John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital

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1. There was this man in a mental hospitalThere was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. ... Читать далее...
2. Passing an examThree patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking ... Читать далее...
3. Jones is driving past the state mental hospitalJones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for ... Читать далее...
4. A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionistA man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in room 27. She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. «Good,» says the man. «That means I must have really escaped.»...
5. After a bad accidentPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well… The bad news first… Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had ... Читать далее...
6. The good and the badPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we ... Читать далее...
7. There was a costume party at a mental hospitalThere was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was «war». The first person comes up onto the stage and says, «I’m an atomic bomb.» He gets his applause and steps down. The second person comes up and says, «I’m a hydrogen bomb.» Again, there’s applause and he steps down. ... Читать далее...
8. Chaim escapes from a mental hospitalChaim escapes from a mental hospital and goes to the train station. He gets on the train and is seated next to a business man. He asks the man, «Are you Jewish?» The man says, «No.» Joe apologizes. Ten minutes later, he asks, «You wouldn’t happen to be Jewish would you?» The man replies, «No!» ... Читать далее...
9. I have a dream to be a doctorВ топике У меня есть мечта – стать врачом, я расскажу о том, почему я хочу получить медицинское образование, стать практикующим врачом и работать в больнице. В нашей семье мой дедушка и моя мама – врачи. Мой дедушка – хирург, он очень внимательно относится к своим пациентам и искренне радуется их выздоровлению. Я его очень ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова mentalMental — психический, умственный Перевод слова Mental defect — умственный дефект this mental disengagement — эта свобода ума mental disorder — психическое расстройство I made a Mental note of his name. Я отметил его имя в уме. His physical and Mental health had got worse. Его физическое и душевное здоровье ухудшилось. He was recommitted to ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова hospitalHospital — больница, госпиталь Перевод слова Mental hospital, hospital for the insane — психиатрическая больница hospital attendant — санитар больницы hospital bill — счет за лечение в больнице She works at Hospital. Она работает в больнице. Hurry them to the Hospital! Быстро отправьте их в больницу. She phoned the Hospital daily. Она звонила в больницу ... Читать далее...
12. Having a Good or Bad Bedside MannerCho: I’m not sure I’m Cut out to be a doctor. Joy: I think you’ll be great. I’ve seen you with Patients and you have a great Bedside manner – not like Gregory. Cho: Why? What’s wrong with his bedside manner? Joy: I’ve seen him with patients and he can be really Callous. For instance, ... Читать далее...
13. Doctor-Patient ConfidentialityDr. Green: Can I Consult you on a case of Medical ethics? Dr. Hause: Sure, I’m not a lawyer, but I can give you my opinion as another doctor. Dr. Green: That’s what I’m looking for, your honest opinion. I have a Patient who has a medical condition that can be Spread to her family, ... Читать далее...
14. A psychology student at a local universityA psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered «When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.» ... Читать далее...
15. HEGSThe Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S «What’s that?», the patient asks. «It’s a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.» The patient wants to know if there’s a cure, to which the Doctor responds, «We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.» «Why only pancackes?», ... Читать далее...
16. A large differenceA man went to the doctor’s. The doctor came in and said, «Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out ... Читать далее...
17. What is the timeA man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, «Pardon me, sir, but do you ... Читать далее...
18. Scheduling a Medical AppointmentI needed to make an Appointment with a doctor so I called my Health plan‘s phone number for new Patients. Before I could schedule my appointment, I had to listen to several recorded messages to be Routed to the right medical office. The recording said to Stay on the line for assistance. Clerk: Hello, Western ... Читать далее...
19. Construction Worker Hides Waldo On Site For Kids In Hospital Next DoorOne man is helping kids find a little joy. Jason Haney, a construction foreman, hides a life-size cutout he made of Where’s Waldo on site every day for kids who are staying at a hospital next door to find. «It’s just for the kids to get their minds off of things,»Haney told The Huffington Post. ... Читать далее...
20. Crazy people talkA doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient ... Читать далее...
21. The modest man is in the hospital for a series of testThe modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last test has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing ... Читать далее...
22. A letter to John HinkleyMr. John Hinkley St. Elizabeth Hospital Washington D. C. Dear John, Hillary and I just wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our country’s new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is ... Читать далее...
23. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospitalThe medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, «Sol, I’m happy ... Читать далее...
