Collection 16

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1. Collection 11You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant. You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough. If you were twice as smart, you’d still be stupid. I know you are nobody’s fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. You were the answer ... Читать далее...
2. Collection 07I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department — by a pair of handcuffs. Hello — tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean — you make me sick. You should have been born in the ... Читать далее...
3. Collection 10Why don’t you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex — and it’s fully justified. You are not as bad as people say — you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? ... Читать далее...
4. Collection 13We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I’ll say it was your stupidity. Well, I’ll see you in my dreams — if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. ... Читать далее...
5. Collection 08For two cents, I’d give you a piece of my mind — and all of yours. You are the only person I’ve ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the ... Читать далее...
6. Collection 04I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I’ll think so. Man alive! But I wish you weren’t. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead. Is your ... Читать далее...
7. Collection 02Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that’s the best friend you can get. I don’t think you are a fool. But then, what’s my own humble opinion against thousands of others? Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how ... Читать далее...
8. Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishingJesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses «I want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days.» and Moses says «Yeah sure.» So Jesus gets up and says «I think I’ll walk on the water, that was always a good one.» So Jesus ... Читать далее...
9. Значение идиомы lay oneself open to[lay oneself open to] {v. phr.} To make oneself vulnerable to;expose oneself. If you don’t perform your job properly, you willlay yourself open to criticism....
10. Collection 15If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. You’re nobody’s fool. Let’s see if we can get someone to adopt ... Читать далее...
11. Heavenly golfMoses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over ... Читать далее...
12. Collection 01If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people’s hair. ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы throw open[throw open] 1. To open wide with a sudden or strong movement. He dashed in and threw open the windows. 2. To remove limits from. The Homestead Act threw open the West. When a hurricane and floodleft many people homeless, public buildings were thrown open toshelter them....
14. Collection 06We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!! We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, «Do not come home and all will be forgiven». You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure. I ... Читать далее...
15. Business is businessA young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks the class, «Who was the greatest man that ever lived?» A girl raises her hand and says, «I think George Washington was the ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы mouth[mouth] See: BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN ONE’S MOUTH, BUTTERWOULDN’T MELT IN ONE’S MOUTH, BY WORD OF MOUTH, DOWN IN THE DUMPS orDOWN IN THE MOUTH, FOAM AT THE MOUTH, HEART IN ONE’S MOUTH, KEEP ONE’SMOUTH SHUT, LAUGH ON THE WRONG SIDE OF ONE’S MOUTH, LEAVE A BAD TASTEIN ONE’S MOUTH, LIVE FROM HAND ... Читать далее...
17. BanjoQ: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that’s not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it. Q: How can you tell the stage you’re playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of ... Читать далее...
18. A town in Poland had only one cowA town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles — or one from Minsk for only 1000 rubles. So, naturally, — they got the cow from Minsk. It was a great cow: had ... Читать далее...
19. Перевод слова bullBull — бык, буйвол Перевод слова Elephant bull — слон-самец raging bull — свирепый бык bull calf — бычок, глупец, простофиля He was treed by a Bull. Бык загнал его на дерево. The Bull bellowed Бык взревел. He was attacked and gored by a Bull. На него напал бык и а забодал его. Примеры из ... Читать далее...
20. Collection 05Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. It’s your life — but I wish you’d let us have it. Hey, act your age — senile! I’ve had many cases of love that ... Читать далее...
21. Collection 12What’s the latest dope — besides you? I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture. You don’t believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself. When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова remindRemind — напоминать, быть похожим Перевод слова He reminds me of his brother — он напоминает мне своего брата remind me to answer these letters — напомни мне, что нужно ответить на эти письма remind of terms of the procedure — напоминать о правилах процедуры Remind me to buy some milk tonight. — Напомни, чтобы ... Читать далее...
23. George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminalGeorge W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked, «Aren’t you Moses?» But the man wouldn’t listen to him and continued walking. ... Читать далее...
24. Пословица / поговорка when pigs fly — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: when pigs fly Перевод: когда рак на горе свистнет Эквивалент в русском языке: после дождичка в четверг Пример: I think that my friend will finish his university degree when pigs fly. Probably never. Мне кажется, что мой друг получит университетский диплом только когда рак на горе свистнет. То есть, наверное, никогда....
25. Значение идиомы throw oneself at someone’s head[throw oneself at someone’s head] or [fling oneself at someone’shead] {v. phr.}, {informal} To try hard and openly to make a personlove you. She threw herself at his head, but he was interested inanother girl. Compare: AT ONE’S FEET....
26. A man gets home early from workA man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. «What’s up?» he says. «I’m having a heart attack,» cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, ... Читать далее...
27. Mister Smith rushes into the maternity wardMister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, «What’s wrong? What’s the emergency?» «Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It’s disfigured.» «Well, how bad is it? Can I see?» «Follow me, sir.» They head down a restricted corridor and come to the first door. Inside, in ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы go from bad to worse[go from bad to worse] {adv. phr.} To change from a bad position orcondition to a worse one; become worse. Dick’s typing went from badto worse when he was tired. Jack’s conduct in school has gone frombad to worse. Compare: OUT OF THE PRYING PAN INTO THE FIRE....
29. Bull free in TokoyoThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Tokyo, Japan: A bull bound for slaughter gave its handlers the slip Wednesday and escaped into Tokyo’s teeming streets. The 1,300-pound bull, shipped in from southern Japan, thundered down the gangplank as ... Читать далее...
30. A farmer comes home with a lively young bullA farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls have fallen on sad days. He’s letting them hang around for old times’ sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture, he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of the old bulls starts to paw ... Читать далее...
31. Collection 09ClassYou must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high. In the next life, you’ll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house — the doghouse! When you die, I’d like ... Читать далее...
32. Collection 03Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I’ll arrange it with the undertaker. People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of. Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick! We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips ... Читать далее...
33. Перевод слова worseWorse — худший, хуже Перевод слова Much worse — намного хуже not a penny the worse — нисколько не хуже to take a turn for the worse — измениться к худшему Worse cannot happen. Ничего худшего не может случиться. He became a lot Worse. Ему стало намного хуже. If she’s Worse in the morning, I’ll ... Читать далее...
34. Giving Cats PillsINSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill ... Читать далее...
35. A man stops by a diner at noonA man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and ... Читать далее...
36. Перевод идиомы make oneself scarce, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: make oneself scarce Идиома: make oneself scarce разг. Перевод: быстро уйти, удрать, улизнуть, ретироваться Пример: I think that I will make myself scarce and go to the beach for the day. Я думаю удрать отсюда, и пойти на пляж на весь день. «If you see a bull in the pasture, make yourself scarce.» Если ... Читать далее...
37. You could Feed them a lot FasterThere was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы for the worse[for the worse] {adj. phr.} or {adv. phr.} For something that isworse or not as good, with a worse result. He bought a new car butit turned out to be for the worse. The sick man’s conditionchanged for the worse. Compare: TAKE A TURN. Contrast: FOR THEBETTER....
39. Значение идиомы give up[give up] {v.} 1a. To stop trying to keep; surrender; yield. Thedog had the ball in his mouth and wouldn’t give it up. Jimmy isgiving up his job as a newsboy when he goes back to school. Compare:GIVE ONESELF UP, HAND OVER, LET GO. Contrast: HOLD ON TO. 1b. Toallow; permit. Ford gave up two ... Читать далее...
40. President Clinton, returning from a campaign stopPresident Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip — a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. «I’d salute ... Читать далее...