Constantly complaining

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1. Expresso and a syringeThis guy goes into a restaurant. He’s a little more than strung out from lack of sleep. The waiter asked for his order. Trying to be funny he asked the waiter for a hit of his best heroin. Struggling to keep a straight face. The waiter says,»I’m sorry sir, we’re all out». «In that case ... Читать далее...
2. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly beingA blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her «go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?» The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she ... Читать далее...
3. Crazy people talkA doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient ... Читать далее...
4. Finding a Chinese JewSid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. «Sid,» asked Al, «are there any Jews in China?» «I don’t know,» Sid replied. «Why don’t we ask the waiter?» When the waiter came by, Al asked him, «Are there any Chinese Jews?» «I don’t know sir, let me ask,» the waiter replied, and he went ... Читать далее...
5. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Жалоба в отеле (Complaining At The Hotel)»По-английски Перевод на русский Receptionist: Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you? Портье: Добрый день, сэр. Чем могу вам помочь? Customer: Good afternoon. I’d like to make a complaint. Клиент: Добрый день. Я хотел бы подать жалобу. Receptionist: What’s the problem, sir? Портье: В чем проблема, сэр? Customer: My room number is 205. I ... Читать далее...
6. A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurantA stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter: «Sir! Please stop that immediately.» «Certainly, madame,» replies the waiter with a bow, ... Читать далее...
7. The Microsoft waiterPatron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, it’s still there. Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try eating it ... Читать далее...
8. Really torrid honeymoonAfter the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, «You know what I really feel like honey?» «Well sure,» she ... Читать далее...
9. There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the marketThere was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a ... Читать далее...
10. A delicacyAn American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, «What is that you just served?» The waiter replied, » ... Читать далее...
11. A psychology student at a local universityA psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered «When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.» ... Читать далее...
12. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problemA young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front ... Читать далее...
13. Dining at a Restaurant II (Fast)I love coming to this Italian restaurant. The appetizers and desserts are To die for. When the waiter came to our table To take our order, my friend ordered a lobster ravioli dish, and I ordered my favorite, lasagna. The waiter then asked us, «Would you like a Soup or salad with that?» My friend ... Читать далее...
14. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Жалоба в магазине (Complaining At The Store)»По-английски Перевод на русский Shop assistant: Good afternoon sir. How may I help you? Продавец: Добрый день, сэр. Чем я могу вам помочь? Customer: I’m looking for a cheap electric toothbrush. Do you have any? Покупатель: Я ищу недорогую электрическую щетку. У вас есть такие? Shop assistant: Yes, of course. We have electronics of any ... Читать далее...
15. Spain JokesSpanish dining An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is. «These, senor,» replied the waiter in broken English, «are the arms of the bull killed in the ring today.» The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the ... Читать далее...
16. Dining at a Restaurant I (Fast)Well, I love going out to restaurants to eat. One of the best experiences I’ve had recently was at a place here in Los Angeles called Il Fornaio. It’s an Italian restaurant in a very nice part of Beverly Hills. I don’t go there very often-I can’t really afford it, but every once in a ... Читать далее...
17. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Жалобы на плохой сервис в ресторане» (Complaining at a restaurant)— Are you ready to order, madam? — Well… actually I wanted to find something new in the menu as I haven’t been here for a year but I don’t see anything interesting today. — May I help you? What kind of dishes are you looking for? — I’ve tried all food here and I ... Читать далее...
18. Discovering too late that aDiscovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant’s owner waited nervously for the clerics’ reaction. «Quick, man,» he whispered to the waiter, «what did they say?» «Nothing,» replied the waiter. «They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets.»...
19. A customer walks into a restaurant and noticesA customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, «$500 if we fail to fill your order.» When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he hears an explosion of voices. The restaurant ... Читать далее...
20. A panda bear walks into a restaurantA panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door. The owner of the restaurant says, «Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying ... Читать далее...
