Computer Ease!

Related topics:

1. Is Windows a Virus? No, Windows is not a virus. Here’s what viruses (viri?) do: 1. They replicate quickly – okay, Windows does that. 2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so – okay, Windows does that. 3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk – okay, Windows does […]...
2. Types of computer viruses Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are […]...
3. Microsoft Market Penetration Microsoft Market Penetration -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- INTRODUCING CONTRACEPTIVE98 ! ! ! Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will […]...
4. Idiots on the computer Any time you feel dumb, don’t worry. Check out the following excerpts from a “Wall Street Journal” article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you. 1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the many calls asking where the “Any” key is. 2. AST […]...
5. Перевод слова missing Missing – отсутствующий, недостающий Перевод слова Missing link – недостающее звено missing person – без вести пропавший missing data – недостающие данные to declare missing – объявить безвестно отсутствующим There is a page Missing. Здесь недостает страницы. A button was Missing from his shirt. На его рубашке не хватало одной пуговицы. She’s upset about Missing […]...
6. Punishment for Gates Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked […]...
7. The invention of the Computer В небольшом топике Изобретение компьютера рассказывается о том, что первый проект был разработан уже в середине 1830-х годов, но только более чем через столетие компьютер вошел в нашу жизнь. Сейчас трудно представить, как мы обходились без ПК, планшетов, интернета и электронной почты. Personal computers are now commonplace in most homes throughout the world, and are […]...
8. Перевод слова error Error – ошибка, заблуждение Перевод слова Human error – ошибка, свойственная человеку errors of taste – плохой вкус в одежде by error – по ошибке He was the victim of an Error. Он был жертвой ошибки. Man is prone to Error. Человеку свойственно допускать ошибки. I noticed an Error in the book. Я заметил ошибку […]...
9. Перевод слова file File – скоросшиватель, документы, файл Перевод слова Do we have your application on file? – вы уже подали заявление? to read one’s own personal file – прочитать свое личное дело file device – файловое устройство His wife’s Filing for divorce. Его жена подает на развод. These documents are kept on File. Эти документы подшиты к […]...
10. Перевод слова user User – пользователь, клиент, потребитель Перевод слова Chief users – главные потребители our users – наша клиентура user guide – руководство пользователя user interface – интерфейс пользователя Give your User name and password. Cообщите ваше имя пользователя и пароль. The way the system works will be transparent to the User. Принцип работы системы будет понятен […]...
11. Psychiatric Hotline If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If […]...
12. Psychiatrist phone Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so […]...
13. Hick computer terms Redneck computer terms Log On: Makin’ the wood stove hotter. Log Off: Don’t add no wood. Monitor: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove. Download: Gettin’ the firewood off the pickup. Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin’. Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin’ too much firewood. Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the […]...
14. Three envelopes A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,” he said. Well, things went along pretty […]...
15. Reporting Damaged Luggage I picked up my Luggage off of the Baggage carousel and noticed that the Handle was broken and some of my clothes were falling out of the open Zipper. The bag looked like it had been Mishandled, but could someone have Tampered with it, too? I went to the baggage claim office to report what […]...
16. Перевод слова message Message – сообщение, письмо; идея Перевод слова Clear message – ясное сообщение coded message – закодированное сообщение a book without a message – несерьезная книга Did you get my Message? Вам передали то, что я просил? I will bear your Message. Я передам вашу информацию. I texted a Message to her. Я написала ей сообщение. […]...
17. Virus Alert There is a very dangerous virus going around and it is propogated through the email system. If you get an email message with the subject: “VIRUS ALERT!” do not open the mail message. If you do, the virus scrambles the second half of every text file on your system. VERY IMPORTANT: If you do get […]...
18. Using a Computer Keyboard Leslie: This Keyboard is so hard to use. I can’t find where anything is! Dave: It’s a standard QWERTY keyboard. The Layout may be a little different, with the Function keys on the right-hand side instead of on the top, but you’ll get used to it in no time. Leslie: That’s what you think. I […]...
19. Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations REDMOND, Wash. – Oct. 23, 1997 – In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. “It’s actually a logical extension of our planned growth”, said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, […]...
20. Значение идиомы on file [on file] {adv. phr.} Placed in a written or electronic file; onrecord. We are sorry we cannot hire you right now but we will keepyour application on file....
21. Перевод слова press Press – нажимать, давить, пресс; пресса Перевод слова Wine press – виноградный пресс to press a lever – нажать на рычаг don’t press him too hard – не дави на него слишком сильно Press the pause button. Нажмите на паузу. Have the Press got a sniff yet? Пресса уже пронюхала? To cut text, Press Control […]...
