes to heaven Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says “Hillary, I know you’re ‘somebody’ down on Earth, but up here, you’re just another person. And, I’m swamped right now, so have a seat and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.” So Hillary sits down […]...
23. This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of his car. After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, “Do you want to move to the back seat?” She replies, “NO!” Flabbergasted, he says, “Why Not?” To which she replies, “Well, I want to stay up here with […]...
24. Биография Билла Гейтса/ The Biography of Bill Gates На английском языке Перевод на русский язык The Biography of Bill Gates Биография Билла Гейтса There isn’t a person in the world who doesn’t know about Bill Gates. He is the founder and co-leader of Microsoft Corporation. He is also an American business magnate, who is considered to be one of the richest people on […]...
25. A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: “Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it […]...
26. A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker. It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes up,”what the hell was that?”. The truck driver replies, “some kinda animal, go back to sleep.” Further the same thing again, bang, “What the hell was that?”, […]...
27. It finally happened A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, “I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I’m really curious… What does Hell look like?” So Saint Peter thought about it a […]...
28. These two guys are car pooling home from work one day These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. “Look”, he shouts “What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?” The […]...
29. Policemen in Heaven St Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. “Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?” “I was a policeman,” he responded. “What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked. “I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.” “Wonderful my son, […]...
30. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. “Now, […]...
31. Billy Gates writes Santa Dear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you’ve had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It’s really neat how you’re able to do that year after year. I guess that’s how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you […]...
32. One day a lady went to the doctors office One day a lady went to the doctor’s office and told the doctor that her husband wasn’t interested in her any more he just wouldn’t have sex with her anymore. So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of 100 pills. He told her that “if you give your […]...
33. Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting to enter heaven. St. Peter asks the first man, “What did you do on Earth?” Man #1: I was a doctor. St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates. St. P.: And what did you do on Earth? Man #2: I was a school teacher. […]...
34. Deaf lady in trouble One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his […]...
35. Перевод слова till Till – до (времени или места) Перевод слова Till tomorrow – до завтра he did not begin till 1960 – он начал только в 1960 году till the end – до конца He read the book Till its end. Он прочитал книгу до конца. Don’t move Till I give the word. Не двигайся, пока я […]...
36. A Hero A large crowd had formed at the Pearly Gates, when Saint Peter came out with an announcement. “Because Heaven has become overcrowded, we can only let heroes in today. Is anyone here a hero?” One small man raised his hand. “I am,” he said. “What did you do that was heroic?” asked Saint Peter skeptically. […]...
37. Qualifying for Heaven Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
38. Значение идиомы flesh and blood [flesh and blood] {n.} 1. A close relative ; close relatives. Used in the phrase “one’s own flesh andblood”. Such an answer from her – and she’s my own flesh and blood, too! 2. The appearance of being real or alive. The author doesn’tgive his characters any flesh and blood. 3. The human body. Beforechild […]...
39. Bill Gates – Билл Гейтс (2) William (Bill) H. Gates is chairman and chief software architect of Microsoft Corporation. Microsoft employs more than 39,000 people in 60 countries. Born on October 28, 1955, Gates and his two sisters grew up in Seattle. Their father, William H. Gates II, is a Seattle attorney. Their late mother, Mary Gates, was a schoolteacher, University […]...
40. Значение идиомы make no bones [make no bones] {v. phr.}, {informal} 1. To have no doubts; not toworry about right or wrong; not to be against. – Used with “about”. Bill makes no bones about telling a lie to escape punishment. Theboss made no bones about hiring extra help for the holidays. 2. Tomake no secret; not keep from talking; […]...