In the Sex Ed class the teacher says

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1. The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a gameThe Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described. Teacher: «The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem.» Timmy: » I know what it is, it’s an apple.» Teacher: «That’s right, I like the way ... Читать далее...
2. One day in class the teacherOne day in class the teacher has sex education. On the black board she draws a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is. In the back of the room, Dirty Johnny stands and says «That’s a penis, and my father has two of them». The teacher looks surprised and ... Читать далее...
3. The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, andThe teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off. She goes bitching to Little Johnny’s father. She comes to Little Johnny’s house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goat in the front yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father «Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now….now ... Читать далее...
4. Little Johnny was in class againLittle Johnny was in class again. Teacher asked everyone «Can anyone tell me a sentence with the word definitely in it?» Meg puts up her hand.»The sky is definitely blue.» «Thats not bad, Meg,» says the teacher, «but the sky can be grey or red.» Young Sally tried :»The grass is definitely green.» «Good try ... Читать далее...
5. One day a teacher was teaching religionOne day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class «What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?» Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. «I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of ... Читать далее...
6. Little Johnny was in his math’s class one dayLittle Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. «If I gave you $20,» the teacher began,» and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?» «An orgy,» Johnny answered....
7. Bush fans v. Kerry fansThere’s a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy — Johnny. The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to ... Читать далее...
8. Famous QuotesOne Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with «This was England’s finest hour.» Little Suzy instantly jumped up ... Читать далее...
9. Значение идиомы third class[third class] {n.} 1. The third best or highest group; the classnext after the second class. Mary won the pie-making contest in thethird class, for the youngest girls. 2. Mail that is printed, otherthan magazines and newspapers that are published regularly, andpackages that are not sealed and weigh less than a pound. Thecompany uses third ... Читать далее...
10. One day the teacher decides to play an animal gameOne day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says «See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?» Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a ... Читать далее...
11. Strict schoolIt was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy «My name is Johnny Fuckhauer». So she said «There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; ... Читать далее...
12. A young female teacher was giving an assignmentA young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, «What’s so funny Pat?» «Well teacher, I just ... Читать далее...
13. A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmeticA teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny. So she said, «If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?» «Somebody else’s pants.» said the Little Johnny....
14. Everything we needA young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, «oh miss, oh ... Читать далее...
15. Winnie The????«Winnie The????» It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class. The teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one thing they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone 1 thing she ... Читать далее...
16. A lesson in ebonicsA sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell ‘before.’ He stands up and says, «Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.» The teacher says, «No, that’s wrong. Can anyone else spell before?» Another little boy stands up and says, «Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.» Again the teacher says, «No, that’s wrong.» The teacher asks, ... Читать далее...
17. Fun on first day of classThis is for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you do any of these things on the first day of class or for that matter, on any day of class. 1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, «Quite right, old bean!» 2. Wear ... Читать далее...
18. Little Johny being literalTeacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad’s do for a living. Little Mary says: «My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail.» Little Jack says: «My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better.» All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. ... Читать далее...
19. Blowing the Whistle at WorkBecky: What are we going to do? Saeed: I don’t know. I need time to think about the Ramifications of Blowing the whistle. Becky: There are No two ways about it. If we Step up and do the right thing, we are putting our jobs On the line. Saeed: But we can’t keep quiet about ... Читать далее...
20. Do the mathThe math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, «Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?» Little Johnny quickly replied, «NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!»...
21. Little Johnny comes home from schoolLittle Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that «Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,» and would his mother,»please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.» So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, ... Читать далее...
22. Animal stutteringLittle Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Johnny’s hand shoots up. «Not correct, Miss!» he says. «Please explain, Johnny,» replies the teacher. «Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with ... Читать далее...
23. Johnny missed his final exam due to the fluJohnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First ... Читать далее...
24. Little Johnny walks into his primary schoolLittle Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher. Teacher «Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?» Johnny «I’m sorry Miss, but my Grandad got burnt yesterday.» Teacher, «Was he burned very bad?» Johnny, «Yes Mam, they don’t fuck around at these crematoriums you know....
