Constantly complaining

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1. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her “go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?” The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she […]...
2. Expresso and a syringe This guy goes into a restaurant. He’s a little more than strung out from lack of sleep. The waiter asked for his order. Trying to be funny he asked the waiter for a hit of his best heroin. Struggling to keep a straight face. The waiter says,”I’m sorry sir, we’re all out”. “In that case […]...
3. Finding a Chinese Jew Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?” “I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?” “I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went […]...
4. A preacher was completing a temperance sermon A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” […]...
5. A man says to his wife A man says to his wife, “Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.” Wife says, “I dont want to go.” Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, “It tastes like sh*t. Man says, […]...
6. Значение идиомы crack a smile [crack a smile] {v. phr.}, {informal} To let a smile show on one’s face; permit a smile to appear. Bob told the whole silly story without even cracking a smile. Scrooge was a gloomy man, who never cracked a smile. When we gave the shy little boy an ice cream cone, he finally cracked a […]...
7. Значение идиомы rid of [rid of] Free of; away from; without the care or trouble. Thepuppy is finally rid of worms. If I could be rid of the childrenfor the day, I would go. I wish you’d get rid of that cat! Compare: DO AWAY WITH, THROW AWAY, THROW OFF....
8. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front […]...
9. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Жалоба в магазине (Complaining At The Store)” По-английски Перевод на русский Shop assistant: Good afternoon sir. How may I help you? Продавец: Добрый день, сэр. Чем я могу вам помочь? Customer: I’m looking for a cheap electric toothbrush. Do you have any? Покупатель: Я ищу недорогую электрическую щетку. У вас есть такие? Shop assistant: Yes, of course. We have electronics of any […]...
10. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
11. The Microsoft waiter Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, it’s still there. Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try eating it […]...
12. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Жалоба в отеле (Complaining At The Hotel)” По-английски Перевод на русский Receptionist: Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you? Портье: Добрый день, сэр. Чем могу вам помочь? Customer: Good afternoon. I’d like to make a complaint. Клиент: Добрый день. Я хотел бы подать жалобу. Receptionist: What’s the problem, sir? Портье: В чем проблема, сэр? Customer: My room number is 205. I […]...
13. Перевод слова waiter Waiter – официант Перевод слова Call the waiter over – подозвать официанта deft waiter – расторопный официант leave a gratuity for the waiter – оставить официанту на чай Has the Waiter taken your order? Официант принял ваш заказ? He took a job as a Waiter. Он устроился на работу в качестве официанта. Did you tip […]...
14. A man was complaining to a friend A man was complaining to a friend. “I had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BIG car, the love of a beautiful woman, then, POW! it was all gone!” “What happened?” asked the friend. “My wife found out.”...
15. A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter: “Sir! Please stop that immediately.” “Certainly, madame,” replies the waiter with a bow, […]...
16. A delicacy An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, “What is that you just served?” The waiter replied, ” […]...
17. A Problem with a Restaurant Check I waved my hand To get the waiter’s attention. Waiter: Yes? Leslie: The Check, please. Waiter: Would you like any Dessert, or some tea or coffee? Leslie: No, just the check. Thanks. Waiter: Here you are. I’ll Ring that up for you when you’re ready. Leslie: Thank you. Oh, there seems to be a Mistake […]...
18. The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn’t bat an eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina. “What are you going to use it for?” she asked. “None of your business,” answered the customer, beet red and throughly offended. “Calm down, buddy,” soothed the salesgirl. ” The only reason I’m asking is that […]...
19. Christmas tree better Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman” A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb […]...
20. Значение идиомы tell off [tell off] {v.} 1. To name or count one by one and give somespecial duty to; give a share to. Five boy scouts were told off toclean the camp. 2. {informal} To speak to angrily or sharply; attackwith words; scold. Mr. Black got angry and told off the boss. Bobby kept pulling Sally’s hair; finally […]...
21. A department store A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: […]...
22. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. “So, did you […]...
23. Spain Jokes Spanish dining An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is. “These, senor,” replied the waiter in broken English, “are the arms of the bull killed in the ring today.” The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the […]...
