Hiring an accountant

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1. Hiring for a JobLast week, My administrative assistant gave notice that he was quitting in two weeks. It couldn’t have come at a worse time. It was a very busy time of the year, but there was nothing I could do. Right away, we put a Want ad in the Classifieds and received several applications for the job. ... Читать далее...
2. Unique job interviewsJob Interview Quotations Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees. A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle. Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time. Candidate ... Читать далее...
3. The bank manager was in the final stages of hiringThe bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand was down to two final applicants — one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, «Jim ... Читать далее...
4. Hiring a ContractorMy company decided that it was time to Remodel our offices and I was Put in charge of getting Bids from contractors. The trouble was, I had heard Horror stories From friends who did remodeling and I was worried about finding a company that would get the job done On time and Under budget. No ... Читать далее...
5. Pick a starting salaryReaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, «And what starting salary were you looking for?» The candidate said, «In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.» The HR Person said, «Well, what would you say to a package of ... Читать далее...
6. Reaching the end of a job interviewReaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, «And what starting salary were you looking for?» The engineer said, «In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.» The interviewer said, «Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks ... Читать далее...
7. Anybody Home?A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, «Hello?» Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, «Is ... Читать далее...
8. As a sergeant in a parachute regimentAs a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night time excersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. «Scared, Lieutenant?», I asked. He replied, «No, just a bit apperhensive.» I asked, «What’s ... Читать далее...
9. Hiring Temp WorkersBethany: I just talked to Steve about hiring Replacements for Cyril, who quit last month and for Megan, who is leaving at the end of this week. Do you know what he told me? He doesn’t want to hire Permanent replacements. He wants To make do with Temps! Enrique: I can see it from Steve’s ... Читать далее...
10. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
11. A man went to the doctor for a check upA man went to the doctor for a check up. «How do you feel?» asked the doctor. «Fine.» he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, «How many times do you have sex per month?» «About two or three.» the man replied. «You should be doing better than that.» the doctor ... Читать далее...
12. Hiring Business ConsultantsErica: So your suggestion is to hire outside Consultants to handle the extra work associated with the Expansion. Stefan: I think there are a lot of benefits: we get someone with the right Expertise quickly, we can use him or her As needed, and we can save on employment taxes and Benefits. What’s not to ... Читать далее...
13. All Jews and six MexicansThis freelance journalist discovered Adolf Hitler was alive and well and living in South America. He managed to wrangle a ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ interview with Hitler on the condition that he was not to reveal where Hitler was living. He went to this interview, and lo and behold, yes, it was Adolf Hitler, looking very old. He ... Читать далее...
14. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wifeA 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the ... Читать далее...
15. Holiday PromotionsMy boss asked me To come up with some Holiday promotion ideas so that we can make Inroads into the Gift-buying market. For us to stay competitive, our company has to increase Retail sales For this important Sales cycle. My boss is expecting some Innovative ideas from me. Since we’re an online business and not ... Читать далее...
16. American schools — Американские школыThe American system of school education differs from the system in some countries. There are state-supported public schools, private elementary schools, and private secondary schools. Public schools are free and private schools are fee-paying. Each individual state has its own system of public schools. Elementary education begins at the age of six with the first ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова interviewInterview — интервью, собеседование Перевод слова To conduct an interview — проводить интервью to give an interview — давать интервью to obtain an interview — взять интервью taped interview — беседа, записанная на пленку telephone interview — собеседование по телефону We Interviewed the job candidates. Мы провели собеседование с соискателями. The Interview was conducted in ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова accountingAccounting — бухгалтерское дело, отчетность Перевод слова Accounting period — отчетный период; финансовый год accounting check — бухгалтерский контроль customer accounting — учет клиентов They send me an Accounting every month. Они присылают мне отчеты каждый месяц. Accounting clicks with his personality. Для человека с его характером профессия бухгалтера как раз то, что надо. The ... Читать далее...
19. School Education in the USAThe federal government pays little attention to school education in the USA. There is neither a uniform school system in the USA, nor a uniform curriculum. Each state has its own system of schools. But there are some common features in the organization of school education in the country. Schools in the USA can be ... Читать далее...