25. An ApologyBecky: Curt. Curt: Oh, hi. Becky: Can I talk to you for a minute? Curt: I’m really busy right now. Becky: Just one minute. I Promise it won’t take long. Curt: Okay. Let’s talk over here. Becky: Curt, I’m really Sorry that I told Joyce that you had A crush on her. We were just ... Читать далее...
26. Beautiful — in a sentenceThe teacher says, «Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today’s word is «beautiful». Little Sally, would you please come up here and use «beautiful» in a sentence?» Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы cut a class[cut a class] {v. phr.} To be truant; to deliberately miss a class and do something else instead. «If you keep cutting classes the way you do, you will almost surely flunk this course,» John’s professor said to him....
28. Little Johnny was late for schoolLittle Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, «Why are you late little Johnny?» Johnny replied, «My grandpa got burnt, Miss.» The teacher replied, «I hope it wasn’t too bad.» Then little Johnny said, «Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t muck around!»...
29. Перевод слова teacherTeacher — учитель, преподаватель Перевод слова Teacher edition — издание для учителей; методическое пособие teacher’s college — педагогический институт teacher education — подготовка учителей Experience is a great Teacher. Опыт — великий учитель. As a Teacher he leads. Как учитель он превосходит всех других. She was certified as a Teacher. Она получила диплом учителя. Происхождение ... Читать далее...
30. The last wordsA teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said, «My father’s dead, Miss.» «Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?» «He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and collapsed.»...
31. Перевод слова seventySeventy — семьдесят, семидесятый Перевод слова A man of seventy — семидесятилетний мужчина seventy houses — семьдесят домов chapter seventy — семидесятая глава seventy-one — семьдесят один He was doing Seventy. Он ехал со скоростью семьдесят миль в час. He must be about Seventy. Ему должно быть около семидесяти лет. The house was appraised at ... Читать далее...
32. Asking About JobsI was at the store The other day. I saw a former co-worker, Michael, across the room. He used to work at my company until he quit a few months ago to start a new job as a Public relations officer at Missouri University. It’s a job he’s been Working toward For years. He wasn’t ... Читать далее...
33. Employee Performance ReviewDon: So how did your End-of-the-year review go? Becky: Oh, it was okay. I had my meeting with Mitch this morning and his Bottom line is that he thinks I need to Show more Initiative. He thinks that I need to start being more Creative. Don: Did he actually say that? Becky: Well, Not in ... Читать далее...
34. Where is the French border?«Why do you look so glum today?», the teacher asked young Johnny. «I didn’t have no breakfast,» Johnny mumbled. «You poor dear,» said the teacher. «Now, to return to our geography lesson, Johnny, where is the French border?» «In bed with my mom. That’s why I didn’t have no breakfast.»...
35. Who signed the Declaration of Independence?A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. «Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?» He said, «Damn if I know.» She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back. Next day, the father came with his son, ... Читать далее...
36. A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged childrenA teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you ... Читать далее...
37. Значение идиомы second class[second class] {n.} 1. The second best or highest group; the classnext after the first. Joe was good enough in arithmetic to be putin the second class but was not good enough for the first. Compare:FIRST CLASS. 2. The place or quarters, especially on a ship, train, orairplane which people travel who pay the next ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы first class[first class] {n.} 1. The first rank; the highest class; the bestgroup. The pianist was quite good but he was not in the firstclass. 2. The most expensive or comfortable class of travel; the bestor one of the best groups in which to travel, especially by ship, train, or airplane. Most people can’t afford the ... Читать далее...
39. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whalesA little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a ... Читать далее...
40. When the boy started Kindergarten, the teacherWhen the boy started Kindergarten, the teacher asked all the children to give their first name. When she got to the little boy in the second row, he said: «I’ll give you a hint. First it’s in your hand, then it’s in your mouth, and then it’s in your tummy.» The teacher smiled and said: ... Читать далее...