21. The subway car was packedThe subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, «Sir, if you don’t stop poking me with your thing, I’m going to the cops!» «I don’t know what you’re talking about miss — that’s just my ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова waiterWaiter — официант Перевод слова Call the waiter over — подозвать официанта deft waiter — расторопный официант leave a gratuity for the waiter — оставить официанту на чай Has the Waiter taken your order? Официант принял ваш заказ? He took a job as a Waiter. Он устроился на работу в качестве официанта. Did you tip ... Читать далее...
23. A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open tableA man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and asked, «Do all the waiters ... Читать далее...
24. Too good to be trueA man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender «Do you serve lawyers here?» «Sure do,» replied the bartender. «Good,» said the customer, «Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my gator.»...
25. George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DCGeorge W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. «I’ll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,» answers the President. «But sir, what about the mad cow?!!» asks the waiter. «Oh,» answers Dubya, «she’ll order for herself.»...
26. Bill and Hillary are at a restaurantBill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight’s special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. The chicken sounds good, I’ll have that,» Hillary says. The waiter nods. And the vegetable?» he asks. Oh, He’ll have the fish,» Hillary replies....
27. A man was complaining to a friendA man was complaining to a friend. «I had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BIG car, the love of a beautiful woman, then, POW! it was all gone!» «What happened?» asked the friend. «My wife found out.»...
28. Значение идиомы cold shoulder[cold shoulder] {n.}, {informal} Unfriendly treatment of a person, a showing of dislike for a person or of looking down on a person. — Used in the cliches «give the cold shoulder» or «turn a cold shoulder to» or «get the cold shoulder». When Bob asked Mary for a date she gave him the cold ... Читать далее...
29. An elderly patient needed a heart transplantAn elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, «We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd ... Читать далее...
30. Passing an examThree patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking ... Читать далее...
31. Small WorldTwo men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man ... Читать далее...
32. Cops: Would-be robbers nabbed after restaurant owner says ‘come back’, and they doTwo men made it easy for authorities to catch them after they tried to hold up a West Rogers Park restaurant using a squirt gun but were told by the owner to return in an hour, officials said. When Mario Garcia, 39, and Domingo Garcia-Hernandez, 28, went back to the restaurant on the 6400 block ... Читать далее...
33. Stupid people fearingWANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind ... Читать далее...
34. A Problem with a Restaurant CheckI waved my hand To get the waiter’s attention. Waiter: Yes? Leslie: The Check, please. Waiter: Would you like any Dessert, or some tea or coffee? Leslie: No, just the check. Thanks. Waiter: Here you are. I’ll Ring that up for you when you’re ready. Leslie: Thank you. Oh, there seems to be a Mistake ... Читать далее...
35. Перевод слова patientPatient — пациент Перевод слова Refer a patient to a specialist — направить больного к специалисту chronic patient — человек, страдающий хроническим заболеванием acute patient — больной в тяжелом состоянии The Patient made a quick recovery. Пациент быстро выздоравливал. The Patient cannot walk yet. Пациент пока что не может ходить. The Patient was attended by ... Читать далее...
36. The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutiqueThe sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn’t bat an eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina. «What are you going to use it for?» she asked. «None of your business,» answered the customer, beet red and throughly offended. «Calm down, buddy,» soothed the salesgirl. » The only reason I’m asking is that ... Читать далее...
37. There was this man in a mental hospitalThere was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. ... Читать далее...
38. Упражнения «Неопределенный артикль» (с ответами)1. Поставьте неопределенный артикль там, где необходимо. Diana went up to young girl and asked: “Is there Italian restaurant near here?” She thought for moment and said: “Yes, there is one. Just go straight ahead 200 metres. You’ll see it in old building, opposite Chinese restaurant.” Diana went inside and saw man playing the piano. ... Читать далее...
39. A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter dayA man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day. He told his girl friend he’d have it fixed in no time. However as it was very cold his hands kept getting cold. He asked his girl if he could put his hands between her knees to warm them. She said that would ... Читать далее...
40. One doc operated on a person for a herniaOne doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. ... Читать далее...