An amazing foreboding

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1. A tough case was being argued in courtA tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of hundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied. «The judge’ll kill me. Trying to bribe him! We’re dead!» «I don’t think so,» his attorney told him. «I sent it in ... Читать далее...
2. An Amazing Talking DogA man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, «I’ll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk.» Bartender: «Yeah! Sure…go ahead.» Man: «What covers a house?» Dog: «Roof!» Man: «How does sandpaper feel?» Dog: «Rough!» Man: «Who was the greatest ball player of all time?» Dog: «Ruth!» Man: ... Читать далее...
3. Gift for a birthdayA fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses… one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that ... Читать далее...
4. Anthony Hopkins Wrote Bryan Cranston an Amazing Fan LetterGo ahead and add «Breaking Bad superfan» to the list of things you and Sir Anthony Hopkins have in common. In a rather incredible fan letter that was shared over the weekend by Breaking Bad actor Steven Michael Quezada (DEA agent Steven Gomez), a person claiming to be Hopkins could barely contained his gushing as ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова grandfatherGrandfather — дедушка, предок, почтенный старик Перевод слова Grandfather rights — «дедовские» права; исконные права great grandfather — прадед grandfather file — предпоследняя версия файла My Grandfather had a weak heart. У моего деда было слабое сердце. Give my dear love to Grandfather. Передавай нежный привет дедушке. Grandfather won’t see out another month. Дедушка не ... Читать далее...
6. At night court, a man was brought in and setAt night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. The judge said, «State your name, occupation, and the charge.» The defendant said, «I’m Sparks, I’m an electrician, charged with battery.» The judge winced and said, «Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!»...
7. The right rhythmOn hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, «He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.» Horrified, Katie told her ... Читать далее...
8. The Amazing Flying DogA woman is out looking for a pet, and so she’s trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, «I’ve got just the thing for you madam. I’ll just get him.» With that, he disappears into ... Читать далее...
9. Amazing AnagramsAmazing Anagrams Dormitory == Dirty Room Desperation == A Rope Ends It The Morse Code == Here Come Dots Slot Machines == Cash Lost in ’em Animosity == Is No Amity Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z’s Alec Guinness == Genuine Class Semolina == Is No Meal The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture ... Читать далее...
10. Two story houseA man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, «Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.» «Because,» the man says,»I live in a two-story house.» The Judge replies, «What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова fellowFellow — человек, парень, тип; товарищ, собрат Перевод слова A fellow can’t work all day long — не может же человек работать весь день jolly fellow — веселый малый fellows at school — товарищи по школе Oh, isn’t he a duck of a Fellow? Не правда ли, он просто прелесть? A tight Fellow! Хороший парень! ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова exactExact — точный, строгий, пунктуальный Перевод слова Exact meaning — точный смысл, точное значение exact translation — точный перевод he is exact in business — в делах на него можно положиться Their grey hair Exacts of us a particular respect. Их седины требуют от нас особого уважения. The timing had to be Exact. Сроки должны ... Читать далее...
13. About Steve who wants to know about somethingsIn one day Steve came to the bathroon, when his father was washing. And Steve has seen dad’s dick and said: «Dad, what is this?» His father nervously said: «Well Steve, it’s sausage». After week he, suddenly, has seen his mum’s cunt and said: «Mum, what is this?». His mum: «Well, it’s a cat». After ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова judgeJudge — судья; судить, оценивать, порицать Перевод слова Presiding judge — председательствующий судья to judge whether Smith is right or wrong — судить, прав Смит или неправ I judged him to be about 50 — мне показалось, что ему около пятидесяти judge not, that ye be not judged — не судите, да не судимы будете ... Читать далее...
15. LearningA man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, «But we don’t know anything about each other.» He said, «That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.» So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very ... Читать далее...
16. Best advice possibleTaylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor, «You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can.» After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where ... Читать далее...
17. A judge asked a defendant to please standA judge asked a defendant to please stand. «You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw.» From out in the audience a man shouted, «Lying bastard!» «Silence in the court!», the judge shouted back to the man. He turned to the defendant and said, «You are also charged with killing a ... Читать далее...
18. 8-year-old boy rescues 6 relatives from fire, dies trying to save 7thIn his final moments, 8-year-old Tyler Doohan managed to rescue six people — including two younger children — from a burning mobile home in upstate New York, authorities said. A last-ditch effort, however, to save his disabled grandfather cost the boy his life. His body was found next to his grandfather, whom Tyler considered a ... Читать далее...
