Just in case

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1. Scared sleepingShakey went to a psychiatrist. «Doc,» he said, «I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. «you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!» «Just put yourself in my hands for two ... Читать далее...
2. A couple, age 67, went to the doctors officeA couple, age 67, went to the doctor’s office. The doctor asked, «What can I do for you?» The man said, «Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?» The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, «There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.» And he then charged ... Читать далее...
3. PneumoniaA man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good. On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a ... Читать далее...
4. A man went to the doctor for a check upA man went to the doctor for a check up. «How do you feel?» asked the doctor. «Fine.» he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, «How many times do you have sex per month?» «About two or three.» the man replied. «You should be doing better than that.» the doctor ... Читать далее...
5. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problemA young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front ... Читать далее...
6. An academic problemIn a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, «When will the girls and boys meet?» Mathematician: ... Читать далее...
7. Eat oystersA lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach. «What did you eat for dinner last night?» asked the doctor. «Oysters,» she said. «Fresh oysters?» asked the doctor. «How should I know?» said the lady «Well,» asked the doctor, «couldn’t you tell when you took off the shells?» «My Gosh,» gasped the ... Читать далее...
8. The meaning of lifeA man asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, «Do you smoke or drink?» «No,» he replied, «I’ve never done either.» «Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?» inquired the doctor. «No, I’ve never done any of those things either.» «Well ... Читать далее...
9. The general went to the doctor for a physicalThe general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions — age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the general had sex. ‘Oh,’ he mused, ‘It was 1945.’ ‘Isn’t that a long time to go without sex?’ the doctor asked. ‘I ... Читать далее...
10. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, «Do you know what I’m doing?» «Yes,» she replied, ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова practicalPractical — практический, практичный, реальный Перевод слова By practical consideration — опытным путем practical experience — практический опыт good, practical housewife — хорошая, расчетливая хозяйка practical scheme — реальный план The course places emphasis on Practical work. Учебный курс, уделяет особое внимание практическим занятиям. The debate did not turn on any Practical proposition. Дебаты не ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы at cross purposes[at cross purposes] {adv. phr.} With opposing meanings or aims; with opposing effect or result; with aims which hinder or get in each other’s way. Tom’s parents acted at cross purposes in advising him; his father wanted him to become a doctor; but his mother wanted him to become a minister....
13. A young mother paying a visit to a doctorA young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, «I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.» «No,» said the doctor calmly, ... Читать далее...
14. A dubious remedyA man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, «When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.» That same day the man went to the store ... Читать далее...
15. Значение идиомы in any case[in any case] also [in any event] or [at all events] {adv. phr.} 1.No matter what happens: surely; without fail; certainly; anyhow;anyway. It may rain tomorrow, but we are going home in any case. I may not go to Europe, but in any event, I will visit you during thesummer. 2. Regardless of anything else; ... Читать далее...
16. In the back woods of ArkansasIn the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, «Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.» ... Читать далее...
17. Constipation problemOld Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. «It’s terrible,» she said, «I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.» «I see. Have you done anything about it?» asked the doctor. «Naturally,» she replied, «I sit in the bathroom for a half — hour in the morning ... Читать далее...
18. Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be doneAunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. «It’s terrible,» she said, «I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.» «I see. Have you done anything about it?» asked the doctor. «Naturally,» she replied, «I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at ... Читать далее...
19. Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit toBrenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, «My husband wants me to ask you…» «I know, I know.» the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, «I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late ... Читать далее...
20. It finally dawned«How did it happen?» the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. «Well, doc, 25 years ago…» «Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.» «Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone ... Читать далее...
21. Manly signs«Doctor, doctor!» shouted the woman coming into the doctors offfice. «I think I’m turning into a man» then the doctor says, » Now hold on little lady what makes you think that you’re turning into a man?» » Well» said the woman «I’m starting to grow hair on my chest» and then the doctor asked, ... Читать далее...
22. BallsOnce man came to doctor and said to him that his balls don’t work. doctor implanted to him one iron and one wooden ball. in some years they meet in the street and doctor asked him. ooo how are your balls working? the man: they work perfectly. I have 2 boys-one’s name is Robocob and ... Читать далее...
23. Broken leg«How did it happen?» the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. «Well, doc, 25 years ago…» «Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.» «Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d ... Читать далее...
24. At the DoctorsAt the Doctor’s… — A young woman said to her doctor, «You have to help me, I hurt all over.» «What do you mean?» said the doctor. — The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, «Ow, that hurts.» — Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, «Ouch! That ... Читать далее...
25. Don’t Forget!An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor ... Читать далее...
26. Delivering a babyA country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he ... Читать далее...
27. A blonde with two red ears went to her doctorA blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, «I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang — but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.» «Oh Dear!» the ... Читать далее...
28. A serious conditionA well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. «We need a fourth for poker,» said ... Читать далее...
29. Crazy people talkA doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient ... Читать далее...
30. When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longerWhen the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient’s wife ... Читать далее...
31. A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleagueA prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She’s worried about the friend so she asks the doctor: Girlfriend: I’m worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ? Doctor: Well she’s 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been ... Читать далее...
32. Fixing an ailmentIn Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it’s most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They ... Читать далее...
33. Having Skin ProblemsMother: Doctor, this is my son Danny. I brought him in so you could look at his Rash. Doctor: Okay, Danny. Have a seat on the Exam table. How long have you had the rash? Mother: My son has had that rash for about two weeks. It Started out as a Blister, and then it ... Читать далее...
34. Best kind of sexA man went to a sex doctor and told him of his extremely active sex life. He said He had a wife, several mistresses, masturbated, and had wet dreams all the time. The doctor asked which he liked best. He Replied, » Wet Dreams, you meet a much higher class of people in them.»...
35. Значение идиомы to all intents and purposes[to all intents and purposes] {adv. phr.} In most ways; in fact. The president is called the head of state, but the prime minister, toall intents and purposes, is the chief executive....
36. An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthdayAn eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, ... Читать далее...
37. In case of emergencyA car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats. The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming ... Читать далее...
38. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-upAn old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, «So how has life been treating you?» The old man replies,»The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when ... Читать далее...
39. During her annual checkup, the well-constructed missDuring her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. «Doctor,» she replied shyly, «I just can’t undress in front of you.» «All right,» said the physician, «I’ll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you’re through.» In a few moments, her voice rang out ... Читать далее...
40. A clever court caseOne evening after attending a concert, two men were walking down the road when they saw a well-dressed and attractive looking woman walking ahead of them. One of the men turned to the other and said, «I’d give 50 bucks to spend the night with her.» To their surprise the woman overheard the remark. Turning ... Читать далее...