Don’t say this to a cop

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1. Charged for speeding A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away […]...
2. The answer to the eternal question A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when […]...
3. He’s drunk at the bar One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his […]...
4. This guy was driving down the highway This guy was driving down the highway and was pulled over by the cops. The cop asked the man for his name and the guy replied, “Earl.” “You got a last name, Earl?” “Nope. It’s a long story, Officer.” “I got time.” Earl sighs and says, “Well, Officer, at first I was known as Earl […]...
5. Перевод слова officer Officer – офицер, чиновник, должностное лицо Перевод слова Assistant officer – помощник должностного лица customs officer – таможенный чиновник non-combatant officer – офицер запаса flying control officer – диспетчер полетов The police Officer was directing traffic. Полицейский регулировал движение транспорта. No Officer was touched. Ни один офицер не был ранен. He is an Officer of […]...
6. Driving school test The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop […]...
7. Handling a Traffic Stop I was having a great day until I saw the police car behind me with its loud Siren and lights Flashing. I Pulled off the road and waited for the officer to approach my car. Officer: May I see your Driver’s license, proof of insurance, and Car registration, please? Lindsay: Let me get them out […]...
8. California Driving Test Answers The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right […]...
9. Arguing about the sign A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn’t know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks […]...
10. Getting a Traffic Ticket I was driving down the street when I saw a Police car behind me. Suddenly, it turned on its Siren. I realized that I was Being pulled over. Officer: Can I see your Driver’s license, Registration, and Proof of insurance? Ray: Sure. Here you are, officer. Officer: Did you know that you were Speeding? You […]...
11. Swerve to avoid a box Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain […]...
12. The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue. “Can I see your license and registration, bub?”, the cop inquired. “But officer,” the fellow started, “I can explain…” “Shut yer trap, bub!” snapped the officer. “You’re going downtown and sit a while till the sarge gets back.” “But, officer, I think […]...
13. Radar Gun Error An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a […]...
14. They are stopped by the police John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.” Just […]...
15. One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the – influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat […]...
16. Reporting a Stolen Car Kenji: Hello, my car was Stolen and I want to report it. Officer: Where was it when it was stolen? Kenji: It was parked outside of my apartment building. I went outside this morning to drive to work, and it was gone. Officer: Okay, you need to fill out this form. Put down the Make […]...
17. Значение идиомы pile-up [pile-up] {n.} 1. A heap; a deposit of one object on top ofanother. There is a huge pile-up of junked cars in this vacantlot. 2. A large number of objects in the same place, said of traffic. I was late because of the traffic pile-up on the highway....
18. Перевод слова traffic Traffic – движение, трафик Перевод слова Trunk traffic – междугородное транспортное сообщение to block off traffic – перекрывать движение traffic code – правила дорожного движения The Traffic noise kept me awake. Шум уличного движения не давал мне уснуть. I was delayed by the Traffic. Я опоздал из-за того, что попал в пробку. A five-car pileup […]...
19. Cop wants an excuse A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks “I can outrun this guy,” so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway – […]...
20. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think […]...
21. Time for the wedding A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re […]...
22. Too much speeding A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say” “And I said […]...
23. Chief is at a wedding A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said […]...
24. Test for being drunk A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.” The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have […]...
25. Touring Washington A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?” The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. […]...
26. Getting Access to Restricted Areas Security officer: Excuse me, sir, but this is a Restricted area. Only Authorized personnel are Permitted. Carl: I just want to take a quick look. Is this really where the president will be speaking? Security officer: I can Neither confirm nor deny that, sir. Please step aside. Carl: What if I have Press credentials? Could […]...
27. Army fitness report British Military Officer Fitness Reports The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”…. – His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. – I would not breed from this Officer. […]...
28. Fred Dingaling A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he’s in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name. “Fred,” he replies. “Fred what?” […]...
29. A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” “Okay, we’ll just get a […]...
30. British Military Officer Fitness Reports The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”…. – His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. – I would not breed from this Officer. – This Officer is really […]...
31. 74-year-old attacks cars that run light A retired teacher has become an Internet sensation after he lobbed dozens of bricks at cars that ran a red light at an intersection in Lanzhou, Gansu province. “I just want to catch people’s attention and tell the drivers to think of pedestrians,” the 74-year-old man told Lanzhou Morning Post on Saturday. Many residents in […]...
32. Blonde on blonde A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally […]...
33. A state trooper pulled a car over A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. “I was only going 40!” the driver protested. “Not according to my radar,” the trooper said. “Yes, I was!” the man shouted back. “No you weren’t!” the trooper said. With that, the […]...
34. A police officer came upon a terrible wreck A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at […]...
35. Obey the speed limit Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see’s a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are […]...
36. Trust a fellow officer A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer […]...
37. There was a man and woman traveling along in their car There was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says “Did you know you were speeding back there.” The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband “What did he say, what did […]...
38. Now he’s in trouble A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, “what’s the problem officer?” To which the policeman responded, “I stopped you for running that red light behind you.” Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and […]...
39. Bull free in Tokoyo The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Tokyo, Japan: A bull bound for slaughter gave its handlers the slip Wednesday and escaped into Tokyo’s teeming streets. The 1,300-pound bull, shipped in from southern Japan, thundered down the gangplank as […]...
40. Значение идиомы give someone his rights [give someone his rights] or [read someone his rights] {v. phr.},{informal} 1. The act of advising arrested criminals that they havethe right to remain silent and that everything they say can be heldagainst them in a court of law; that they have the right to thepresence of an attorney during questioning and that if they […]...