20. The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminarThe Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar. His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely terrible. «Well…» said the Engineer, «I met this blonde and turned out she was an engineer-in-training and wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to another and we ... Читать далее...
21. Bosses versus workersWhen I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don’t do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy. When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that ... Читать далее...
22. Education in RussiaCitizens of Russia have the right for education which is guaranteed by the Constitution. The public educational system in our country incorporates pre-school, general school, specialized secondary and higher education. Pre-school consists of kindergartens and creches. Children there learn reading, writing and arithmetic. But pre-school education isn’t compulsory — children can get it at home. ... Читать далее...
23. The boss called one of his employees into the officeThe boss called one of his employees into the office. «Rob,» he said, «you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four ... Читать далее...
24. The last day working«You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……» You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, «What’s this?», you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, «I waited on the last fat ugly old ... Читать далее...
25. Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want adFresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. «I need someone with an accounting degree,» the man said. «But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying ... Читать далее...
26. The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be bossThe external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss. The brain said, «I should be boss, since I control what the person thinks.» The hands said, «I should be boss because I do almost everything for the person.» The legs declared, «I shuld be boss since I carry the body and ... Читать далее...
27. Schooling in the United StatesAmericans have shown a great concern for education since early colonial times. Today, there are some 43 million pupils and students in public schools at the elementary and secondary levels, and another 6 million in private schools throughout the country. The USA does not have a national system of education. The function of the Federal ... Читать далее...
28. Identifying wasted timeTO: ALL PERSONNEL FROM: ACCOUNTING It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of «Miscellaneous Unproductive Time» (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job ... Читать далее...
29. The company president called the chief security guardThe company president called the chief security guard into his office. «Chuck, we’ve received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don’t belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop.» Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, «I’m sorry, Sir. I ... Читать далее...
30. Time Off from WorkMy buddy from college, Jack, was getting married and our friend Rob was planning a Bachelor party for him in Vegas. It was going to be the Last weekend of the month and I wanted to go. The trouble was, I was scheduled to work that weekend. I needed to get the Time off from ... Читать далее...
31. Understanding Corporate StructureAndrea: This Organizational chart is really confusing. Raffael: Why are you looking at that? Andrea: I have an interview next week and I’m trying To bone up on the company I’ll be interviewing with. I want to impress them, but this chart is really confusing. Raffael: Let me see. It’s a simple Flow chart. You ... Читать далее...
32. Accountant in HeavenAn accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, «I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a ... Читать далее...
33. Accountant and farmerA man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, «I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock». The shepherd thinks it over. It’s a big ... Читать далее...
34. Перевод слова freshFresh — свежий, новый; прохлада Перевод слова Fresh tea — свежезаваренный чай fresh herring — свежая сельдь to begin a fresh chapter — начать новую главу the fresh of the morning — утренняя прохлада I went outdoors for some Fresh air. Я вышел на улицу подышать свежим воздухом. Fresh news with juicy bits! Свежие новости ... Читать далее...
35. Doing ImpressionsEdison: [in a High-pitched woman’s voice] “I’m paying you less and working you harder. What are you Complaining about?” Kay: Ha, ha. You sound just like Justine! You really have a gift for doing Impressions, but maybe we should shut the door. Edison: Oh I’m not worried about Justine hearing me. She’s my boss, but ... Читать далее...
36. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he wentPaddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова bossBoss — босс, шеф Перевод слова Absolute boss — непререкаемый лидер party boss — партийный босс to kowtow to the boss — подлизываться к начальнику My old Boss was awful! Мой прежний босс был ужасен! He is his own Boss now. Теперь он сам себе начальник. Clear this with the Boss. Согласуй это с шефом. ... Читать далее...
38. A young bloke has started work on a propertyA young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he’s half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he’s all right. «I’ve got a problem, Boss. I’m stuck ‘ere. I’ve hit a ... Читать далее...
39. A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlementA nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, «I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife?» The accountant replies, «Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess ... Читать далее...
40. An accountant is having a hard time sleepingAn accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. «Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.» «Have you tried counting sheep?» «That’s the problem — I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.»...