At a grocery store

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1. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. […]...
2. This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop. An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he’ll give her a ride home. On the way he looks her over and says “You’re a pretty good looking old broad. I’ll […]...
3. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “В магазине продуктов (At The Grocery Store)” По-английски Перевод на русский Assistant: Good afternoon. Can I help you, sir? Ассистент: Добрый день. Могу я Вам помочь, сэр? Customer: Good afternoon. Yes, tell me, please, where is the dairy department? Покупатель: Добрый день. Да, подскажите мне, пожалуйста, где молочный отдел? Assistant: It’s right behind that shelf with chocolate bars. Go straight till the […]...
4. The Home Improvement Store When you own a house, there is always something that Needs work. I have been Putting off repainting the Garage and I decided that I would do it this weekend. I went to the Home improvement store early in the morning to get the Supplies I’d need. I walked into the Huge store and began […]...
5. The Home Improvement Store When you own a house, there is always something that Needs work. I have been Putting off repainting the Garage and I decided that I would do it this weekend. I went to the Home improvement store early in the morning to get the Supplies I’d need. I walked into the Huge store and began […]...
6. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she replied, […]...
7. A young girl is with her dad at the barbers A young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on the floor. “Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?” asked the barber. “Don’t be so stupid, I’m only three!!” said the girl!...
8. Defending Your Ideas at Work Monica: That’s why I don’t think it’s Doable. We should consider other ideas. … That was Monica. She’s my co-worker and my Nemesis. She Criticizes all of my ideas, but I’ve learned that the best Defense is to not get Defensive. … Kazuya: I appreciate your Feedback. I understand your Reservations, but let me show […]...
9. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
10. Showing Off a New Purchase Monica: Wow, Check you out! When did you buy a new car? Kevin: This isn’t just any new car. It’s a Ferrari. Monica: I can see that. It must have Set you back a few. Kevin: Yeah, but it was Worth it. You should see the looks I get riding around in this Baby. My […]...
11. Showing Off a New Purchase Monica: Wow, Check you out! When did you buy a new car? Kevin: This isn’t just any new car. It’s a Ferrari. Monica: I can see that. It must have Set you back a few. Kevin: Yeah, but it was Worth it. You should see the looks I get riding around in this Baby. My […]...
12. To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it’ll make her fat. “I won’t do it any more, Mom,” says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. “If I bite my fingernails, I’ll be as fat as that, won’t I Mom?” […]...
13. A woman walks into a pet store A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.” “No worries,” replies the clerk. […]...
14. Remember a child A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my […]...
15. A Trip to the Jewelry Store My wife’s birthday was Coming up And I wanted to get her a special Present. She always tells me to not to Splurge on gifts for her but For once, I decided To pull out all the stops. I went to the Jewelry Store and began looking at all of the Display cases. I started […]...
16. A woman asks the hardware store clerk “Do you have any batteries?” a woman asks the hardware store clerk. “Yes, m’am.” The clerk gestures with his finger. “Can you come this way?” “If I could come that way,” the woman says, “I wouldn’t need the batteries.”...
17. A Trip to the Jewelry Store My wife’s birthday was Coming up And I wanted to get her a special Present. She always tells me to not to Splurge on gifts for her but For once, I decided To pull out all the stops. I went to the Jewelry Store and began looking at all of the Display cases. I started […]...
18. Help the lonely child Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all […]...
19. Перевод слова candy Candy – леденец, конфета Перевод слова Mixed candies – конфетный набор chocolate candy – шоколадная конфета cotton candy – сладкая вата Candy will rot your Teeth. Конфеты испортят твои зубы. That Candy is too sweet. Эти конфеты слишком сладкие. Do you want a piece of Candy? Хочешь конфету?...
20. A blonde went to the appliance store sale A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry we don’t sell […]...
21. Barry took a girl out on her first date Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, “My mother told me to say no to everything.” “Well,” Barry said, “do you mind if I put my arm around you?” “No,” the girl replied. “Do you mind if I put my […]...
22. Asking for a Date I Admit it. I’m a Player. I work in an office where there are a lot of Attractive women. Take Debra, for example. I heard that she just Broke up with her boyfriend last week so I decided to ask her out. Liam: Hi, Debra. How’s it going? Debra: Okay, I guess. How about you? […]...
23. The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. “What would you like to do next?” he asked. “I wanna be weighed,” she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guessed. “One-twelve,” said […]...
24. The young playboy took a blind date to an The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. “What would you like to do next?” he asked. “I wanna be weighed,” she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. “One-twelve,” said […]...
25. Spell it Woman: Two *Achoo!* tickets, please. Clerk: Have you purchased tickets here before? Woman: *cough* No. Clerk: Then I need your address. Woman: Okay. It’s 260..*AHEM* Sorry..Laryngitis… Clerk: You’ll have to spell that one for me....
26. A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, “If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.” The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. […]...
27. A little girl was playing up a tree near a church A little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and […]...
28. The real treasure An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can’t resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says, “See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a […]...
29. The Diet BREAKFAST 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz glass skim milk LUNCH 4 oz lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed zucchini 1 Oreo cookie MID-AFTERNOON SNACK rest of the package of Oreo cookies 1 quart Rocky Road ice cream 1 jar hot fudge DINNER 2 loaves garlic bread 1 large pepperoni & […]...
30. A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said. “Can we leave now?” “No,” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” […]...
31. A drill instructor at Airborne school was A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group of new troops on making a proper jump. He told them: “When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up, you hook up. When you go out the door, yell ‘Geronimo!’ and wait for your shoot to open. Got It? Good, […]...
32. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her […]...
33. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, “cough drops” and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, “What are you doing here, m’am?” […]...
34. A little girl came running into the house crying A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. “Why do you want cider?” asked Mom. “To take the pain away,” sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little […]...
35. Значение идиомы go on [go on] {v.} 1a. To continue; not stop. After he was hit by theball, Billy quit pitching and went home, but the game went on. TheTV picture began to jump, and it went on like that until Father turneda knob. I asked Jane a question but she went on reading and didn’tanswer. Mother told Jim […]...
36. An elderly woman entered a large furniture store An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. “Is there something in particular I can show you?” he asked. “Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.” “You mean a sectional sofa,” he suggested. “Sectional schmectional.” she bitterly retorted. “All I want is an occasional piece in […]...
37. Just like my wife A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my […]...
38. Showing Disapproval and Sympathy Maggie: Why the Long face? Joe: I just heard that I won’t be rehired for next year. Maggie: That’s awful! What a rotten thing for the management to do. Joe: I’ll be okay, but Monica is losing her job, too. Maggie: Oh no, not Monica, too. I’m So sorry to hear that. Who do they […]...
39. The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn’t sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, “Compared to what?” She held up one finger and asked if I […]...
40. The Comedy Club On Friday night, I went with a group of friends from work to a comedy club. I don’t really like Sketch comedy, but I do like Stand-up, and the comedian who was going to perform there was one of my favorites. There were six of us and we were a pretty Rowdy group. We stood […]...