19. Guilty as sinSue reports for jury duty as ordered, and promptly asks to be excused because she believes she’s prejudice. «I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin.» «Sit down,» says the judge. «That’s the prosecuting attorney.»...
20. Talk to the judgeA judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer’s tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge’s orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, «Counselor, you ... Читать далее...
21. Ballroom dances are amazingТопик Бальные танцы — это восхитительно рассказывает о том, как много усилий должны приложить исполнители бальных танцев, создавая неповторимый «узор» своего выступления, чтобы привести в восхищение зрителей и судей на различных конкурсах и чемпионатах. Желание, мотивация, талант и, конечно, огромный труд могут привести танцоров к победе. Поэтому и бальные танцы – можно считать одним из ... Читать далее...
22. A technical bastardA couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn’t, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, ... Читать далее...
23. Twenty men die and go to heavenTwenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are under their wives control and they other for those that control their wives. After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are nineteen men in the first ... Читать далее...
24. Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranchCowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. «When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,» Joe began. «You mean the parking lot,» interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. «I walked up the trail to the door,» Joe ... Читать далее...
25. Staring down from the bench to announce the termsStaring down from the bench to announce the terms of the divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said: «I’m going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month.» To which the woman’s about-to-be ex replied: «That’s mighty kind of you, judge. I’ll try to help her all I can, ... Читать далее...
26. Baby bear wants to live somewhere elseThe three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of ... Читать далее...
27. Fortunate ingenuityA little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, «Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.» The grandfather replies, «I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to ... Читать далее...
28. What Not to Name Your DogEverybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog «Sex». When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said «I’d like one too.» But then I said «This is a dog.» He said he didn’t care what she looked ... Читать далее...
29. Fixing an ailmentIn Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it’s most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They ... Читать далее...
30. A young boy was visiting his grandfather’s farmA young boy was visiting his grandfather’s farm when one day he walks out behind the barn and sees his grandfather playing with himself. The boy says, «What are you doing grandpa, jacking off?» Grandpa replies, «No sonny, just jacking!»...
31. Man Hospitalized After Shooting 3 Men Who Broke Into His Home, Wanted To Rape His GranddaughterA grandfather from Lumberton, North Carolina, proved himself a force to be reckoned with after he found himself face to face with three armed men who broke into his home Monday night and allegedly attempted to rape his 19-year-old granddaughter. Kenneth Byrd, 67, and his wife were reportedly at home at around 10 p. m. ... Читать далее...
32. Two Irishmen are sitting in a barTwo Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick’s looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, «well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I’ve just found out that he actually died in the auschwitz concentration camp.» Patrick says, «that’s terrible, did he go to the ... Читать далее...
33. Stupid people stories 02Stupid people DEADHEADS A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify. THIS WOULD BE ME The judge called the ... Читать далее...
34. My girlfriend is out in the carA man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man’s friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы by heart[by heart] {adv. phr.} By exact memorizing; so well that you remember it; by memory. The pupils learned many poems by heart. He knew the records of the major league teams by heart....
36. This fellow comes to confessionThis fellow comes to confession. «Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.» The priest asked, «What did you do, my son?» «I lusted,» the fellow replied. «Tell me about it,» the priest said. The fellow then related his story. «Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in ... Читать далее...
37. Judge: Is there any reason you could not serveJudge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case? Juror: I don’t want to be away from my job that long. Judge: Can’t they do without you at work? Juror: Yes, but I don’t want them to know it....
38. Значение идиомы in so many words[in so many words] {adv. phr.} 1. In those exact words. Hehinted that he thought we were foolish but did not say so in so manywords. 2. or [in no uncertain terms] In an outspoken way; plainly;directly. I told him in so many words that he was crazy. Bobwas very late for their date, and ... Читать далее...
39. Roles Within a FamilyLarissa: I’m really nervous about meeting your family. Vince: You don’t need to be. They’ll love you and you’ll Fit right in. Larissa: Okay, but I want to make sure I know everyone I’ll be meeting. Your Grandmother Celine is the Matriarch of the family and your Uncle Nick is the Black sheep of the ... Читать далее...
40. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGEGetting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, «Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?» The other replied, ... Читать далее...