Computer Ease!

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1. Is Windows a Virus?No, Windows is not a virus. Here’s what viruses (viri?) do: 1. They replicate quickly — okay, Windows does that. 2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so — okay, Windows does that. 3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk — okay, Windows does ... Читать далее...
2. Types of computer virusesAdam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are ... Читать далее...
3. Microsoft Market PenetrationMicrosoft Market Penetration -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- INTRODUCING CONTRACEPTIVE98 ! ! ! Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will ... Читать далее...
4. Using EmailOne of the first things I do Each morning is to Check my email. I Open the email Program on my computer and I Check for new Messages. It usually takes only a few seconds for my new messages to Download from the Server into my Inbox unless there’s a large Attachment. I can then ... Читать далее...
5. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IVVoice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing — they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail ... Читать далее...
6. Microsoft Addresses Justice Department AccusationsREDMOND, Wash. — Oct. 23, 1997 — In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. «It’s actually a logical extension of our planned growth», said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, ... Читать далее...
7. Idiots on the computerAny time you feel dumb, don’t worry. Check out the following excerpts from a «Wall Street Journal» article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you. 1. Compaq is considering changing the command «Press Any Key» to «Press Return Key» because of the many calls asking where the «Any» key is. 2. AST ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова considerationConsideration — размышление, рассмотрение Перевод слова Under consideration — на рассмотрении, на обсуждении to take into consideration — принять во внимание consideration on the merits — рассмотрение по существу дела It requires careful Consideration. Это требует тщательного рассмотрения. Cost must also enter into Consideration. Цену тоже надо принимать во внимание. Both ideas merit further Consideration. ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова missingMissing — отсутствующий, недостающий Перевод слова Missing link — недостающее звено missing person — без вести пропавший missing data — недостающие данные to declare missing — объявить безвестно отсутствующим There is a page Missing. Здесь недостает страницы. A button was Missing from his shirt. На его рубашке не хватало одной пуговицы. She’s upset about Missing ... Читать далее...
10. Punishment for GatesSatan greets him: «Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked ... Читать далее...
11. The invention of the ComputerВ небольшом топике Изобретение компьютера рассказывается о том, что первый проект был разработан уже в середине 1830-х годов, но только более чем через столетие компьютер вошел в нашу жизнь. Сейчас трудно представить, как мы обходились без ПК, планшетов, интернета и электронной почты. Personal computers are now commonplace in most homes throughout the world, and are ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова errorError — ошибка, заблуждение Перевод слова Human error — ошибка, свойственная человеку errors of taste — плохой вкус в одежде by error — по ошибке He was the victim of an Error. Он был жертвой ошибки. Man is prone to Error. Человеку свойственно допускать ошибки. I noticed an Error in the book. Я заметил ошибку ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова fileFile — скоросшиватель, документы, файл Перевод слова Do we have your application on file? — вы уже подали заявление? to read one’s own personal file — прочитать свое личное дело file device — файловое устройство His wife’s Filing for divorce. Его жена подает на развод. These documents are kept on File. Эти документы подшиты к ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова userUser — пользователь, клиент, потребитель Перевод слова Chief users — главные потребители our users — наша клиентура user guide — руководство пользователя user interface — интерфейс пользователя Give your User name and password. Cообщите ваше имя пользователя и пароль. The way the system works will be transparent to the User. Принцип работы системы будет понятен ... Читать далее...
15. Psychiatric HotlineIf you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If ... Читать далее...
16. Psychiatrist phoneHello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so ... Читать далее...
17. Hick computer termsRedneck computer terms Log On: Makin’ the wood stove hotter. Log Off: Don’t add no wood. Monitor: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove. Download: Gettin’ the firewood off the pickup. Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin’. Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin’ too much firewood. Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the ... Читать далее...
18. Three envelopesA fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. «Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,» he said. Well, things went along pretty ... Читать далее...
19. Sister Margaret diedSister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, «This is Sister Margaret. There’s been a terrible mistake!» She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he’d get right on it. The next day the nun didn’t hear from Saint Peter so she called him again. ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова messageMessage — сообщение, письмо; идея Перевод слова Clear message — ясное сообщение coded message — закодированное сообщение a book without a message — несерьезная книга Did you get my Message? Вам передали то, что я просил? I will bear your Message. Я передам вашу информацию. I texted a Message to her. Я написала ей сообщение. ... Читать далее...
21. Reporting Damaged LuggageI picked up my Luggage off of the Baggage carousel and noticed that the Handle was broken and some of my clothes were falling out of the open Zipper. The bag looked like it had been Mishandled, but could someone have Tampered with it, too? I went to the baggage claim office to report what ... Читать далее...
22. Pest-by-ModemHere’s how to be a pest-by-modem: *Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f…… manual) to show that they’re «hep» to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to ... Читать далее...
