Getting in an accident

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1. Clean St. Patrick’s Day JokesAn Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, «Oy vey! What a wreck!» The priest asks him, «Are you all right, Rabbi?» The Rabbi responds, «Just a little shaken.» The priest pulls a ... Читать далее...
2. There is a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the MeadowlandsThere’s a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who’s driving from McGwire in South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. In the middle of the night with no other cars on ... Читать далее...
3. Investigating a Terrible AccidentThere was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, ... Читать далее...
4. Sex on SabbathA man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, «My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex ... Читать далее...
5. An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharingAn Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying «I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork…Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, «I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd ... Читать далее...
6. A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sinA man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, » My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that ... Читать далее...
7. A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a trainA Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, «So how high can you advance in your organization?» The Priest says «If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.» «Well, could you get any higher than that?» asks the Rabbi. «I suppose that ... Читать далее...
8. Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, whenRabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when a truck careens around = the corner, out of control, and broadsides the Rabbi. Father Flannery watches this event unfold, and as he runs toward the = Rabbi, he notices that Rabbi Stern first touches his forehead, then his = stomach, then each shoulder. As Father ... Читать далее...
9. A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogueA priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out ... Читать далее...
10. Clean Ireland HumorAn English man and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both ... Читать далее...
11. Majority rulesSo it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual «3 to 1, majority rules» statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority. «Oh, God!» he cried. ... Читать далее...
12. A stupid dogWhile leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: «What are doing here with a dog?» Bernie: «The dog came here to pray.» «Oh, come ... Читать далее...
13. Tommy goes into a confessional box and saysTommy goes into a confessional box and says, «Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.» The Priest says, «Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says «Yes father, it’s me.» The Priest says «Who was the woman you were with?» Tommy says «I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова accidentAccident — несчастный случай, случайность Перевод слова Fatal accident — несчастный случай со смертельным исходом industrial accident — несчастный случай на производстве by a lucky accident — по счастливой случайности We discovered it by Accident. Мы обнаружили это случайно. It was a sheer Accident. Это была чистая случайность. He was blinded in an Accident. Он ... Читать далее...
15. A Lutheran minister is driving downA Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, «Sir, have you been drinking?» And the minister says, «Just water.» The ... Читать далее...
16. Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of theTwo priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god ... Читать далее...
17. A man is driving down the road for a long period of timeA man is driving down the road for a long period of time. During his travel, he sees a priest with a gas can hitch hiking, so he gladly picks him up he says,»Normally father, i dont pick up hitch hikers. You seem like a man of dignity so i thought id make an exception. ... Читать далее...
18. Reasons for the Mir AccidentAfter intensive investigation on both the Soviet and US parts, spokespersons from both space agencies have determined the cause for the accident which has placed the station and its resident personnel in jeopardy. In terse statements at a recent press conference, Soviet and US space agency spokespersons said Thursday We have concluded joint investigations concerning ... Читать далее...
19. A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a RabbiA Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were fishing from a boat not from the lake shore. The pastor had to make a trip to the port-a-potty located on the shore, so he got out of the boat, walked across the water and in the same matter, came back to the boat after ... Читать далее...
20. An old rabbi is talking with one of his friendsAn old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, «I gladdened seven hearts today.» «Seven hearts?» asks the friend. «How did you do that?» The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, «I performed three marriages.» The friend looks at him quizically. «Seven?» he asks. «I could understand six, ... Читать далее...
21. Stay over one nightA hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the ... Читать далее...
22. Man goes to see the RabbiMan goes to see the Rabbi. «Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.» The Rabbi asked, «What’s wrong?» The man replied, «My wife is poisoning me.» The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, «How can that be?» The man then pleads, «I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова wineWine — вино Перевод слова An elegant wine — отменное вино empty wine-bottle — пустая винная бутылка full of wine — полный вина wine glass — бокал для вина We got drunk on Wine. Мы опьянели от вина. The Wine was doped. В вино что-то подмешали. Wine is made from grape. Вино делают из винограда....
