Freudian Slip

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1. There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer. Up walks a so called “lady of the night”. She says, “For $300.00, I’ll do anything you want.” Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says: Ok. Paint my house, bitch!...
2. Eating a Family Dinner My roommate, Jim, invited me over to his house for a family meal. I’m an only child, so I’m not used to a big family dinner. I felt like a Fish out of water. … Jim’s mother: Sit down, everybody. Dinner’s ready. Phil: Thank you for Having me over, Mrs. Moreno. Jim’s mother: Don’t mention […]...
3. Перевод слова salt Salt – соль, солить, соленый Перевод слова Corn of salt – крупинка соли a dash of salt – щепотка соли low-salt diet – диета с употреблением минимального количества соли Pass the Salt, please. Передайте соль, пожалуйста. The food was pure Salt. Это была не пища, а сплошная соль. He gargled with Salt water. Он полоскал […]...
4. Значение идиомы slip through one’s fingers [slip through one’s fingers] {v. phr.} To escape without someone’sknowing how. Policemen surrounded the building, but the thiefmanaged to slip through their fingers. Mike earns a good wage, buthe doesn’t save a penny. Money just slips through his fingers....
5. Перевод слова slip Slip – скольжение, скользить, плавно передвигаться Перевод слова To slip on the ice – поскользнуться на льду to slip a leash – сорваться с поводка to let the opportunity slip – упустить возможность time slips along – время бежит He Slipped his enemies. Он ускользнул от своих врагов. Just give me a minute to Slip […]...
6. Every damn time Speaking of divorce (I was), this woman petitions the court for a divorce on the grounds that her husband “beats her.” The Judge, wanting every detail asked how often it was he beat the woman. “Every damn time your Honor,” she sighed, “Every damn time!”...
7. A state-of-the-art watch A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No”, he replies,”I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just […]...
8. Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transport Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe when in walks a Nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat. Astonished, one of them says, “I went to my parents wedding last week and we all got rat-arsed.” Being quick on the uptake the second one says, ” […]...
9. A woman walks into a pet store A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.” “No worries,” replies the clerk. […]...
10. Значение идиомы slip of the pen [slip of the pen] {n. phr.} The mistake of writing somethingdifferent from what you should or what you planned. That was a slipof the pen. I meant to write September, not November. I wish youwould forget it. That was a slip of the pen....
11. One day an older fella was in for a checkup One day an older fella was in for a checkup. After his examination, his doctor was amazed. “Holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the greatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!” “Did I say I was 64?” “Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?” “Damn […]...
12. A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. “Nothing,” said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. “Seriously, what’s wrong?” “Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids […]...
13. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m […]...
14. Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing ——————————— It’s the only type of cooking a “real” man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat […]...
15. Значение идиомы salt pork [salt pork] {n.} Very fat pork that has been packed in salt ordipped in brine for curing. Mother cooked beans with salt pork forsupper....
16. A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot for his birthday. The only problem with this parrot is its attitude due to the influence of its former owner, who is now a deceased truck driver. The parrot loves to swear up and down at everything it sees. One day the man comes home with a gorgeous […]...
17. One day a little boy over heard his parents One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing, “You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!” The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out […]...
18. Conversation over dinner Conversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not – don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) […]...
19. Значение идиомы come to pass [come to pass] {v. phr.}, {literary} To happen; occur. Strange things come to pass in troubled times. It came to pass that the jailer visited him by night. His hopes of success did not come to pass. Compare: BRING TO PASS, COME ABOUT....
20. The real treasure An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can’t resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says, “See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a […]...
21. Appropriate punishment Through the kitchen window a farmer’s wife sees her son coming home from school. The boy’s in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his mother says, “I saw what you did, young man! For kicking the pig […]...
22. A young girl is with her dad at the barbers A young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on the floor. “Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?” asked the barber. “Don’t be so stupid, I’m only three!!” said the girl!...
23. An Unusual Ailment A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can’t believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the […]...
24. Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements […]...
25. Drilling is mine! Storming into his lawyer’s office, a Texas oil magnate demanded that divorce proceedings begin at once against his young bride. “What’s the problem?” “I want to hit that adulterin’ bitch for breach of contract,” snapped the oil man. “I don’t know if that will fly,” said the lawyer. “I mean your wife isn’t a piece […]...
26. Motivations Two men are talking. The first sez, “I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes.” “Amazing,” said the second, “I just got divorced for the very same reasons.”...
27. A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of the world’s tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cable snaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground. The emergency brakes don’t work, the emergency phone doesn’t work, and they both begin to panic. The woman screams “We’re going to […]...
28. A guy walks into an elevator and stands next A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, “Can I smell your pussy?” The woman looks at him in disgust and says, “Certainly not!” “Hmmm,” he replies. “It must be your feet, then.”...
29. A woman selling apples in New York A woman selling apples in New York is puzzled by a man who always comes by, pays a quarter, but never picks up an apple. This goes on for some time until, one day, the woman runs after the man as he walks away. ‘I know why you are chasing after me… you want to […]...
30. Policemen in Heaven St Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. “Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?” “I was a policeman,” he responded. “What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked. “I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.” “Wonderful my son, […]...
31. Mrs. Grednik, who was a little on the chubby side Mrs. Grednik, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her weight-watchers meeting.”My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure.” she lamented to the woman next to her. “Well,” the lady replied, “what’s wrong with that?” “He likes to do it while […]...
32. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, “So how has life been treating you?” The old man replies,”The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when […]...
33. An ant and an elephant share a night of romance An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. “Damn”, says the ant, “one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!”...
34. A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.” When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by […]...
35. The story of a very short man A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots.” Bartender says, “You want them both now or one at a time?” The guy says,” Oh, I want them both now. One’s for me and one’s for this little guy here,” and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his […]...
36. A woman comes home A woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. “That’s terrible!!!” said her husband, “What would you like to do during your last hours? I’ll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.” “Well,” she said, “First, I want to […]...
37. Hair on my chest A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. “HA!” he snorted. “The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!” On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, “There! I […]...
38. This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. “Oh, no! I […]...
39. Значение идиомы bring to pass [bring to pass] {v. phr.}, {informal} To make happen; succeed in causing. By much planning, the mother brought the marriage to pass. The change in the law was slow in coming, and it took a disaster to bring it to pass. Compare: BRING ABOUT, COME TO PASS....
40. A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, “I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.” […]...