22. Значение идиомы trial and error [trial and error] {n.} A way of solving problems by tryingdifferent possible solutions until you find one that works. Johnfound the short circuit by trial and error. The only way Tom couldsolve the algebra problem was by the method of trial and error....
23. Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95 Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95. Isaac is incredulous. ‘Pop,’ he says, ‘you can’t run Windows 95 on your old, slow 386. Everyone knows that you need at least a fast 486 with a minimum of 16 megs of memory in order to multitask effectively with Windows 95.’ But Abraham, the man […]...
24. Перевод слова copy Copy – копия, экземпляр; копировать Перевод слова For a true copy – “копия верна” to authenticate a copy – заверять копию to copy a file – скопировать файл So this is just a Copy? Так что это всего лишь копия? I’ll send a Copy to you. Я пришлю вам экземпляр. To Copy a file, press […]...
25. Значение идиомы rank and file [rank and file] {n. phr.} Ordinary people; the regular membershipof an organization; the enlisted privates in the Army. The generalusually inspects the rank and file on specific national holidays. The secretary of the association sends letters annually to the rankand file....
26. Значение идиомы press one’s luck [press one’s luck] or [push one’s luck] {v. phr.} To depend toomuch on luck; expect to continue to be lucky. When John won hisfirst two bets at the race track, he pressed his luck and increasedhis bets. If you’re lucky at first, don’t press your luck....
27. The astronomy jokes NASA just disclosed details why the rover wouldn’t accept any commands. They took a picture of the rover’s built-in display which showed a windows screen and the text “press any key to continue”. It is not conclusive yet, but the NASA believes the Mars Pathfinder has found proof of life on Mars. The cd player […]...
28. Computers are female The top six reasons computers must be female: 6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner. 5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic. 4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference. 3. The native language used to communicate with other […]...
29. Christmas and Hanukkah Merger Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having […]...
30. Gates gets punishment Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every […]...
31. Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting to enter heaven. St. Peter asks the first man, “What did you do on Earth?” Man #1: I was a doctor. St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates. St. P.: And what did you do on Earth? Man #2: I was a school teacher. […]...
32. Перевод слова ease Ease – облегчать; легкость, непринужденность, облегчение Перевод слова A life of ease – спокойная, обеспеченная жизнь to ease off bolt – ослаблять болт at ease! – вольно! (команда) They won with Ease. Они выиграли с легкостью. Massage helps Ease the pain. Массаж помогает снять боль. She Eased her shoes off. Она с облегчением сняла туфли....
33. Значение идиомы at ease [at ease] or [at one’s ease] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} 1. In comfort; without pain or bother. You can’t feel at ease with a toothache. 2. or [at one’s ease] Comfortable in one’s mind; relaxed, not troubled. – Often used in the phrase “put at ease” or “put at one’s ease.” We put Mary at […]...
34. Значение идиомы ill at ease [ill at ease] {adj. phr.} Not feeling at ease or comfortable;anxious; worried; unhappy. Donald had never been to a big partybefore and he was ill at ease. When Joe first went to dancingschool, he was ill at ease, not knowing how to act. Contrast: ATEASE....
35. Значение идиомы ease off [ease off] or [ease up] {v.} To make or become less nervous; relax;work easier. When the boss realized that John had been overworking, he eased off his load. With success and prosperity, Mr. Smith wasable to ease off. Compare: LET UP....
36. Значение идиомы get the message [get the message] or [get the word] {v. phr.}, {slang} Tounderstand clearly what is meant. The principal talked to thestudents about being on time, and most of them got the message. Mary hinted to her boyfriend that she wanted to break up, but hedidn’t gel the message. Compare: THE PICTURE....
37. Значение идиомы missing link [missing link] n. 1. Something needed to complete a group; amissing part of a chain of things. A 1936 penny was the missinglink in John’s collection of pennies. The detective hunted for thefact that was the missing link in the case. 2. An unknown extinctanimal that was supposed to be a connection between man and […]...
38. A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: “Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it […]...
39. UCLA Computer Club This one hasn’t come up despite the presence of UCLA on the net. I’m led to the sad conclusion that the tradition has died. In the mid ’70s, just before it was overrun by fanatic Dungeons Dragons ™ players, the UCLA Computer Club was host to a long series of “glitter traps.” Example: joke subject […]...
40. Computer Revolution Топик Компьютерная революция рассказывает о том, как много преимуществ получил человек с момента изобретения компьютера. Например, они экономят много времени и редко ошибаются; намного быстрее и проще получить информацию в Интернете, чем просмотреть горы книг в библиотеке; покупки в онлайн-магазинах тоже экономят наше время и деньги; а отправить письмо по электронной почте – быстрее и […]...