23. Virus AlertThere is a very dangerous virus going around and it is propogated through the email system. If you get an email message with the subject: «VIRUS ALERT!» do not open the mail message. If you do, the virus scrambles the second half of every text file on your system. VERY IMPORTANT: If you do get ... Читать далее...
24. Using a Computer KeyboardLeslie: This Keyboard is so hard to use. I can’t find where anything is! Dave: It’s a standard QWERTY keyboard. The Layout may be a little different, with the Function keys on the right-hand side instead of on the top, but you’ll get used to it in no time. Leslie: That’s what you think. I ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы on file[on file] {adv. phr.} Placed in a written or electronic file; onrecord. We are sorry we cannot hire you right now but we will keepyour application on file....
26. Перевод слова pressPress — нажимать, давить, пресс; пресса Перевод слова Wine press — виноградный пресс to press a lever — нажать на рычаг don’t press him too hard — не дави на него слишком сильно Press the pause button. Нажмите на паузу. Have the Press got a sniff yet? Пресса уже пронюхала? To cut text, Press Control ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы in consideration of[in consideration of] {adv. phr.} 1. After thinking about andweighing; because of. IN consideration of the boy’s young age, thejudge did not put him in jail for carrying a gun. 2. In exchange for;because of; in payment for. In consideration of the extra work Joehad done, his boss gave him an extra week’s pay. Compare: ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы trial and error[trial and error] {n.} A way of solving problems by tryingdifferent possible solutions until you find one that works. Johnfound the short circuit by trial and error. The only way Tom couldsolve the algebra problem was by the method of trial and error....
29. Плюсы и минусы компьютера/ Pros And Cons Of The ComputerНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Pros And Cons Of The Computer Плюсы и минусы Интернета There are many modern appliances in everyday life. We can say that computer is one of them. It is rather useful for those who work or study. I’m sure before the computer was invented people didn’t even think ... Читать далее...
30. Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95. Isaac is incredulous. ‘Pop,’ he says, ‘you can’t run Windows 95 on your old, slow 386. Everyone knows that you need at least a fast 486 with a minimum of 16 megs of memory in order to multitask effectively with Windows 95.’ But Abraham, the man ... Читать далее...
31. Перевод слова copyCopy — копия, экземпляр; копировать Перевод слова For a true copy — «копия верна» to authenticate a copy — заверять копию to copy a file — скопировать файл So this is just a Copy? Так что это всего лишь копия? I’ll send a Copy to you. Я пришлю вам экземпляр. To Copy a file, press ... Читать далее...
32. Recording an Outgoing Voice Mail MessageI hate the sound of my own voice. I always have. When I’m speaking to an audience, I always sound Forced and Unnatural. So when we had To set up our new Voice mail system’s Outgoing message, it took me a few Tries to get it right: “Hello, you’ve reached Martin Navra at McQ Corp. ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы rank and file[rank and file] {n. phr.} Ordinary people; the regular membershipof an organization; the enlisted privates in the Army. The generalusually inspects the rank and file on specific national holidays. The secretary of the association sends letters annually to the rankand file....
34. Значение идиомы press one’s luck[press one’s luck] or [push one’s luck] {v. phr.} To depend toomuch on luck; expect to continue to be lucky. When John won hisfirst two bets at the race track, he pressed his luck and increasedhis bets. If you’re lucky at first, don’t press your luck....
35. More neighborhood jokesThey had a ‘witchy’ old lady next door that was constantly complaining about everything and everyone in the neighborhood. After one really good round about kids and pets messing up her spotless front yard, my buddies planned what turned out to be a better joke than they originally thought. Juvenile as we all were, they ... Читать далее...
36. Limiting Free SpeechToshi: You can’t go outside looking like that! What are you thinking? Celeste: I’m Exercising my Right of free speech. I’ve put on these clothes and painted my body this way to protest the treatment of women. I want to send a message. Toshi: You’re crazy if you think people are going To take you ... Читать далее...
37. Значение идиомы slip of the tongue[slip of the tongue] also [slip of the lip] {n. phr.} The mistakeof saying something you had not wanted or planned to say; an error ofspeech. No one would have known our plans if Kay hadn’t made a slipof the tongue. She didn’t mean to tell our secret; it was a slipof the lip....
38. Computers are femaleThe top six reasons computers must be female: 6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner. 5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic. 4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference. 3. The native language used to communicate with other ... Читать далее...
39. The astronomy jokesNASA just disclosed details why the rover wouldn’t accept any commands. They took a picture of the rover’s built-in display which showed a windows screen and the text «press any key to continue». It is not conclusive yet, but the NASA believes the Mars Pathfinder has found proof of life on Mars. The cd player ... Читать далее...
40. Gates gets punishmentBill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, «Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every ... Читать далее...