Flavoured condoms

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1. Olympic condomsA man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tells his wife about the purchase he’s just made. «Olympic condoms?» she blurts, «What makes them so special?» «There are three colors,» he explains, «gold, silver and bronze.» «So what color ... Читать далее...
2. The first time I went to a drug store to buy condomsThe first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn’t sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, «Compared to what?» She held up one finger and asked if I ... Читать далее...
3. The Young Mans Big MouthThe Young Man’s Big Mouth A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. «Well,» he said, «I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms ... Читать далее...
4. A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-weekA guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says «OK,» and goes to the pharmacy to buy ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова insertInsert — вставка, вкладыш Перевод слова To insert a diaphragm — вставить диафрагму to insert film — вставлять пленку to insert a key — вставлять ключ You need to Insert a comma between these two words. Вам необходимо поставить запятую между этими двумя словами. Insert the sentence between the brackets. Поставьте предложение в скобки. An ... Читать далее...
6. Lick thatTommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting about how tough their fathers were. «My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!» said young Harry. «Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men… so lick that!» Tommy said. «That’s nothing!» declared little Johnny. «My dad hasn’t wiped his ass ... Читать далее...
7. Значение идиомы lick one’s boots[lick one’s boots] {v. phr.} To flatter or act like a slave; doanything to please another. She wanted her boyfriend to lick herboots all the time. A wise king would not want his friends andofficials to lick his boots....
8. Перевод слова cheeseCheese — сыр Перевод слова A cheese — головка сыра, круг сыра semi-soft cheese — полутвердый сыр cheese sandwich — бутерброд с сыром This Cheese smells funky. Этот сыр пованивает. She Sliced the cheese thin. Она тонко порезала сыр. Sprinkle the top with Cheese. Посыпьте сверху сыром....
9. Значение идиомы lick and a promise[lick and a promise] {n. phr.}, {informal} A careless, hasty job;an unsatisfactory piece of work. You didn’t wash your hands. Youjust gave them a lick and a promise. The boys didn’t cut the grassproperly. All it got was a lick and a promise....
10. A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an AustralianA Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, «You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don’t even have a freezer! The Scotsman ... Читать далее...
11. Gimme some aspirin!Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms. «I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms.» «Yeah, I went to a dozen drug ... Читать далее...
12. Girlfriend Tech Support E-mailI am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I’ve been having some problems lately. I’ve been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I’ve tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won’t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode ... Читать далее...
13. Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limoTwo newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, «Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go.» «Good idea,» she says. «While you’re in there, pick me up some Dramamine.» The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore ... Читать далее...
14. Made in CanadaPresident Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!» the American President cried, «My people’s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!» «Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you,» replied the Prime Minister. «I do need your help,» ... Читать далее...
15. Why Jim Smith Lost His First LoveJim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got ... Читать далее...
16. Condom Modelling RejectionTROJAN CONDOM COMPANY 6969 Slippery Root Drive Droptrouser, NC 22269 Dear John Doe, We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS. Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not ... Читать далее...
17. Two men were talking to each other about how pussy tastesTwo men were talking to each other about how pussy taste. The first guy said»I think it taste like cherry pie».The other guy said «I think it taste like shit».Then the first guy said «you are supposed to turn her over». $ $Sent by Don Chamberlin...
18. A Mexican, a black, and a white guyA Mexican, a black, and a white guy are in a bar having a drink when a good-looking girl comes up to them and says «whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me». So the white guy says «I love liver and cheese.» she says «that’s not good enough.» The black ... Читать далее...
19. StrategyThe middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enuff of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married. As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug store, a co-worker said, «In the past 3 weeks you’ve ... Читать далее...
20. SensormaticIs everyone out in net land familiar with Sensormatic? They are the company that make the large plastic clips that set off alarms when you exit a department store. I used to work for a department store and the is what we did. Open up the clip and remove the shiny piece of paper. It ... Читать далее...
21. Disliking a Sibling’s Boyfriend or GirlfriendGeorgia: So I thought Carla was nice. Andy: You did? I didn’t Get that impression at all. I don’t know What Brian sees in her. Georgia: Really? I thought she was really trying To make a good impression. Andy: Yeah, she was trying Too hard. She laughed too loudly at my jokes and Complimented you ... Читать далее...
22. Значение идиомы cherry farm[cherry farm] {n.}, {slang} A correctional institution of minimal security where the inmates, mostly first offenders, work as farmhands. Joe got a light sentence and was sent to a cherry farm for six months....
23. An effective contraceptiveAfter having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы is that so[is that so] {informal} 1. Oh, indeed? That’s interesting. — Usedin simple acceptance or reply. «The Republicans have pulled a trickat city hall.» «Is that so?» 2. Surely not? — Used in disbelief orsarcasm. «The moon is made of green cheese.» «Is that so?» «I’mgoing to take your girlfriend to the dance,» said Bob. «Oh, ... Читать далее...
25. ATM proceduresChase is very pleased to announce that we are installing new Drive-thru ATMs where customers will be able withdraw cash without leaving their vehicle. (Other accounts can also utilise this facility) Male and Female procedures have been tailored to best reflect the behaviors of those particular groupings. PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to ... Читать далее...
26. My girlfriend is out in the carA man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man’s friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender ... Читать далее...
27. A man had been drinking at the bar for hoursA man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the ... Читать далее...
28. A young married womanA young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend. The girlfriend asked, «Do you talk to your husband when you’re making love?» She thought about it a minute then said, «Well, no. But I could. I mean he has a cell phone and all now.»...
29. Значение идиомы buy off[buy off] {v.} To turn from duty or purpose by a gift. When the police threatened to stop the gambling business, the owner bought them off. The Indians were going to burn the cabins, but the men bought them off with gifts. Compare: PAY OFF....
30. There was this boy in high school that was what you would callThere was this boy in high school that was what you would consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement of his home and one night he came up and said «Dad look what I made.» So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of soil and instantly grass ... Читать далее...
31. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girlThe wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. ... Читать далее...
32. A farmer and his girlfriendA farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses. «Boy,» said the farmer, «that sure makes me want to do the same.» «Well, go ahead,» said his girlfriend. «It’s your cow.»...
33. Значение идиомы the likes of[the likes of] {informal} Something like or similar to; somethingof the same kind as. I have never seen the likes of John. Itwas a chocolate sundae the likes of which Mary would never see again....
34. Fulfilling a promiseA woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter. Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, «You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?» She ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы big cheese[big cheese] or [big gun] or [big shot] or [big wheel] or [big wig]{n.}, {slang} An important person; a leader; a high official; a person of high rank. Bill had been a big shot in high school. John wanted to be the big cheese in his club. Compare: WHOLE CHEESE....
36. A talking FrogA man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, «If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.» He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, «If you kiss me and turn me back ... Читать далее...
37. Elephants IIIHow do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge? The door won’t close. How ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод идиомы the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning), значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning) Перевод: рассвет или время перед рассветом; часы после полуночи Пример: My father likes to read the newspaper in the small hours of the night. Моему отцу нравится читать газеты по ночам....
39. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a barAn Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, «I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a ... Читать далее...
40. Latex factoryA guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud «hiss-pop» noise. «The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,» explains the guide. «The popping sound is the needle poking ... Читать далее...