Investment counselor

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1. Перевод слова investment Investment – инвестирование Перевод слова A bigtime investment banker – крупный инвестиционный банк to make an investment – инвестировать investment in oil stocks – вложение в акции нефтяных компаний That was a smart Investment. Это была разумная инвестиция. I’m shopping for a safe Investment. Я присматриваюсь, куда бы понадежнее поместить капитал An Investment that pays […]...
2. Magnussen goes to a marriage counselor and says Magnussen goes to a marriage counselor and says, “My wife isn’t as much fun as she used to be.” The marriage counselor says, “Do you still enjoy a roll in the hay?” Magnussen says, “As much as the next fellow.” The counselor says, “Maybe between you and the next fellow, she’s exhausted.”...
3. A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was […]...
4. Talk to the judge A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer’s tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge’s orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, “Counselor, you […]...
5. A man walked into a lawyer’s office and A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”...
6. A lawyer named Strange died A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.” The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: […]...
7. First grade romance An honest 7-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. “How did that happen?” gasped her mother. “It wasn’t easy,” admitted her daughter, “but three girls helped me catch him....
8. Drinking too much A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he’s had enough. The bartender […]...
9. An old man was critically ill An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?” “It’s $50,000,” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?” “That’s my business! […]...
10. Suffering A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.” The counselor turns to her husband and inquires “Is that true?” The husband replies “Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.”...
11. I have a question A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float? The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish […]...
12. Earn it hiking A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. “Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300.” “Easy, Dad,” the boy replied. “I earned it hiking.” “Come on,” the father said. “Tell me the truth.” “That is […]...
13. Last minute requests A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his […]...
14. An older woman was in the pastoral study An older woman was in the pastoral study counceling for her upcoming fourth wedding. “Father,” she said, “How am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?” “My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be,” he replied. “Well Father, my first husband was a […]...
15. Breaking Bad Habits Counselor: Welcome everybody. You’ve all joined this Support group because you have some Bad habits that you’d like To break. Would anyone like to introduce themselves and tell us about their bad habit? Stu: Uh yeah, I’m Stu and my wife Signed me up for this support group because she says I have some really […]...
16. A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace […]...
17. The last request Father O’Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears. “What’s bothering you so, dear?” inquired Farther O’Grady. “Oh, father, I’ve got terrible news.” Replied Mary. “Well what is it, Mary?” “Well, my husband, passed away last night, […]...
18. Перевод слова prospect Prospect – вид, панорама, перспектива Перевод слова A beautiful prospect to the south – прекрасный вид на юг a tall building shuts out the prospect – высокое здание заслоняет вид a man of no prospects – бесперспективный человек sales prospect – потенциальный покупатель I had no job, no education, and no Prospects. У меня не […]...
19. A priest and a lawyer are walking down A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, “How’d you like to fuck that?” To which the lawyer replied, “Out of what?”...
20. What a Woman Really Needs A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a […]...
21. Types of Business Entities Ron: I’m only your Tax accountant, but let me give you a piece of advice. If you’re planning to start a business, you’ll want to carefully consider what type of Business entity you want to do business under. Marcela: Is that important? My parents ran a Mom-and-pop store for 40 years and they never had […]...
22. Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, “I want you to help me get a divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.” “What do you mean?” asked the attorney. “Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?” “No,” replied the […]...
23. Перевод слова honest Honest – честный, искренний, настоящий Перевод слова Honest to the core – искренний до глубины души honest fellow – честный малый honest to God – честное слово honest price – справедливая цена Just give me an Honest answer. Просто дай мне честный ответ. Honest to God, I wasn’t there. Честное слово, я там не был. […]...
24. Criminal steals lumber A man with a nagging secret couldn’t keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. “What did you take?” his priest asked. “Enough to build my own house and enough for my son’s house. And houses for our two […]...
25. Lawyers are greedy A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!”, he whined. “You lawyers are so […]...
26. This fellow comes to confession This fellow comes to confession. “Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asked, “What did you do, my son?” “I lusted,” the fellow replied. “Tell me about it,” the priest said. The fellow then related his story. “Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in […]...
27. Being Sued Ally: Hello, Ally McNeal. Jerry: Ally, this is Jerry Mason. I need to talk to you right away. We’re Being sued and we’ve just Been served. This is one of those times I wish we had In-house counsel. Ally: Jerry, you know that our firm will do its best To represent you, as we’ve done […]...
28. A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest…the grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00. The boy said “Thank you, virgin Father!” The priest replied, “What did you say?” The boy repeated, “Thank […]...
29. Guilty Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder. There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he’ll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick. “Ladies and gentlemen […]...
30. Перевод слова lawyer Lawyer – адвокат, юрист Перевод слова A lawyer by profession – юрист по профессии lawyer’s clients – клиенты адвоката lawyer practice, practice of law – юридическая практика You should see a Lawyer. Вы должны увидеться с адвокатом. You should talk to a Lawyer. Вам следует проконсультироваться с юристом. I got a letter from my Lawyer. […]...
31. Very fair payment An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a stylish downtown attorney’s office as his lawyer handed him his will. “Your estate is very complex,” said the lawyer, “but I’ve made sure that all of your wishes will be executed. Due to the complexity, my fee is $4500.” Just then, the phone rang and […]...
32. The way he died A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn’t make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. […]...
33. Значение идиомы turn an honest penny [turn an honest penny] {v. phr.} To realize a good profit. Tomturned an honest penny in the soybean trading business. Compare:PRETTY PENNY....
34. Honesty is the best policy A very very rich gentleman dies, leaving his fortune to his only living friends, a Doctor, a CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, his will stipulated that each one must place their third of the money in his coffin before he is put in his final resting place. The funeral comes […]...
35. These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home […]...
36. Question and answer Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck! Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: […]...
37. Getting a new deputy The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. “Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?” “11” he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.” […]...
38. Значение идиомы honest to goodness [honest to goodness] or [honest to God] {adj. phr.}, {informal}Really; truly; honestly. – Used to emphasize something said. Whenwe were in Washington, we saw the President, honest to goodness. “Honest to goodness, Jane, I think you are the messiest girl in theworld,” said Mother....
39. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little […]...
40. England Jokes Q: What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...