An elderly woman entered a large furniture store

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1. A woman strode angrily into the largeA woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, «What’s the problem? Wouldn’t your cat eat them?» The woman’s eyes got very large, and she whispered, «Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for ‘cats’?»...
2. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girlsThis elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, «cough drops» and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, «What are you doing here, m’am?» ... Читать далее...
3. A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th childA woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. «Congratulations,» said the nurse, «but don’t you think this is enough?» The woman replied, «Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year.»...
4. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
5. A woman asks the hardware store clerk«Do you have any batteries?» a woman asks the hardware store clerk. «Yes, m’am.» The clerk gestures with his finger. «Can you come this way?» «If I could come that way,» the woman says, «I wouldn’t need the batteries.»...
6. A man and wife entered aA man and wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, «I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.» You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her ... Читать далее...
7. A blonde went to the appliance store saleA blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. «I would like to buy this TV,» she told the salesman. «Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,» he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, «I would like to buy this TV.» «Sorry we don’t sell ... Читать далее...
8. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, «Do you know what I’m doing?» «Yes,» she replied, ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова furnitureFurniture — мебель, обстановка Перевод слова Custom-built furniture — мебель, изготовленная по заказу dusty furniture — мебель, покрытая пылью forthright furniture — простая мебель The office Furniture is wearing out. Офисная мебель изнашивается. Wood makes good Furniture. Из древесины получается хорошая мебель. They moved the Furniture about. Они все время переставляли мебель....
10. Elderly romanceThere’s an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, «For five dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I’ll take you to my ... Читать далее...
11. The first time I went to a drug store to buy condomsThe first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn’t sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, «Compared to what?» She held up one finger and asked if I ... Читать далее...
12. Seems this elderly couple went to the clinicSeems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said,»Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!»...
13. An elderly man goes into a brothelAn elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. «I’m 90 years old,» he says. «90!» replies the woman. «Don’t you realize you’ve had it?» «Oh, sorry,» says the old man, ... Читать далее...
14. Great to be a womanReason’s why it’s great to be a woman Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies. Speeding ticket? What’s that? New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud. If you’re not making enough money you can blame the ... Читать далее...
15. Newer homes and furniture burn faster, giving you less time to escape a fireResearch shows that 30 years ago, you had about about 17 minutes to escape a house fire. Today it’s down to 3 or 4 minutes. The reason: Newer homes and the furniture inside them actually burn faster. A lot faster. To demonstrate, Rossen Reports went to Underwriters Laboratories in Chicago, where two rooms were built ... Читать далее...
16. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, «Do you know what I’m ... Читать далее...
17. A woman was thinking about finding a petA woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large ... Читать далее...
18. An elderly couple, still very loving after all these yearsAn elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again — the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live ... Читать далее...
19. An elderly couple in a senior homeAn elderly couple in a senior’s home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys’s penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. «What’s she got that I ... Читать далее...
20. A lady was in a hardware store looking atA lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said ‘I am blind drop it on the ground and i’ll tell ya. She dropped it on the ground.’Aahh that’s 10.00.’ She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard. But, ... Читать далее...
21. The man approached the very beautiful womanThe man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, «You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?» «Why?» «Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.»...
22. Having Furniture DeliveredI was waiting patiently for the furniture store To deliver my new bed. I was given a Window of 1:00 to 4:00. At 4:50, the Delivery truck pulled up in front of my house. … Zuly: Hello. Danny: Hi! We’re from Reliable Furniture. We’re here to deliver your new bed. Zuly: I thought you’d never ... Читать далее...
23. Having Furniture DeliveredI was waiting patiently for the furniture store To deliver my new bed. I was given a Window of 1:00 to 4:00. At 4:50, the Delivery truck pulled up in front of my house. … Zuly: Hello. Danny: Hi! We’re from Reliable Furniture. We’re here to deliver your new bed. Zuly: I thought you’d never ... Читать далее...
24. An American woman and an Iranian womanAn American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, «These remind me of my husband’s testicles.» The American woman says, «That big?» The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.»...
25. Значение идиомы part of the furniture[part of the furniture] {n. phr.} In a job or position for so longthat one is taken entirely for granted, like a part of the physicalsurroundings. He has been working in the same office for so manyyears now that people consider him to be a part of the furniture....
26. Значение идиомы in store[in store] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} 1. Saved up in case of need; readyfor use or for some purpose. If the electricity goes off, we havecandles in store in the closet. The squirrel has plenty of nuts instore for the winter. Compare: IN RESERVE, IN STOCK, ON HAND. 2.Ready to happen; waiting. — Often used ... Читать далее...
27. At a grocery storeA man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, «No.» The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, «Now Monica, we just have ... Читать далее...
28. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded womanA blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: «I don’t want to complain, but I think those ... Читать далее...
29. An elderly patient needed a heart transplantAn elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, «We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод слова largeLarge — большой, крупный Перевод слова Large powers — широкие полномочия large discretion — большая свобода действий large population — большое население Ours is a Large family. Наша семья большая. He hooked a Large fish. Он поймал крупную рыбу. She works for a Large firm. Она работает в большой фирме....
31. One night, an 87-year-old womanOne night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to ... Читать далее...
32. The young lady admired the watch in the store windowThe young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, «Just how much is that watch?» «It’s $2000, ma’am.» «Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?» «Just what sort of ‘time schedule’ did you have in mind?» «I ... Читать далее...
33. Перевод слова storeStore — магазин; припасы, снабжать, хранить Перевод слова Clothing store — магазин готового платья war stores — боеприпасы to store a ship with provisions — снабдить судно провиантом facts stored away in the memory — факты, хранимые в памяти What did you get at the toy Store? Что вы купили в магазине игрушек? I need ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы at large[at large] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. Not kept within walls, fences, or boundaries; free. The killer remained at large for weeks. Compare: AT LIBERTY. Cattle and sheep roamed at large on the big ranch. 2. In a broad, general way; at length; fully. The superintendent talked at large for an hour about his hopes ... Читать далее...
35. Dating a Younger Man/WomanTadashi: Was that Diane you were talking to Just now? Helen: Yeah, do you know her? Tadashi: Diane and I Used to work together. She looked happy. Helen: Yeah, she’s dating a new man. I just got The scoop. He’s not her usual Type. Tadashi: What do you mean? Helen: Well, he’s a little younger ... Читать далее...
36. A small boy was lost at a large shopping mallA small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, «I’ve lost my dad!» The cop asked, «What’s he like?» The little boy replied, «Beer and women with big tits.»...
37. Partial DosageAn elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said «That’s no problem. How many do you want?» The man answered, «Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.» The pharmacist said, «That won’t do you any good.» The elderly gentleman said, «That’s ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы variety store[variety store] {n.} A store that sells many different kinds ofthings, especially items that are fairly small and in everyday use. I went into a variety store and bought some paint. Five-and-tencent stores are a kind of variety store....
39. An elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests«Look at me.» an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his birthday bash. «I’ve aged like a fine old carefully stored wine.» «I certainly have to agree with that.» piped-up his obviously long suffering wife. «Henry’s cork’s been stationary for years.»...
40. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problemA young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front ... Читать далее...