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Elephants IX

Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:

The French book — The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant The English book — Elephants I have shot on Safari The Welsh book — The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden. The American book — How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants The Japanese book — How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants The Greek book — How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money The Finnish book — What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People The German book — A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6. The Icelandic book — Defrosting an Elephant The Swiss book — Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants The Canadian book — Elephants: A Federal or State Issue? The Swedish book — How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.



Что я делаю в свободное время на английском.
Famous people of great britain.

Related topics:

  1. The best book on elephantsThe UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants. The British submited a dry historical account «The Elephant and the British Empire.» The French submited a text «The Sensuality of the Elephant — a Personal Account.» The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled «An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of ... Читать далее...
  2. How to Hunt Elephants — Sales StyleSalespeople don’t hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven’t caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray and sell them as «desktop elephants.» Sent by Alex...
  3. How to Hunt Elephants — Math styleMathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students. Sent by Alex...
  4. Elephants IIIHow do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge? The door won’t close. How ... Читать далее...
  5. How to Hunt Elephants — VP StyleWhen the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, his staff will try to ensure that all elephants are completely prehunted before he sees them. If the VP sees a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment the vice president’s keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence. Sent by Alex...
  6. How to Hunt Elephants — Comp Sci StyleComputer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A: 1. Go to Africa 2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope 3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately East and West. 4. During each traverse a. Catch each animal seen b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant c. Stop when a ... Читать далее...
  7. Elephants recognize the voices of their enemiesAfrican elephants can distinguish human languages, genders and ages associated with danger. Humans are among the very few animals that constitute a threat to elephants. Yet not all people are a danger — and elephants seem to know it. The giants have shown a remarkable ability to use sight and scent to distinguish between African ... Читать далее...
  8. Refrigerate elephantsAnalysis: 1. Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig. 2. Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant). 3. Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem. Number theory: 1. First factorize, second multiply. 2. Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in. Algebra: 1. Step 1. Show that the ... Читать далее...
  9. Elephants found to understand human pointing without trainingA study by researchers from the University St Andrews has found that elephants are the only wild animals that can understand human pointing without being trained. In the study, published in Current Biology, the researchers show that a group of 11 captive Zimbabwean elephants, which were used to following vocal instructions but weren’t trained to ... Читать далее...
  10. Wales (2)Wales is a country of lakes and mountains. Its about the half the size of Switzerland, and it has a population of two and three quarter million. On the north of Wales is located one of the most beautiful sceneries on the British islands, the Snowdon mountain. Snowdon is Britain’s second highest mountain. Wales is ... Читать далее...
  11. How to hunt elephants — Lawyers styleHow to hunt elephants — Lawyer’s style Lawyers don’t hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping. Sent by Alex...
  12. How to Catch a White ElephantHow to Catch a White Elephant ============================= Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the ... Читать далее...
  13. This man goes into the doctor with hisThis man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state, really bad now. Doctor: «What happened to you?» He says: «I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!» Doctor: «But I don’t understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and couldn’t cause that much damage!» He says «Aah ... Читать далее...
  14. Nice, but roughAn elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it. It was far out of reach. A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak. «Oh, thank you!» said the elephant. «My, pleasure ma’am.» said the ... Читать далее...
  15. Foreign languagesВ топике Иностранные языки рассказывается, что в наше время каждый человек должен знать хотя бы один иностранный язык и чаще всего выбирают английский язык. Для улучшения навыков в изучении иностранного языка необходимо использовать каждую возможность: читать книги и газеты, смотреть фильмы с субтитрами, слушать английские песни, дополнительно заниматься с носителем языка и, по возможности, посетить ... Читать далее...
  16. Tarzania IIWhat is the difference between en elephant and a plum? An elephant is grey. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance? «Look! A herd of plums in the distance» (Jane is colorblind)...
  17. Customs and Traditions in Great Britain — Обычаи и традиции в ВеликобританииThe English are reputed to be cold and reserved. In reality they are steady, easy-going and fond of sport. But these statements can’t be universal. Great Britain consists of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. Inhabitants of all these parts have a lot of differences. For example, the Scots are not English. The Scots are ... Читать далее...
  18. English languageHave you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language? Let’s face it English is a stupid language. There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England French fries were not invented in France. We ... Читать далее...
  19. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one dayFather, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, «Mummy, what is that long thing?» His mother replies, «That, son, ... Читать далее...
  20. Cultures and national stereotypes — Культуры и национальные стереотипыA nation is a group of people who share common history and usually a language and usually, but not always, live in the same area. Culture can be described as our everyday life: how we communicate, what makes us happy and sad. It also includes our language, religion, traditions, behavior, way of life – in ... Читать далее...