24. В больнице (At the hospital), лексика и слова по темеA medical centre – медицинский центр An outpatients department – поликлиника A university polyclinic – студенческая поликлиника A maternity home – родильный дом A reception – регистратура Surgery hours – часы приема A medical record – медкарта A health insurance certificate – медицинский полис A casualty ward – приемный покой A hospital ward – больничная ... Читать далее...
25. David Copperfield is doing his magic show andDavid Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick. «I will», replies a guy in the audience, «but I’m going to need your wife Claudia and a table.» «Ok», says David and the guy gets on stage. He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова poolPool — бассейн, озерцо, пруд Перевод слова Pool of blood — лужа крови depth of a pool — глубина бассейна outdoor swimming pool — открытый плавательный бассейн freshwater pool — озерцо с пресной водой Everyone jumped into the Pool. Все запрыгнули в бассейн. He shoved me into the Pool. Он столкнул меня в бассейн. The ... Читать далее...
27. A dyslexic nurseTwo doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. «She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.» said one doctor. «Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!» The ... Читать далее...
28. Visiting a Patient in the HospitalGeorge: You’re just In time. There’s only another 20 minutes until the end of Visiting hours. Inez: I got here as soon as I could. How is Uncle Peter? George: They moved him from the Emergency ward to the Intensive care unit. He’s on Life support. Inez: How could this have happened? How could somebody ... Читать далее...
29. A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleagueA prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She’s worried about the friend so she asks the doctor: Girlfriend: I’m worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ? Doctor: Well she’s 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод идиомы John Henry / John Hancock, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: John Henry / John Hancock Перевод: собственноручная подпись Пример: Please sign your John Henry here and we will process your order right away. Пожалуйста, поставьте здесь свою подпись и мы сразу же обработаем ваш заказ....
31. Значение идиомы mental telepathy[mental telepathy] {n. phr.} The passing of one person’s thoughtsto another without any discoverable talking or carrying of signalsbetween them. Mrs. Smith knew the moment her husband’s ship sank onthe other side of the world. It seems like a case of mentaltelepathy. Most or all men who practice mental telepathy on stagehave really trained themselves ... Читать далее...
32. David Duchovny — Дэвид ДуховныDavid Duchovny was born in New York City on the 7th of August, 1960. His father is a writer and his mother is a housewife. Before David was bom his parents had been English teachers. When his parents divorced, David was raised by his mother, along with his sister Laurie and his brother Daniel. David ... Читать далее...
33. Questioning Mental CompetencyClaire: What are you doing with all those law books? I thought you retired 20 years ago. Ray: I’m preparing for my Mental competency hearing. Claire: Mental competency hearing? But your mind is as Sharp as it has ever been. Ray: That’s not what my children think. They are going to court to prove my ... Читать далее...
34. Giving Birth in a HospitalIt was 2 o’clock in the morning when my wife woke me up. She is eight-and-a-half months Pregnant and she told me that her Water had broken. She said that she was having Contractions and she was sure that she was In labor. I Paged our doctor and drove to the hospital. When we arrived, ... Читать далее...
35. A man goes to the doctor with a long history ofA man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. «Listen,» says the Doctor, «I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going ... Читать далее...
36. An elderly patient needed a heart transplantAn elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, «We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd ... Читать далее...
37. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Больница (Hospital)»По-английски Перевод на русский Mary: Mum, I’m not feeling well today. Мэри: Мам, я неважно чувствую себя сегодня. Mum: What’s the matter, dear? Мама: В чем дело, дорогая? Mary: I have a strong stomach ache and I feel nauseous. Мэри: У меня сильно болит живот и меня подташнивает. Mum: That’s not good. Let me check ... Читать далее...
38. Mental DisordersDr. Miao: At Berthiaume College, we take Mental health issues very seriously. That’s why we have so many mental health services on campus. Dean: Such as? Dr. Miao: Well, for example, there is a meeting tonight of our Support group for Anorexics and Bulimics. Tomorrow night, I’ll be speaking to a group of students about ... Читать далее...
39. Fixing an ailmentIn Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it’s most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They ... Читать далее...
40. WWE SUPERSTAR JOHN CENA® TO GRANT HIS 500TH WISHFor 8-year-old Rocco from New York, his wish to meet WWE Superstar John Cena has helped keep him positive and strong during his battle against leukemia. Rocco likes John Cena’s «Never Give Up» motto and how he always wants to help people. This month, Rocco’s wish will come true, and he is excited to have ... Читать далее...