An elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests

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1. The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a monthThe Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a month. He took her to fancy restaurants and expensive resorts. Finally, he proposed, «Bernie, if you will marry me, I have enough money to provide you with anything your little heart desires.» «Sorry John.» she replied. «I’m not ready to settle down yet. And besides, ... Читать далее...
2. An elderly patient needed a heart transplantAn elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, «We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd ... Читать далее...
3. At a dinner party, one of the guestsAt a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: ‘Is this pig?’ Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: ‘Which end of the ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод сленгового выражения bash, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: bash Перевод: 1. празднование, вечеринка; 2. критиковать, осуждать Пример: Yes, it was quite a bash. Да, это была замечательная вечеринка. Why do you have to bash my beliefs? Почему ты осуждаешь мои убеждения?...
5. An elderly man goes into a brothelAn elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. «I’m 90 years old,» he says. «90!» replies the woman. «Don’t you realize you’ve had it?» «Oh, sorry,» says the old man, ... Читать далее...
6. A materialistA yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. «Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!», he whined. «You yuppies are so ... Читать далее...
7. Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the verandaTwo elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and reminiscing about old times. One says to the other, «Darling, do you remember the minuet?» The other replies, «Sweetheart, I can’t even remember the ones I screwed!»...
8. Seems this elderly couple went to the clinicSeems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said,»Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!»...
9. An elderly couple in a senior homeAn elderly couple in a senior’s home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys’s penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. «What’s she got that I ... Читать далее...
10. An elderly woman entered a large furniture storeAn elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. «Is there something in particular I can show you?» he asked. «Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.» «You mean a sectional sofa,» he suggested. «Sectional schmectional.» she bitterly retorted. «All I want is an occasional piece in ... Читать далее...
11. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girlsThis elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, «cough drops» and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, «What are you doing here, m’am?» ... Читать далее...
12. Elderly romanceThere’s an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, «For five dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I’ll take you to my ... Читать далее...
13. Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory testThree elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, «What is three times three?» «274,» was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, «It’s your turn. What is three times three?» «Tuesday,» replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, «Okay, ... Читать далее...
14. A present for the anniversaryA middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, «So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?» She says, «Bernie, I want a divorce.» He says, «I wasn’t planning on spending that much.»...
15. An elderly couple, living apartAn elderly couple, living apart, had been dating for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy, «We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate food and cooking separate meals. We should just move in together. Betsy: Whose house would we live in? Elmer: Mine, it is ... Читать далее...
16. Three couples wanted to join a churchThree couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.» The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the ... Читать далее...
17. An elderly couple, still very loving after all these yearsAn elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again — the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live ... Читать далее...
18. An elderly couple walk into a doctor officeAn elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, «Doctor, we want to have a baby.» The doctor replies,»At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.» So the couple comes back a few days later. ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы pipe up[pipe up] {v.}, {informal} To speak up; to be heard. Mary is soshy, everyone was surprised when she piped up with a complaint at theclub meeting. Everyone was afraid to talk to the police, but asmall child piped up....
20. True loveThree men were drinking at a bar — a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, «For her birthday, I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me ... Читать далее...
21. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова sufferingSuffering — страдание, мука Перевод слова Lifelong suffering — страдание на всю в жизнь to alleviate human sufferings — облегчать человеческие страдания unspeakable suffering — невыразимое страдание I wish I could relieve your Suffering. Как бы я хотел облегчить ваши страдания. We are Suffering from the influence of high exchange rate. Мы страдаем от влияния ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова agedAged — пожилой, старый, престарелый Перевод слова Middle-aged man — человек среднего возраста aged population — престарелые a boy aged fifteen — мальчик пятнадцати лет A woman Aged 50 has given birth to twins. Женщина в возрасте 50 лет родила двойню. His hair whitened as he Aged. Его волосы побелели, как он постарел. There is ... Читать далее...
24. A veterinarian surgeonA veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. At about 2:00 in the morning, ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод слова wineWine — вино Перевод слова An elegant wine — отменное вино empty wine-bottle — пустая винная бутылка full of wine — полный вина wine glass — бокал для вина We got drunk on Wine. Мы опьянели от вина. The Wine was doped. В вино что-то подмешали. Wine is made from grape. Вино делают из винограда....
26. A couple have not been getting along for yearsA couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, «I’ll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.» Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn’t get her anything. She says, «Why didn’t you get me a birthday present!?» ... Читать далее...
27. My BirthdayI was born on the 22nd of March. Birthday is a very remarkable day for me. It is spring and the weather is fine. In the morning my parents come to my room to wake me singing «Happy Birthday, dear Andy». They give me the presents. I like to get them very much. Most people ... Читать далее...
28. You are in troubleAn evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself «Oh God, I’m screwed!!!!!.» There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: «No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your ... Читать далее...
29. Take in a boarderAn elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions. «Yes,» says the Doctor, «I would advise you to take in a boarder.» A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine his wife is ... Читать далее...
30. The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morningThe new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking round his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes. One of the old villagers came up to him and said. «Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?» The Vicar ... Читать далее...
31. A hearing problemAn elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about 20′ behind her and asked «Can you hear me sweetheart»?. No reply. Moved to 10′ and inquired again. No reply. 5′ and not a word. A few inches behind ear, he asked «Can you hear me now honey»? His wife said «For the ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод слова agreeAgree — соглашаться Перевод слова To agree on conditions — оговорить условия to agree to an exchange — соглашаться на обмен to agree reluctantly — неохотно соглашаться to agree on all points — договориться по всем пунктам All Agree. Все согласны. I Agree with you. Я с вами согласен. Agreed! Разг. решено!, по рукам! We ... Читать далее...
33. Why I Fired My SecretaryI woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, «I’m another year older,» but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, «Happy birthday, dear.» All smiles, I ... Читать далее...
34. Перевод слова boastBoast — хвастаться Перевод слова Empty boast — пустое хвастовство proud boast — бахвальство boast copy — хвастливый текст Amy Boasted that her son was a genius. Эми хвасталась тем, что ее сын был гением. ‘I wouldn’t be afraid,’ she Boasted. — Я бы не испугалась, — похвасталась она. The city Boasts two excellent museums. ... Читать далее...
35. Not this timeThere was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his ... Читать далее...
36. Love thy NeighborThe middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had ... Читать далее...
37. Placing a Drink OrderServer: Hello, I’m Allie and I’ll be your Server today. Here’s a menu. Can I take your Drink order? Joel: I’d like a glass of water with no ice. Server: Sure. Will that be Sparkling or Still? Joel: Uh, Tap. Server: Okay, one glass of tap water. Would you like anything else? We have Soda, ... Читать далее...
38. Eating at a Casual RestaurantRussell: Why aren’t you eating? Is there Something the matter with your food? Nadia: No, the food is fine. Russell: What’s wrong? Nadia: I’m not sure How to put this. I really like going to Diners and Hole in the walls with you, and I love Mom and pop restaurants as much as you do. ... Читать далее...
39. Marriage quotes 04A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. — Guitry Ah Mozart! He was happily married — but his wife wasn’t. — Borge Always talk to your wife while you’re making love… if there’s a phone handy. An archaeologist ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы take pains[take pains] {v. phr.} To do something very carefully andthoroughly. She had taken pains to see that her guests hadeverything that they could possibly want. She always takes painswith her appearance....