Eye sex

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1. A young girl had not been feeling wellA young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. «Young lady,» the doctor began, «you’re pregnant.» «But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.» «Well my dear,» said the doctor, «someone in that colony is ... Читать далее...
2. To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nailsTo stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it’ll make her fat. «I won’t do it any more, Mom,» says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. «If I bite my fingernails, I’ll be as fat as that, won’t I Mom?» ... Читать далее...
3. An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old ladyAn attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. «We have come for an examination,» said the young girl. «Alright,» said the doctor. «Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.» «No, not me,» said the girl. «it’s my old aunt here.» «Very well,» said the doctor. «Madam, stick ... Читать далее...
4. A young lady had just visited her doctorA young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The ... Читать далее...
5. One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girlOne day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said «you don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too ... Читать далее...
6. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girlThe wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. ... Читать далее...
7. A young lady walks into a doctors officeA young lady walks into a doctors office. «Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge» The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says «how does that feel?» Young lady, «Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!»...
8. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infantThe young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. «Doctor,» she explained, «the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.» The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on ... Читать далее...
9. Proffessional AcquantanceA well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening nite of a musical during intermission. A blonde shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray painted on her curvy body. She smiled and gushed, «Well, hello there Doc.» ... Читать далее...
10. Take in a boarderAn elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions. «Yes,» says the Doctor, «I would advise you to take in a boarder.» A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine his wife is ... Читать далее...
11. The young couple was engaged in a most affectionateThe young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm. «Heavens,» she cried, «it’s my husband! Quick, jump out the window.» The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the ... Читать далее...
12. Eat oystersA lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach. «What did you eat for dinner last night?» asked the doctor. «Oysters,» she said. «Fresh oysters?» asked the doctor. «How should I know?» said the lady «Well,» asked the doctor, «couldn’t you tell when you took off the shells?» «My Gosh,» gasped the ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова colonyColony — колония Перевод слова Artist colony — группа художников colony of termites — колония термитов Crown Colony — британская колония Australia was once a penal Colony. Австралия когда-то была тюремной колонией. Religious dissension threatened to split the Colony. Религиозные распри грозили расколоть колонию. Separate townships have coalesced into a single, sprawling Colony. Разрозненные населенные ... Читать далее...
14. A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he hasA man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, «I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?» Feeling his wife’s gaze upon him, the man explains, «Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types ... Читать далее...
15. A little old lady gets onto a crowded busA little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, «If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.» The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. ... Читать далее...
16. Sweet, Sweet Road RageAn elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, «I was going to park there!» The ... Читать далее...
17. An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthdayAn eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, ... Читать далее...
18. An unfortunate situationA lovely young Jewish girl was employed by a clothing firm in New York. She and her widowed mother shared the same ambition: marriage to a wealthy man. One day she returned from work, eyes red from crying. As soon as she entered the apartment she called, «MAMA, I’m pregnant! Don’t get excited. The father ... Читать далее...
19. At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marryAt the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20. Grandpa’s doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed replied «Oh well, if she dies, I’ll just get myself another one.»...
20. Where lawers come fromAn anxious woman goes to her doctor. «Doctor,» she asks nervously, «can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?» «Certainly,» replies the doctor, «Where do you think lawyers come from?»...
21. Перевод слова practisePractise — практиковать, тренироваться Перевод слова To practise new dance steps — репетировать новые па to practise law — практиковать в качестве адвоката to practise scales — разучивать гаммы, упражняться в гаммах You can Practise with your gun by plugging at the tree. Тренироваться в стрельбе можно, паля в дерево. He always Practises politeness. Он ... Читать далее...
22. Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physicalHillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she’s pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: «How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on ... Читать далее...
23. A few questions and answersQ. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A. Slow down and use a lubricant. Q. What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? A. Money. Q. What’s the difference between your wife and your job? A. After five years your job will still suck. Q. How can you spot ... Читать далее...
24. The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement parkThe young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. «What would you like to do next?» he asked. «I wanna be weighed,» she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guessed. «One-twelve,» said ... Читать далее...
25. The young playboy took a blind date to anThe young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. «What would you like to do next?» he asked. «I wanna be weighed,» she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. «One-twelve,» said ... Читать далее...
26. A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a babyA young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she’s still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat ... Читать далее...
27. A rather senile old lady went to her doctorA rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went as follows: D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear. L: ?eh? D: Madam — You have a SUPPOSITORY in your ... Читать далее...
28. A young girl is with her dad at the barbersA young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on the floor. «Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?» asked the barber. «Don’t be so stupid, I’m only three!!» said the girl!...
29. One day a lady went to the doctors officeOne day a lady went to the doctor’s office and told the doctor that her husband wasn’t interested in her any more he just wouldn’t have sex with her anymore. So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of 100 pills. He told her that «if you give your ... Читать далее...
30. A work of artA tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. «What on earth,» she inquired of the artist standing nearby, «is that?» He smiled condescendingly. «That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.» ... Читать далее...
31. The Young Mans Big MouthThe Young Man’s Big Mouth A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. «Well,» he said, «I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms ... Читать далее...
32. Some problemsA woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says: «I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems.» «What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I’ll love it. It’s my child and I’ll love it ... Читать далее...
33. Перевод слова pregnantPregnant — беременная; полный смысла, важный Перевод слова Pregnant woman — беременная женщина mature pregnant cow — взрослая стельная корова pregnant years — годы, насыщенные важными событиями words pregnant with meaning — слова, полные глубокого смысла She was heavily Pregnant. Она была на последних месяцах беременности. She’s Pregnant with their first child. Она беременна их ... Читать далее...
34. It was the age when knighthood was in flowerIt was the age when knighthood was in flower. A young lady was pounding away at a piece of iron with a sledgehammer. Another young lady saw her and asked, «What are you doing?» The first one answered, «I’m making socks and sweater for some soldier boy!»...
35. Count till fiftyThe teacher walked into the classroom to find words like «cunt» and «cock» scrawled all over the blackboard. «Children,» she said, addressing the classroom, «you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now we’re all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I ... Читать далее...
36. A cure for atheismA young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn’t believe in Heaven or Hell. «Marry him anyway, dear.» the Mother said. «Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how *wrong* he is.»...
37. Doctor’s complimentA lady came to see a doctor because of sharp pain in her stomack. After examining his patient doctor gave out the diagnosis: — Madam, you have acute appendicitis. — Thank you, Doctor, but I came to be treated not admired....
38. Перевод слова ladyLady — леди, женщина Перевод слова Great lady — знатная дама you’ve dropped your gloves, lady! — женщина, вы обронили перчатки! foxy lady — соблазнительная женщина your good lady — ваша супруга Shall we rejoin the Ladies? Не вернуться ли нам к дамам? She’s swell, a real Lady. Она одевается стильно, как настоящая леди. Don’t ... Читать далее...
39. Naming the kidsOne day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard’s idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing ... Читать далее...
40. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really badA man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says «I have some bad news. You have HAGS.» «What is HAGS» the man asks. «It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis» says the doctor. «Oh my God» says the man. «What are you ... Читать далее...