An elderly couple, living apart

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1. An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again – the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live […]...
2. Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said,”Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!”...
3. An elderly couple in a senior home An elderly couple in a senior’s home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys’s penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. “What’s she got that I […]...
4. An elderly couple walk into a doctor office An elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, “Doctor, we want to have a baby.” The doctor replies,”At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.” So the couple comes back a few days later. […]...
5. Rejecting Newer Technology Darlene: Thanks for agreeing to take a look at my computer. It’s been Acting up lately. Chris: Sure, I don’t mind. Is this it? Darlene: Yeah. Chris: How long have you had this computer? It looks like it belongs in the Ice age. Darlene: I admit it’s a little Dated. I must be one of […]...
6. Assigning Blame in a Car Accident Tarik: Are you okay? Stacey: Yeah, I think so. I’m just a little Shaken up, but look at my car! Tarik: Mine is in pretty bad shape, too. Good thing, though, it wasn’t Totaled. Stacey: Okay, let’s exchange Insurance information, so we can both get out of here. Tarik: Right. I’ll Put in a claim […]...
7. The young immigrant couple had just left the The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens. “It is wonderful,” the husband exclaimed. “We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?” “Yes, you male chauvinist pig,” his wife replied. “Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on […]...
8. Business Insurance Carson: What happened here?! Samantha: As you can see, there was an accident. Early this morning, a man driving along this street Lost control of his car and ran into the front window of our store. Luckily, no one was hurt. Carson: What are we going to do? We can’t open for business with this […]...
9. Перевод слова insurance Insurance – страхование Перевод слова Insurance against all risks – страхование от всех рисков insurance broker – страховой агент to cancel insurance – аннулировать страховой полис The Insurance business is built on trust. Страховочный бизнес основан на доверии. He is in Insurance. Он занимается страхованием. Our firm carries fire Insurance. У нашей фирмы есть страховой […]...
10. Preparing Food for Cooking Marissa: How can I help? Juan Carlos: Um…why don’t you Iron the Tablecloth and Set the table? Marissa: I already did that. I want to help with the cooking. Juan Carlos: Okay, you can Scrub these potatoes, Peel the carrots, and Rinse these grapes. Marissa: All right, I’ll do that, but I think you’re just […]...
11. A group of cowboys were branding some cattle A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, “Did I screw up the […]...
12. Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing ——————————— It’s the only type of cooking a “real” man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat […]...
13. After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. “Don’t worry,” he said, “Just take this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow.” So he went home feeling […]...
14. Значение идиомы of one’s own accord [of one’s own accord] or [of one’s own free will] {adv. phr.}Without suggestion or help from anyone else; without being told;voluntarily. On her mother’s birthday, Betsy did the dishes of herown accord. But Johnny hates baths. I can’t believe he would takeone of his own free will....
15. Перевод слова cook Cook – готовить, стряпать; повар Перевод слова To keep a cook – иметь повара to cook meat – готовить мясо to cook accounts – подделать счета My husband doesn’t Cook. Мой муж не готовит. I promised I’d Cook for them. Я обещал, что буду готовить для них. I’m a hopeless Cook. Я безнадежный кулинар....
16. Advantages and disadvantages of living in private house Топик Преимущества и недостатки жизни в частном доме приводит все “за” и “против” проживания в собственном доме. Владелец частного дома не зависит от мнения соседей, но должен заботиться сам о безопасности дома, сам следить за его состоянием и обязательно иметь автомобиль, чтобы добраться до города. Если не принимать во внимание эти факты, то жизнь в […]...
17. Eating a Home-Cooked Meal Louise: What’s the matter with you? Gil: I just got off the phone with my mom and she says they’re planning a welcome-home party for me next week – at a restaurant! Louise: What’s wrong with that? Gil: After Living abroad for a year, I was really looking forward to a Home-cooked meal. Louise: Why […]...
18. Selling war insurance Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in […]...
19. Keeping their marriage together I know a husband and wife who have separate bedrooms, drive different cars, take separate vacations, work different shifts, have their own computers, and even have their own ISPs, separate e-mail addresses and Home Pages. They say they’re doing everything they can to keep their marriage together....
20. Gauging the Doneness of Meat Chris: How do you like your Steak? Ruth: Well done. I don’t like any pink showing and I don’t mind if it’s a little Charred. Chris: I’ll cook it the way you want it, but it’ll be dry and Tough. Ruth: Yes, but a longer Cooking time kills Foodborne illnesses. I don’t want to eat […]...
