Early withdrawals

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1. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. “We weren’t making love.” “Sorry,” said the sailor, “From […]...
2. Пословица / поговорка early to bed, early to rise – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: early to bed, early to rise Перевод: кто рано ложится, тот и рано встает Пример: The man believed that early to bed, early to rise was good for him and he always went to bed at 9:30 every night. Этот человек полагал, что рано ложиться и рано вставать было полезно для него, […]...
3. Gift tombstones A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: “Here lies my wife…..cold as ever” Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: “Here lies my husband…..stiff at last”...
4. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, “You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!” Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, […]...
5. Пословица / поговорка early to bed, early to rise makes one healthy, wealthy and wise – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: early to bed, early to rise makes one healthy, wealthy and wise Перевод: кто рано ложится и рано встает, здоровье, богатство и ум наживет Пример: Early to bed, early to rise makes one healthy, wealthy and wise was the advice that my grandmother gave me. Моя бабушка дала мне совет: “кто рано […]...
6. Checking Accounts and Writing Checks Marianne: I don’t understand it. I got a Notice from the bank that two of my checks Bounced. I’ve never had an Overdraft in my life. Jae: That doesn’t sound like you. You’re always so careful with your money. Marianne: I am! I don’t understand what happened. Jae: Let me take a look at your […]...
7. A jealous husband hires a private detective A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get. Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all […]...
8. The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking round his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes. One of the old villagers came up to him and said. “Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?” The Vicar […]...
9. Marriage counseling A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, we’ll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,” the husband explained. “She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts.” He continued, “She communicates well and […]...
10. Going Out A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house […]...
11. A man gets home early from work A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, […]...
12. Marriage quotes 07 If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way. In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy. In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it’s curtains! Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job […]...
13. A fellow decides to take off early from work A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he […]...
14. Перевод слова early Early – рано, ранний Перевод слова Early morning – раннее утро early fruit – скороспелка, скороспелый сорт in the early 20th century – в начале XX века They must have come home Early. Они должны были прийти домой пораньше. I knew I had to get up Early. Я знал, что мне придется встать рано утром. […]...
15. Bank Teller Bank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account”. “Please sir”, she replies, “we can’t have language like that in here.” “Why the Fuck not?” he asked. “Sir,” Came her retort, “I must ask you to refrain from swearing.” “I […]...
16. Being an Early or Late Riser Spiro: Hey, Watch out! Nancy: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there. I thought I would be the only person Up at the crack of dawn. What are you doing sitting on the Stoop at this Ungodly hour? Spiro: I’m trying To turn over a new leaf. Nancy: What do you mean? Spiro: I’m […]...
17. Значение идиомы early bird catches the worm [early bird catches the worm] or [early bird gets the worm] Aperson who gets up early in the morning has the best chance ofsucceeding; if you arrive early or are quicker, you get ahead ofothers. – A proverb. When Billy’s father woke him up for school hesaid, “The early bird catches the worm.” Charles began […]...
18. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “ATTENTION ALL” and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says” Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.” The drunks replies,” I’m sorry I […]...
19. Types of Bank Accounts Luiz: Where are you going? Iona: I’m going to the bank to open an account. Luiz: What kind of account: a Savings account, a Checking account, or a CD? Iona: Um, I’m not sure, but I’m sure someone at the bank can help me decide. Luiz: You’ll also need to decide if you want an […]...
20. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, “What was that for?” Wife said, “Because, you are a bad fuck”. Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, “And may I ask what’s that about?” Husband said, ” […]...
21. Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, “F. F.” His wife turned to him and answered, “E. F.” Out on the highway, he […]...
22. Some of the myths about marriage TOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” The husband says: “WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional […]...
23. Перевод слова furious Furious – взбешенный, яростный, неистовый Перевод слова Furious animal – разъяренный зверь to be furious – быть в ярости furious wind – неистовый ветер She was absolutely Furious. Она была просто в ярости. Their Furious desire of revenge must be satiated. Их яростное желание мести должно быть удовлетворено. The statement brought him into a state […]...
24. Значение идиомы bright and early [bright and early] {adj. phr.} Prompt and alert; on time and ready; cheerful and on time or before time. He came down bright and early to breakfast. She arrived bright and early for the appointment....
25. The Yuppette had risen to executive level The Yuppette had risen to executive level in the company in no time at all. Hearing rumors about her, the husband confronted his wife and accused her of sleeping with all of the top level managers. “Now that’s entirely false.” she cried. “I took the easy route and slept with anyone who mattered at least […]...
26. Following a bitter divorce Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party and sneered, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The wife simply sighed and replied, “Yes, dear, I know, but I was in love and didn’t really notice.”...
27. A husband and wife were in their back yard A husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her expanding backside. He commented, “Boy, your ass is getting big. almost as big as the gas grill here.” She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, “Yep, that thing is getting huge.” At this, the wife retreated to the […]...
28. Marital Sex While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn’t enjoy it. Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: “What happened, did I hurt you?” “Why no, not at all,” said his surprised wife. “Whatever made you […]...
29. An old retired man goes to his wife one day An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, “I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.” The wife says, “No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.” Husband replies, “Our savings are all gone and you […]...
30. While in prison OJ had another prisoner join him in his cell While in prison O. J. had another prisoner join him in his cell. This person was 8′ tall and 670 lbs. of solid muscle. He asked O. J. if he wanted to be the husband or the wife. Now O. J. not being stupid started reasoning in his mind “OK if I say I’m going […]...
31. Перевод идиомы early bird, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: early bird Перевод: ранняя пташка; кто-либо, кто встает рано Пример: My sister is an early bird and gets up very early every morning. Моя сестра – ранняя пташка, каждое утро она встает очень рано....
32. Being hurt A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. […]...
33. Silent treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and […]...
34. A folk remedy A man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she […]...
35. Man and wife at the zoo It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one […]...
36. Значение идиомы savings account [savings account] {n.} An account in a bank, where people put moneyto save it, and the bank uses the money and pays interest every year. If you leave your money in your savings account for six months or ayear, the bank will pay interest on it. Compare: CHECKING ACCOUNT....
37. Towards and Away One day many years ago, a fisherman’s wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn’t think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, “Let’s not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to […]...
38. Пословица / поговорка the early bird catches the worm – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: the early bird catches the worm Перевод: ранняя птичка носок прочищает, поздняя глаза продирает Эквивалент в русском языке: кто рано встает, того удача ждет Пример: My boss always comes to work early because he believes that the early bird catches the worm. Мой начальник всегда приходит на работу рано, потому что он […]...
39. Перевод идиомы bright and early, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: bright and early Перевод: очень рано, с утра пораньше, ни свет ни заря Пример: The woman likes to get up bright and early every morning. Ей нравится вставать ни свет ни заря каждое утро....
40. Husband always insisted on making love Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, “You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?” Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, “I’ll explain the toy, you explain the kids…..”...