  21. Перевод слова elephantElephant — слон Перевод слова Work elephant — рабочий слон he can’t hit an elephant — он и в слона-то не попадет an elephant in a china shop — неуклюжий и бестактный человек The passerby was trampled by an Elephant. Прохожего затоптал слон. They nearly equalled the Elephant in size. По размеру они почти сравнялись ... Читать далее...
  22. English and me — Английский и яEnglish belongs to the Teutonic or Germanic branch of the Indo-European family of the languages. It is only in the course of the last hundred years that English has become a world language. In Shakespeare’s time it was a provincial language of secondary importance with only 6 million native speakers. Nowadays English has become the ... Читать далее...
  23. An ant and an elephant share a night of romanceAn ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. «Damn», says the ant, «one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!»...
  24. Doubting One’s Language UseFlora: Can you help me? I’m working on this email to Emil and I’m having trouble Coming up with the right words in French. Andy: My French isn’t much better than yours, but I’ll Give it a shot. Flora: Okay, read this sentence for me. What I want to know is if that is a ... Читать далее...
  25. English nowadaysТопик Английский язык сегодня — в интересной форме рассказывает о самом распространенном на сегодняшний день языке. Такие языки, как английский, называют «мировыми языками». Мировой язык – это язык, использующийся в сфере официальных международных отношений. Это языки, имеющие юридически закрепленный статус официальных и рабочих языков международных организаций и конференций (ООН, ЮНЕСКО и т. п.): английский, арабский, ... Читать далее...
  26. Standard English and Its DialectsStandard variety is the variety of a language which has the highest status in a community or nation and which is usually based on the speech and writing of educated native speakers of the language. A standard variety is generally used in the news, media and in literature; described in dictionaries and grammars; taught in ... Читать далее...
  27. The History of English — История английского языкаWhen the Angles and Saxons invaded Britain in the 5th century AD, they brought with them their language: ‘English’ or, as we call it now, Old English. Examples of Old English words are: sheep, dog, work, field, earth, the, is, you. Two hundred years later, when St. Augustine brought Christianity to Britain in the 7th ... Читать далее...
  28. A fair warningTourist guide at zoo: «Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the largest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don’t stand near the elephant’s backside…. Madam, PLEASE don’t stand near the elephant’s backside… MADAM… ... Читать далее...
  29. My Favourite SubjectSpeaking about my favourite subject I must admit that I was privileged to study at a school where the English language was taught since the first form. It wasn’t a specialized English school, it was the school of fine-arts. Since the first days at school English has become my favourite subject. At the age of ... Читать далее...
  30. Wounded elephant seeks help from safari lodge after being shot by poachersAn alarming sight to be sure — Ben, an injured bull elephant, approached the lodge to ask for help. IF YOU need further proof that elephants are highly-intelligent animals, this is it. Ben, an injured bull elephant — thought to be 30-years-old — gave staffers at the Bumi Hills Safari Lodge in Kariba, Zimbabwe the ... Читать далее...
  31. There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtleThere once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when ... Читать далее...
  32. Learning foreign languageТопик Изучение иностранного языка объясняет, что в наше время каждый образованный человек должен знать иностранный язык. И самый популярный язык во всем мире — английский. Это язык прогрессивной науки и техники, торговых и культурных связей, торговли и предпринимательства, язык международной авиации, судоходства и спорта и основной язык дипломатии. На втором месте в мире – китайский ... Читать далее...
  33. How do I Learn EnglishВ топике Как я учу английский язык – я рассказываю, как именно проходит процесс изучения. К этому я отношусь ответственно, зная, насколько английский язык будет важен для меня в будущем. Я переписываюсь на английском языке с девушкой, которая живет в Швеции. Я читаю много книг на английском. Каждый день я учу несколько новых слов, а ... Читать далее...
  34. Перевод слова cookCook — готовить, стряпать; повар Перевод слова To keep a cook — иметь повара to cook meat — готовить мясо to cook accounts — подделать счета My husband doesn’t Cook. Мой муж не готовит. I promised I’d Cook for them. Я обещал, что буду готовить для них. I’m a hopeless Cook. Я безнадежный кулинар....
  35. The way you are taught EnglishNowadays a lot of people all over the world learn English as the world language. There are many ways of learning a foreign language but most people begin learning it at school. So, what should we do to master a language. We must learn grammar in any language. Because we can’t build a house without ... Читать далее...
  36. Почему английский язык так популярен/ Why Is English So PopularНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Why Is English So Popular Почему английский язык так популярен It’s not a secret that English is the world’s most popular language. There are more than 300 million native speakers of English. It’s the native language in such countries as Great Britain, the USA, Canada, Australia and New ... Читать далее...
  37. Перевод слова writeWrite — писать, написать Перевод слова To write a book — написать книгу to write off a debt — списать, аннулировать долг to write out a cheque — выписать чек, заполнить чек The pen won’t Write. Ручка не пишет. The article is very well Written. Статья очень хорошо написана. Write it down on a piece ... Читать далее...
  38. This is not meant to be crudeThis is not meant to be crude. It is strictly for your edification and enjoyment. Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow ... Читать далее...
  39. Cultures and national stereotypesТопик Культура и национальные стереотипы описывает такие понятия, как нация, национальная культура и этнические или национальные стереотипы. Например, понятие «нация» описывается как исторически сложившаяся устойчивая общность людей, возникшая на базе общности языка, религии, территории проживания, традиций и образа жизни, проявляющегося в общности культуры. Безусловно, национальный характер существует и, в зависимости от принадлежности человека к той ... Читать далее...
  40. Studying English grammarFirst of all, grammar is a main component of any language in the world. Without grammar, you can’t understand, for example, the time of action whether it happened in the past or in the present. So, it has a fundamental role in the language. Really, it is beyond description how much important to know the ... Читать далее...

Elephants IX