21. Buying Car Insurance Agent: Hello, Krashit Insurance. Jackie: Hi, I wanted to get a Quote for car insurance. Agent: Sure, I can help you with that. I Assume you want Liability insurance, but what other Coverage would you like to get? Jackie: Umm…I’m not sure. This is my first car. Agent: In that case, let me make a […]...
22. Good sales strategy Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the Captain […]...
23. Перевод слова mine Mine – шахта, рудник; добывать; мой, мое Перевод слова To develop a mine – обустраивать шахту to mine diamonds – добывать алмазы abandoned mine – заброшенная шахта it is mine – это мое He is a Mine of information. Он ходячая энциклопедия. This Mine is now laid in. Эта шахта законсервирована. She’s a new love […]...
24. Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, “Where ya going boy?” The son smiled and replied, “I’m a-going courting Peggy-Sue.” The Father said, “When I went a-courtin’, I didn’t need me no dang lantern.” “Sure Pa, I know.” the boy said. “And look what you got!”...
25. High School Jobs I got my first Part-time job when I was 15 working at a Car wash in the Summertime. A friend of mine, Rob, worked there and got me the job. I think it paid $2.90 an hour, which I considered a Fortune. There were no Allowances in my family, so most of my brothers and […]...
26. A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that […]...
27. Living on the Fringes of Society Carla: Why do those teenagers have to dress like that? Don’t they want To fit in? Donald: Maybe they feel Marginalized and they’re showing their feelings of Alienation through their clothes. Carla: That’s just a bunch of Psychobabble. Nobody is treating them like Second-class citizens. They’re choosing To set themselves apart, to make themselves Outcasts. […]...
28. An elderly man goes into a brothel An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. “I’m 90 years old,” he says. “90!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?” “Oh, sorry,” says the old man, […]...
29. Elderly romance There’s an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, “For five dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I’ll take you to my […]...
30. Living in a Condo or Co-op Diane: I’m so Exasperated! I’m really tired of the Homeowner’s association in my condo building. Ricardo: What’s the matter with it? Diane: The people who sit on the condo association board are a bunch of Do-nothings. I’ve filed Complaint after complaint and they refuse To enforce the House rules. Ricardo: Well, that might not be […]...
31. Cafe Living One of my favorite Hang-outs is a cafe near where I live called Bolivar in Santa Monica. It’s only five minutes Away, and its never too busy to find a table. Sometimes it can be Bustling, but that’s usually just in the morning during Rush hour or at Lunchtime. The owners are from Venezuela, and […]...
32. Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, “What is three times three?” “274,” was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?” “Tuesday,” replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, “Okay, […]...
33. An elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests “Look at me.” an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his birthday bash. “I’ve aged like a fine old carefully stored wine.” “I certainly have to agree with that.” piped-up his obviously long suffering wife. “Henry’s cork’s been stationary for years.”...
34. An elderly patient needed a heart transplant An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, “We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd […]...
35. Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and reminiscing about old times. One says to the other, “Darling, do you remember the minuet?” The other replies, “Sweetheart, I can’t even remember the ones I screwed!”...
36. Cooking Dinner I’m not a very good cook but I decided to surprise my wife by making a Three-course meal. I went to the Supermarket to get the dessert, and I Stopped by the Farmer’s market to get some fresh vegetables, my Ingredients for the salad. The meal would start with a salad. I washed the vegetables […]...
37. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, “cough drops” and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, “What are you doing here, m’am?” […]...
38. An elderly woman entered a large furniture store An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. “Is there something in particular I can show you?” he asked. “Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.” “You mean a sectional sofa,” he suggested. “Sectional schmectional.” she bitterly retorted. “All I want is an occasional piece in […]...
39. Значение идиомы rule out [rule out] {v.} 1. To say that must not be done; notallow; also: decide against. The principal ruled out dances onschool nights. The play was ruled out by the referee. Jeanprobably will not go to college, but she has not ruled that out. 2.To show that is not a possibility; make itunnecessary to think about; […]...
40. Living in the country – Жизнь в деревне Today some people sell their small flats in the cities, buy houses in the countryside and move to live there in order to change their lifestyle. But before you make this decision, let us consider advantages and disadvantages of the living in the village. On the living one hand, there are plently of benefits in […]...