I am afraid of that tarmac
A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.
The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won’t see him. The barman looks down at him and says, “What’s the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You’ve got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac?
The motorway replies, “You don’t know him like I do. He’s a cyclepath.”
(1 оценок, среднее: 5.00 из 5)Related topics:
- The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says “You see? This is a failic symbol!” Girl says “Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller”...
- Значение идиомы afraid of one’s shadow [afraid of one’s shadow] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Scared of small or imaginary things; very easily frightened; jumpy; nervous. Mrs. Smith won’t stay alone in her house at night; she is afraid of her own shadow. Johnny cries whenever he must say hello to an adult; he is afraid of his own shadow....
- Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
- Be afraid if you annoy this husband A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman’s horse mis-steps and jostles the man’s wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, […]...
- A man walks into a doctor office A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”...
- Значение идиомы shoulder [shoulder] See: CHIP ON ONE’S SHOULDER, COLD SHOULDER, GOOD HEAD ONONE’S SHOULDERS, HEAD AND SHOULDERS, PUT ONE’S SHOULDER TO THE WHEEL, ON ONE’S SHOULDERS, RUB ELBOWS or RUB SHOULDERS, SQUARE ONE’SSHOULDERS, WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON ONE’S SHOULDERS....
- A guy in a bar The bartender asks him “What’ll you have?”. The guy answers, “A scotch, please”. The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars”, to which he replies “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this”. A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You […]...
- Little girl walks into the bathroom A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks “What’s that?” Her sister replies “That is my possum, sis!” The young girl replies “Oh, OK” The next day she sees her mother get out of the […]...
- A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, “I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.” […]...
- Man walks into a supermarket and buys Man walks into a supermarket and buys : 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner The girl at the checkout looks at him and says “Single are you?” The man replies very sarcastically “How did you […]...
- Tommy goes into a confessional box and says Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The Priest says, “Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says “Yes father, it’s me.” The Priest says “Who was the woman you were with?” Tommy says “I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t […]...
- I don’t owe anything for this drink The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars,” to which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.” A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, […]...
- Stolen Car Stolen Car A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, “Can I help you, sir?” “Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!” the man replies. The cop asks, “Where was your car the last time you saw it?” “It […]...
- Edward walks out of a bar Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. “Can I help you, fella?”, asks the cop. “Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!” Edward replies. The cop asks, “Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?”. “It […]...
- Значение идиомы square one’s shoulders [square one’s shoulders] {v. phr.} To stand strong and ready togive battle; be brave. Jack squared his shoulders and entered thegame. Graduates must square their shoulders and face the world....
- Значение идиомы good head on one’s shoulders [good head on one’s shoulders] {n. phr.} Good sense; good judgment. Jack has a good head on his shoulders; he never drives too fast. Alice is a girl with a good head on her shoulders, she always keepsgood company. George showed he had a good head on his shoulders byrefusing to cheat....
- A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder. “I am so obsessed with my mother… As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up in such a state, all I can do is go downstairs and […]...
- Перевод слова lane Lane – переулок, дорожка, тропинка Перевод слова Lanes and alleys – закоулки the country lanes – узкие сельские тропинки traffic lane – полоса движения I moved out into the second Lane. Я переместился на вторую дорожку. That idiot changed Lanes without signalling. Этот идиот сменили полосу без предупреждения. On the M40, there are Lane closures […]...
- Значение идиомы head and shoulders [head and shoulders] {adv. phr.} 1. By the measure of the head andshoulders. The basketball player is head and shoulders taller thanthe other boys. 2. By far; by a great deal; very much. She is headand shoulders above the rest of the class in singing. See: FAR ANDAWAY....
- You can’t bring that dog in this bar A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!” The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog.” “Oh man, ” the bartender says, “I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on […]...
- A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog. He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & around his head. The druggist says “May I help you?” The blind man replies “No thank you, I’m just looking around.”...
- A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder…the bartender looks up and says ” where the hell did you get that thing? The Parrot replies ” Over in Africa, there’s millions of them ” !!!!...
- Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, “Are you ready to order?” Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.” “A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is […]...
- A guy walks into an elevator and stands next A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, “Can I smell your pussy?” The woman looks at him in disgust and says, “Certainly not!” “Hmmm,” he replies. “It must be your feet, then.”...
- Значение идиомы piece [piece] See: BY THE PIECE, CONVERSATION PIECE, GIVE A PIECE OFONE’S MIND, GO TO PIECES, OF A PIECE, PIECE OF CAKE, SAY ONE’S PIECEor SPEAK ONE’S PIECE, TO PIECES....
- A blonde and a brunette were talking one day A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him “Head and Shoulders” and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, “How do you give shoulders?”...
- Перевод слова afraid Afraid – испуганный, боящийся Перевод слова To be afraid of smth. – бояться чего-л. to make afraid – пугать to be half afraid – опасаться Don’t be Afraid to ask for help. Не бойтесь просить о помощи. I’m Afraid you’re wrong. Я боюсь, что вы неправы. I’m Afraid I’ve overdone the vegetables. Кажется, я переварил […]...
- Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks “What’s that mum? ” His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally she came up with the following, “That’s where your dad accidentially hit me […]...
- Значение идиомы by the piece [by the piece] {adv. phr.} Counted one piece at a time, separately for each single piece. John bought boxes full of bags of potato chips and sold them by the piece. Mary made potholders and got paid by the piece....
- Значение идиомы ferret out [ferret out] {literary} or [smell out] or [sniff out] {v.} To huntor drive from hiding; to bring out into the open; search for and find. John ferreted out the answer to the question in the library. Jane smelled out the boys’ secret hiding place in the woods....
- A man walks into a jewellers shop A man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: “I’m sorry Sir, this is a clock shop not a cock shop.” “Well, put two hands and a face on this.” replies the man....
- A state-of-the-art watch A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No”, he replies,”I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just […]...
- A truck driver breaks down and A truck driver breaks down and shortly another trucker stops to give him hand. He notices that the first driver has a big red spot painted on his dash and asks him what it’s for. He replies “Oh that’s a conversation piece for when I pick up female hitchhikers. I get lots of pussy that […]...
- Someone really stinks A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, “Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s […]...
- How many does it take? Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another. After this and the accompanying small-talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a “good time.” […]...
- Jokes of science 03 Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side. Why did the chicken cross the road? Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads. A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender […]...
- A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him. He stops, bangs on the window and says,”So, what does this cost??!!”. And the hooker replies,”25 dollars!!”. And the Pollock said,”Hmm, that’s not a lot of money for insulated windows!!”....
- A woman walks into a pet store A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.” “No worries,” replies the clerk. […]...
- Перевод слова piece Piece – кусок, часть; штука Перевод слова Bony piece of fish – костлявый кусок рыбы a piece of bread – кусок хлеба to sell goods by the piece – продавать товары поштучно Would you like another Piece? Еще кусочек? Pass me another Piece of paper. Передай мне еще один лист бумаги. He choked on a […]...
- A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre’d that there will be at least a twenty minute wait. “Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?”, he says. The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The man replies, “Give me a Stoli with […]...