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1. Arriving home very drunkA man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: «Why don’t you be a good Samaritan and take him home.» The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles ... Читать далее...
2. On a very cold nightOn a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local brothel and the madam said, «You’ll have to wait.» «But there’s lots of girls that aren’t busy right now.» «Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs.» «Listen, I’m pretty desperate. I don’t need a room.» So she takes his money ... Читать далее...
3. I think I try a nicer approachEvery night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let ... Читать далее...
4. An elderly couple, still very loving after all these yearsAn elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again — the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live ... Читать далее...
5. A pushA man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning. «I’m not getting out of bed at this time,» he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. «Aren’t you going to ... Читать далее...
6. Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they wereThree guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and ... Читать далее...
7. A man gets home early from workA man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. «What’s up?» he says. «I’m having a heart attack,» cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, ... Читать далее...
8. This businessman was walking down the sidewalkThis businessman was walking down the sidewalk when a jet black van stopped by him. The guys pulled the man inside, stripped him of all his clothes till he was butt naked, threw him back outside, and then slammed the door shut taking off. Five miles later the men look outside and see the businessman ... Читать далее...
9. There was a drunk man walking down the street turningThere was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, «Sir, what are you doing?» The drunk replied, «I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.» The police officer ... Читать далее...
10. Drunk orders himself a beerA man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink — he could ... Читать далее...
11. One day, little Billy comes home from kindergartenOne day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also ... Читать далее...
12. A man is walking past this house when a used condomA man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock ... Читать далее...
13. A hundred dollarsA man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. «Out drinking again!?» she says. «How much money did you spend this time?» «$100,» answers the man. «$100!» she shouts. «That’s ridiculous, spending that much in one night!» «Easy for you ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова downstairsDownstairs — нижняя часть здания, низ Перевод слова Bed was removed downstairs — кровать перенесли вниз belt downstairs — кубарем скатиться по лестнице downstairs rooms — комнаты первого этажа The bed was removed Downstairs. Кровать переставили на первый этаж. He lives Downstairs from us. Он живет на этаже под нами. They heard a commotion Downstairs. ... Читать далее...
15. Egg jokeIn a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by the hinges; across the width of the door from the ... Читать далее...
16. Your father is drunkTo The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Oh you better not shout, you better not cry, You better not pout, I’m tellin’ you why, Daddy’s home and I think he’s drunk. He’s walkin’ real slow, he slurs when he speaks, I don’t even think he’s shaved in two weeks, Daddy’s home and ... Читать далее...
17. There was an old married couple that had happilyThere was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband’s habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she ... Читать далее...
18. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy manA lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, «There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.» «No problem,» ... Читать далее...
19. THERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLETHERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE; GERTRUDE, SOPHIA, AND HARRIET. GERTRUDE SAID, «I THINK I’LL GO UPSTAIRS NOW AND TAKE A BATH.» SHE TOOK ALL HER CLOTHES OFF AS AS SHE WAS FILLING UP THE TUB, SHE HAD ONE FOOT IN THE TUB AND THE OTHER STILL OUTSIDE THE TUB. SHE ... Читать далее...
20. I know you were drunk yesterdayA fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his ... Читать далее...
21. Amusing Humor about the IrishO’Toole volunteered to take care of his numerous children so that Mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O’Toole kept sending him back up. At 10 o’clock the doorbell rang. It was the next ... Читать далее...
22. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycleFor his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, «Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.» The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front ... Читать далее...
23. Got something«Get this.» said the bloke to his mates, «Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. «Did he get anything.» his mates asked. «yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.»...
24. Перевод слова upstairsUpstairs — наверху, на верхнем этаже Перевод слова To run upstairs — побежать наверх to go upstairs — оторваться от земли she is upstairs — она наверху When you go Upstairs, bring these towels with you. Когда пойдешь наверх, захвати эти полотенца с собой. The bellhop carried the luggage Upstairs. Коридорный отнес багаж наверх. Doesn’t ... Читать далее...
25. A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcutA drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard. It is raining heavily and very dark. The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and ... Читать далее...
26. I get so drunk that I imagine thingsThe drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, «What do you have in there, pal?» «A mongoose.» «What for?» «Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. ... Читать далее...
27. Diary EntriesAUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. I love it here. OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red ... Читать далее...
28. A fellow decides to take off early from workA fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he ... Читать далее...
29. A henpecked husbandA henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. «You don’t have to let your wife bully you,» he said. «Go home and show her you’re the boss.» The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, «From now ... Читать далее...
30. Free drinks for everyoneOne night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: «Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.» So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: «That will be $36.50 please.» The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. The next ... Читать далее...
31. Types of ViewsAndrea: Help me decide on which type of hotel room To book. George: I want the one with a bed. Andrea: Very funny. We have a choice of different views, and each one is a different price. For instance, a room with a City view is $175 a night and a Panoramic view is $275 ... Читать далее...
32. Virginia JokesVirginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix? — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Virginia: Please don’t confuse us ... Читать далее...
33. Перевод слова floorFloor — пол, настил, этаж Перевод слова Dirt floor — земляной пол to live on the same floor — жить на одном этаже floor paint — краска для пола Please sweep the Floor. Пожалуйста, подмети пол. He lay flat on the Floor. Он лежал плашмя на полу. We took the lift to the tenth Floor. ... Читать далее...
34. This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little JohnnyThis guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny wearing a red firefighter’s hat and sitting in a red wagon which is being pulled slowly by a large Labador Retriever. When he got a little closer, he saw that the kid was holding a rope which is tied to the dog’s ... Читать далее...
35. This rich couple were going out for the eveningThis rich couple were going out for the evening when the woman of the house decided to give the butler the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his night. Well, as it turned out the wife wasn’t having a good time at the ... Читать далее...
36. Going to a BarI’d been complaining to a coworker, Amy, about having to move to the Burbs for my job. She said that there were plenty of things to do outside of the city and invited me to a Bar she likes. … Amy: Hey, there you are. Mykhailo: Hey, so this is the famous McQ’s you’ve been ... Читать далее...
37. A man had been drinking at the bar for hoursA man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the ... Читать далее...
38. Driving home very drunkIt seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before ... Читать далее...
39. Слова на тему дом на английском языке (лексика)Слова на тему дом с переводом » в алфавитном порядке Armchair — Кресло Attic — Чердак Balcony — Балкон Bathroom — Ванная комната Bed — Кровать Bedroom — Спальня Brick — Кирпичный Bulb — Лампочка Ceiling — Потолок Chair — Стул Closet — Шкаф для вещей Concrete — Бетонный Cooker — Плита Couch — Диван ... Читать далее...
40. This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeousThis bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, «You really smell terrific. What’s that you have on?» The flattered ... Читать далее...