A work of art

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1. Some problems A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says: “I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems.” “What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I’ll love it. It’s my child and I’ll love it […]...
2. A little boy and his dad are standing in line A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, “hey dad, look how fat that lady is!” “Shhhh, quiet son, she’ll hear you.” “But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!” “Shhhhhh, don’t say that son, it’s not nice!” […]...
3. A cure for atheism A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn’t believe in Heaven or Hell. “Marry him anyway, dear.” the Mother said. “Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how *wrong* he is.”...
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I […]...
5. At the Art Exhibit I really wanted to see the new Exhibit at the art museum and invited Lucy to come along. We both like Contemporary art and this was an Exhibition for an artist that we’ve both liked, Ever since she was An up and coming artist 10 years ago. This was a Retrospective so there was going […]...
6. Art in our life – Искусство в нашей жизни Art plays an important role in my life. It aids the people`s understanding of their culture. No doubt tastes should be developed through images of high artistic culture, whereas works of popular culture as a rule meet consumer`s tastes. In my opinion the habit of looking at good pictures is in itself a means by […]...
7. Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. “This,” she said, “I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?” “No, madam,” replied the attendant. “That one’s called a mirror.”...
8. Paying bills Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard, ” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his […]...
9. Sweet, Sweet Road Rage An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, “I was going to park there!” The […]...
10. An artist asked the gallery owner An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. “I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told […]...
11. It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency, were traveling together through the midwest, when they were caught between towns during a driving snow storm. The further they went, the worse conditions got, and they finally slid off into a ditch. Fortunately there was a house quite nearby. They waded through […]...
12. A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moooo!” Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, “Bud.”...
13. Proffessional Acquantance A well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening nite of a musical during intermission. A blonde shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray painted on her curvy body. She smiled and gushed, “Well, hello there Doc.” […]...
14. Перевод слова tiny Tiny – крошечный Перевод слова Tiny parasitic insects – маленькие насекомые-паразиты tiny spark – искорка tiny brook – ручеек tiny tot with yellow hair – малыш с золотистыми волосами The plate had a Tiny chip in the edge. На ободке тарелки была крошечная щербинка. The computer chips were Tiny. Компьютерные микросхемы были крошечные. It was […]...
15. For Lovers Only на английском языке писателя G. K. Chesterton Gabriel Gale was energetically painting a new sign for the Rising Sun Inn when his attention was engaged by a new arrival, Diana Westermaine. The lady was tall and dark, and Gale looked at her steadily and rather longer than is strictly polite-but painters are absent-minded. When he left off looking at her, she began […]...
16. The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The boss called her into his office and said, “Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that’s over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. The boss pressed on, […]...
17. Перевод слова dear Dear – дорогой, милый, дорогая, милая Перевод слова Dear mother – милая мамочка o dear! o god! – о боже! a dear little thing – прелестная вещица Be a Dear and make me a coffee. Будь душкой и сделай мне кофе. Can I help you, Dear? Я могу тебе помочь, дорогая? What’s your name, Dear? […]...
18. Перевод слова contemporary Contemporary – современник, современный, живущий в одно время Перевод слова In the contemporary western world – в современном западном мире contemporary author – современный автор the rampant consumerism of contemporary society – безудержное потребительство современного общества Contemporary minds and rock groove together. Современные взгляды и рок прекрасно сочетаются друг с другом. John Aubrey was a […]...
19. College Dorm On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the […]...
20. Перевод сленгового выражения work one’s ass off / work one’s tail off / work one’s buns off / work one’s butt off, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: work one’s ass off / work one’s tail off / work one’s buns off / work one’s butt off Сленговое выражение: work one’s ass off / work one’s tail off / work one’s buns off / work one’s butt off груб. Перевод: усердно трудиться, много работать Пример: You’ve been working your ass off […]...
21. Пословица / поговорка a little hard work never killed anyone / a little work never hurt anyone – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: a little hard work never killed anyone / a little work never hurt anyone Перевод: небольшой труд еще никому не навредил Пример: The mother said that a little hard work never hurt anyone and asked her son to clean the kitchen. Мать сказала, что немного труда еще никому не вредило, и попросила […]...
22. Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, […]...
23. A little delusion The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore […]...
24. Eat oysters A lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach. “What did you eat for dinner last night?” asked the doctor. “Oysters,” she said. “Fresh oysters?” asked the doctor. “How should I know?” said the lady “Well,” asked the doctor, “couldn’t you tell when you took off the shells?” “My Gosh,” gasped the […]...
25. Значение идиомы come back to earth [come back to earth] or [come down to earth] {v. phr.} To return to the real world; stop imagining or dreaming; think and behave as usual. After Jane met the movie star it was hard for her to come back to earth. Bill was sitting and daydreaming so his mother told him to come down […]...
26. Перевод слова nearby Nearby – ближний, поблизости, неподалеку Перевод слова Nearby farmhouse – соседняя ферма nearby galaxies – ближайшие галактики nearby trail – близкий след Do you live Nearby? Вы живете поблизости? There’s good sport to be had at a Nearby lake. На близлежащем озере можно хорошо порыбачить. Jews were expelled from Vienna, many to settle in the […]...
27. About my mother Dear Caroline, I hope you’re well and I apologise for not having written before. Unfortunately, I haven’t had a lot of time, I have been busy with lessons at school. Anyway, I have read your message and I have known that you interested by my mother! Ooh, first of all, I want to say that […]...
28. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. “Doctor,” she explained, “the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.” The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on […]...
29. A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.” The husband retorts, “Well, what did he say about your 50 year […]...
30. Перевод слова artist Artist – ходожник, артист Перевод слова Opera artist – оперный певец an artist by birth – художник по призванию artist in words – мастер слова He has an Artist’s eye. У него взгляд художника. He was made to be an Artist. Ему суждено было стать художником. Примеры из жизни В русском языке словом “Артист” чаще […]...
31. A real bastard A little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping. His tears are streaming down his cheeks. An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him. “What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?” “It’s mean!”, the boy sniffed, “My daddy drowned all four little kittens we had yesterday!” “That’s […]...
32. A promise to keep “But this isn’t an engagement ring.” the young lady protested. “Why it’s just a tiny unset diamond.” “Yeah! I know.” said the fellow, “And, it’ll be mounted in a cluster around a big one, the very day after you are.”...
33. Перевод слова painting Painting – картина, живопись, окрашивание Перевод слова Flemish painting – фламандская живопись a painting in oils – картина, написанная маслом a vivid painting of his impressions – живое описание его впечатлений crayons and water-colours can be used for painting – для раскрашивания можно пользоваться цветными карандашами и акварелью painting and decorating – малярные работы He […]...
34. Man takes the ferry home from work John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. […]...
35. The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue. “Can I see your license and registration, bub?”, the cop inquired. “But officer,” the fellow started, “I can explain…” “Shut yer trap, bub!” snapped the officer. “You’re going downtown and sit a while till the sarge gets back.” “But, officer, I think […]...
36. To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it’ll make her fat. “I won’t do it any more, Mom,” says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. “If I bite my fingernails, I’ll be as fat as that, won’t I Mom?” […]...
37. During WW II an American soldier During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not […]...
38. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and […]...
39. Delivering a baby A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he […]...
40. Useful work phrases USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK: I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and […]...