A woman came to the psychiatrist worried

Related topics:

1. A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatristA very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, «Doctor, I’m so depressed and lonely. I don’t have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?» «I’m sure I can,» the psychiatrist replied. «Just ... Читать далее...
2. A woman goes to a psychiatrist and saysA woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, «Doctor, you’ve got to do something about my husband — he thinks he’s a refrigerator!» «I wouldn’t worry too much about it,» the doctor replies. «Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.» «But you don’t understand,» the woman insists. «He sleeps with his mouth open, ... Читать далее...
3. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
4. A man goes to a psychiatristA man goes to a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatrist suggests they start with a Rorschach Test. He holds up the first picture and asks the man what he sees. «A man and a woman making love in a park,» the man replies. The psychiatrist holds up the second picture and asks the ... Читать далее...
5. This guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with aThis guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with a concerned look on his face. «Doc,» he says, «I’m worried. It’s that dream. I’m having it again.» «What dream?» asked the shrink, not really paying attention. «You know,» says the man, «the one where I’m into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or ... Читать далее...
6. A blonde is speaking to her psychiatristA blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. «I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.» Psychiatrist: «Don’t you have a phone in your car?» Blonde: «That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.» Psychiatrist: ... Читать далее...
7. A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatristA Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder. «I am so obsessed with my mother… As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up in such a state, all I can do is go downstairs and ... Читать далее...
8. A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnantA woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, «Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?» The doctor answered, «Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy ... Читать далее...
9. A profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatristA profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatrist. «My life is a mess, doctor,» she began, «I am so fucking hideous that no one will associate with me, touch me, or even talk to me. Can you help?» «Why, certainly! Helping people feel much better about themselves is my area of expertise. I can start ... Читать далее...
10. A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimedA psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, «I heard you died.» «But you see I’m alive,» smiled the friend. «Impossible,» said the psychiatrist. «The man who told me is much more reliable than you.»...
11. The doctor looked at the woman who had come to himThe doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. «Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you.» The woman said, «I’m glad to hear that doctor, but I’m Miss Brown, not Mrs.» «Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown,» said the doctor without changing expression, «I have some bad ... Читать далее...
12. Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother? Sister: He thinks he’s a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken? Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs....
13. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselvesA man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, «I’m ... Читать далее...
14. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, «Do you know what I’m ... Читать далее...
15. A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a dietA woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. «I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.» When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by ... Читать далее...
16. A woman, a bus and a babyA woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, «That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!» The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, «The driver has just insulted me!» The man says, «There’s no call ... Читать далее...
17. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, «Do you know what I’m doing?» «Yes,» she replied, ... Читать далее...
18. A man and a woman are on an elevator at the topA man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of the world’s tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cable snaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground. The emergency brakes don’t work, the emergency phone doesn’t work, and they both begin to panic. The woman screams «We’re going to ... Читать далее...
19. Delivering a babyA country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he ... Читать далее...
20. One day shortly after the birth of their new babyOne day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby ... Читать далее...
21. Woman is on a busA woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: «That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.» In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and ... Читать далее...
22. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problemA young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front ... Читать далее...
23. A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get marriedA middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, «Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.» The startled groom says «How can that be? You’ve been married twice…» The bride responds… ... Читать далее...
24. A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly womanA guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I have on my shoulder…I’ll sleep with you.» Guy says: «An alligator?» Woman says: «Close enough»...
25. The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to himThe doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an examination. «Mrs. Brown,» he said, «I have some good news for you.» The woman said, «I’m glad of that doctor, but I’m Miss Brown,» «Miss Brown,» said the doctor without changing expression, «I have bad news for you.»...
26. Fatherly feelingsOne night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she ... Читать далее...
27. Some problemsA woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says: «I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems.» «What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I’ll love it. It’s my child and I’ll love it ... Читать далее...
28. A woman was thinking about finding a petA woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large ... Читать далее...
29. A woman comes homeA woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. «That’s terrible!!!» said her husband, «What would you like to do during your last hours? I’ll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.» «Well,» she said, «First, I want to ... Читать далее...
30. This woman goes into a dentist’s officeThis woman goes into a dentist’s office, after he is through examining her he says: «I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth.» The woman then says with anticipated agony, «Ooooohhhh, I’d rather have a baby!» To which the dentist replies: «Well make up your mind. ... Читать далее...
31. An American woman and an Iranian womanAn American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, «These remind me of my husband’s testicles.» The American woman says, «That big?» The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.»...
32. Scared sleepingShakey went to a psychiatrist. «Doc,» he said, «I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. «you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!» «Just put yourself in my hands for two ... Читать далее...
33. A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctorA woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years. They had the following conversation: Dr.: Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water. Woman: Ok. Dr: Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water. Woman: Ok. Dr.: Take the yellow pill after dinner with ... Читать далее...
34. A carpet layer had just finished installing carpetA carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. «No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,» he said to himself. He proceeded to ... Читать далее...
35. A carpet-layer had just finished installing carpet for a ladyA carpet-layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. «No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,» he said to himself. He proceeded to get ... Читать далее...
36. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded womanA blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: «I don’t want to complain, but I think those ... Читать далее...
37. One night, an 87-year-old womanOne night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to ... Читать далее...
38. An old woman came into her doctors officeAn old woman came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. «I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they’re soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I’ve been here, I’ve farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?» «Here’s a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three ... Читать далее...
39. Types of ViewsAndrea: Help me decide on which type of hotel room To book. George: I want the one with a bed. Andrea: Very funny. We have a choice of different views, and each one is a different price. For instance, a room with a City view is $175 a night and a Panoramic view is $275 ... Читать далее...
40. A woman and her lover are on the bedA woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman’s home, when all of a sudden, they hear the front door open and close. «Oh, no, it’s my husband!» The man says, «Where’s your back door?» «We don’t have a back door» says the woman. The man then asks, «Well, where do you ... Читать далее...