24. Перевод слова customer Customer – покупатель, клиент Перевод слова Customer service – служба работы с покупателями at customer’s discretion – на усмотрение заказчика potential customer – потенциальный клиент She is one of our best Customers. Она является одним из наших лучших клиентов. Poor Customer service has ruined the company’s reputation. Плохое обслуживание клиентов погубило репутацию компании. The Customer […]...
25. During an Army war game During an Army war game, a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C. O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck. “Sorry sir,” said one of the loafers, “but we’ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way.” The C. […]...
26. Idiots on the computer Any time you feel dumb, don’t worry. Check out the following excerpts from a “Wall Street Journal” article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you. 1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the many calls asking where the “Any” key is. 2. AST […]...
27. Перевод слова angry Angry – сердитый, недовольный, раздраженный Перевод слова Angry voices – сердитые голоса to be angry – сердиться angry mob – озлобленная толпа angry mood – сердитое настроение He was beginning to get Angry. Он уже начинал сердиться. ‘Please don’t be Angry with me,’ she said. – Пожалуйста, не сердитесь на меня, – сказала она. Joey […]...
28. A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and asked, “Do all the waiters […]...
29. Go to the hospital Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.” “What a coincidence!” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.” The nurse returned in a […]...
30. I have a question A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float? The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish […]...
31. Tough job A fellow getting a shave asked the barber if he had another razor. “Why?” asked the barber, “Is there something wrong with this one?” “I don’t know.” replied the customer. “But I would appreciate a chance to defend myself.”...
32. My brother-in-law went to the doctor complaining of My brother-in-law went to the doctor complaining of a very difficult time achieving an orgasm. The Dr said “which position do you use?” “Doggy style,” said dumb shit. “why don’t you go home and tonight try it missionary position and see if that works any better.” said the Dr. “We’ve tryed that” he said, “but […]...
33. One day Pete was complaining to his friend One day Pete was complaining to his friend “my elbow hurts. I better see a doctor”. His friend said “Don’t do that. There’s a computer in the drug store that can diagnose anything. It’s quicker and cheaper than visiting a doctor. Simply put a urine sample in the machine and it will diagnose your problem […]...
34. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Жалоба на соседей (Complaining About The Neighbours)” По-английски Перевод на русский Andrew: Hello, Martha. How are you? Эндрю: Привет, Марта. Как дела? Martha: Hi, Andrew. I’m all right, thank you. How about you? Марта: Привет, Эндрю. Все хорошо, спасибо. А как у тебя дела? Andrew: I’m also fine. Just haven’t slept well all night long and that’s the reason why I feel […]...
35. Really torrid honeymoon After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, “You know what I really feel like honey?” “Well sure,” she […]...
36. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Жалобы на плохой сервис в ресторане” (Complaining at a restaurant) – Are you ready to order, madam? – Well… actually I wanted to find something new in the menu as I haven’t been here for a year but I don’t see anything interesting today. – May I help you? What kind of dishes are you looking for? – I’ve tried all food here and I […]...
37. Young naval student A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. “What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?” “Throw out an anchor, sir,” the student replied. “What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?” “Throw out another anchor, sir.” “And if another terrific […]...
38. Discovering too late that a Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant’s owner waited nervously for the clerics’ reaction. “Quick, man,” he whispered to the waiter, “what did they say?” “Nothing,” replied the waiter. “They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets.”...
39. Dining at a Restaurant II (Fast) I love coming to this Italian restaurant. The appetizers and desserts are To die for. When the waiter came to our table To take our order, my friend ordered a lobster ravioli dish, and I ordered my favorite, lasagna. The waiter then asked us, “Would you like a Soup or salad with that?” My friend […]...
40. The barber was finishing a haircut The barber was finishing a haircut on a customer one day and started to apply some ‘Aftershave Lotion’ around his ears when the customer yelled, “Don’t put that crap on me! My wife says it smells like a French Whorehouse!” Another customer who was waiting replied, “Hey John, you can put the ‘Aftershave Lotion’ on […]...