24. A theological debateSeveral centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод слова bottleBottle — бутылка Перевод слова To drink a whole bottle — выпить целую бутылку to bottle a beverage — разливать напиток по бутылкам to fill a bottle — наполнить бутылку Has the baby finished her Bottle yet? Малыш уже выпил свою бутылочку? Between us, we drank three Bottles of wine. Между нами, мы выпили три ... Читать далее...
26. Camel DiedCamel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun «I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and ... Читать далее...
27. Перевод слова tremendousTremendous — огромный, гигантский Перевод слова Tremendous house — огромный дом tremendous vistas — необъятные перспективы tremendous applause — бурные аплодисменты They drive at a Tremendous pace. Они мчатся с головокружительной скоростью. We’re missing out on a Tremendous opportunity. Мы упускаем великолепную возможность. She has Tremendous drive toward success. У нее есть мощный стимул добиться ... Читать далее...
28. Finding the Right WineAntonio: Why are we stopping here? Melanie: We can’t go to the dinner party Empty-handed. We need to bring a bottle of Wine. Antonio: I don’t know anything about wines. You’ll need to pick a bottle. Melanie: I don’t know much about wines, either. I just know we need a good Table wine. Do you ... Читать далее...
29. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accidentA lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. «Now, ... Читать далее...
30. Assigning Blame in a Car AccidentTarik: Are you okay? Stacey: Yeah, I think so. I’m just a little Shaken up, but look at my car! Tarik: Mine is in pretty bad shape, too. Good thing, though, it wasn’t Totaled. Stacey: Okay, let’s exchange Insurance information, so we can both get out of here. Tarik: Right. I’ll Put in a claim ... Читать далее...
31. The same thingA married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest, «I had an affair with a woman… almost.» The priest says, «what do you mean almost?» The man says, «Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.» The priest replies, «Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not ... Читать далее...
32. When ‘thirty-seven-fifty’ for your wine means $3750You’re at a restaurant and can’t be bothered with looking at the wine list, so why not ask the waiter for a suggestion, right? But for one New Jersey man, this move led to an expensive misunderstanding. According to NJ. com, customer Joe Lentini was at Bobby Flay Steak in Atlantic City, N. J. when ... Читать далее...
33. The accident reportDear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put «poor planning» as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. I am an ... Читать далее...
34. Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreckThree Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck. None survived. One minute they were driving along the highway, talking and laughing and joking, and the next, BOOM! they were before the Creator of all. Shaking his head, The Omnipotent One looks at the three. «Reform I can understand. But where will it end? You! ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы freak[freak] {n.}, {slang} 1. A good, or well-liked person, the oppositeof a square, someone with long hair and who is likely to bea marijuana smoker or a drug user. Also said of homosexuals. Is Joea square, establishment type? — Oh no, he’s a regular freak. 2. [—freak] An enthusiast, a person who does or cultivates ... Читать далее...
36. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Авария (Accident)»По-английски Перевод на русский Insurance inspector: Good afternoon, ma’am. Is that your car? Страховой агент: Добрый день, мэм. Это ваша машина? Samantha: Good afternoon. Yes, it is. Саманта: Добрый день. Да. Insurance inspector: Can I see your driver’s license, car data sheet and insurance? Страховой агент: Могу ли я взглянуть на ваше водительское удостоверение, техпаспорт ... Читать далее...
37. After a couple of years a couple wanted to have childrenAfter a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. «Don’t worry,» he said, «Just take this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow.» So he went home feeling ... Читать далее...
38. The RabbiThere is a story about a popular young rabbi, who on Sabbath eve announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave. Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands up ... Читать далее...
39. After a bad accidentPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well… The bad news first… Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had ... Читать далее...
40. A pious man who had reached the age of 105A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, «How come after all these years we don’t see you at ... Читать далее...