A wise choice

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1. A farmer walked into an attorney office A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?” The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.” The attorney said, “well do you have any grounds?” The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, ” No, […]...
2. A talking horse A travelling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest a few minutes. The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began to boast about his past. “Yes sir, I’m a fine horse. I’ve run in 25 races and won over??5 million. I keep my […]...
3. Travel with a horse An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move. Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond. Once more the farmer […]...
4. A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s […]...
5. A horse and a rabbit A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. He drives the farmer’s Mercedes […]...
6. John Constable John Constable, one of the greatest landscape painters, was born in Sufford, on June 11, 1776. He was the son of a wealthy miller. He began to take interest in landscape painting while he was at grammar school. His father did not favour art as a profession. As a boy Constable worked almost secretly, painting […]...
7. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to […]...
8. Перевод слова farmer Farmer – фермер Перевод слова Cattle farmer – скотовод, владелец животноводческой фермы collective farmer – колхозник truck farmer – огородник They work for a Farmer. Они работают у фермера. The Farmer cut at the snake with a stick. Фермер ударил змею палкой. The Farmer hitched the cart to his best horse. Фермер впряг в телегу […]...
9. A city boy was visiting the country and A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy […]...
10. Broken leg “How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d […]...
11. A life-long city man, tired of the rat race A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. Turns out that his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a […]...
12. Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer: In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes I do know […]...
13. The local courtroom was packed as testimony began The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee. The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, especially since she had been […]...
14. Optimist vs. pessimist A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, […]...
15. Got something “Get this.” said the bloke to his mates, “Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. “Did he get anything.” his mates asked. “yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.”...
16. Значение идиомы on one’s high horse [on one’s high horse] {adj. phr.}, {informal} 1. Acting as if youare better than others; being very proud and scornful. Martha waschairman of the picnic committee, and at the picnic she was on herhigh horse, telling everyone what to do. Mrs. Jones asked to see aless expensive hat. The salesgirl got up on her high […]...
17. That is ONE! A middle aged rancher in pioneer days of old, had growen tired of working so hard to build a beautiful ranch house and huge herd to go with it. So he thought it would be nice to get one of those mail order brides. Well he sent for one and on the day she was […]...
18. It finally dawned “How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone […]...
19. Значение идиомы long shot [long shot] {n.} 1. A bet or other risk taken though not likely tosucceed. The horse was a long shot, but it came in and paid well. Jones was a long shot for mayor. The business long shot thatsucceeds often pays extremely well. 2. See: BY A LONG SHOT....
20. Wise cooking advice This weekend, I discovered a cooking tip I haven’t seen listed in any cookbooks. While you are preparing the food, and after the guests have arrived, you contrive to fill the house up with smoke, preferably enough to get at least two smoke detectors going. Then you go rushing about the house, opening all the […]...
21. Want some chicken? A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH. He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken […]...
22. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” […]...
23. Old farmer Johnson was dying Old farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife, “Maude, when I’m dead and gone… I want you to marry farmer Jones.” “Oh no, I couldn’t marry anyone after you!” Maude replies. “But I want you to, Maude.” “But why?” Maude asks. “Because […]...
24. A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, “I’m Eddie, I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?” No. The second beau came to the door and said, “I’m Joe, I’m here to pick […]...
25. The astronomy jokes NASA just disclosed details why the rover wouldn’t accept any commands. They took a picture of the rover’s built-in display which showed a windows screen and the text “press any key to continue”. It is not conclusive yet, but the NASA believes the Mars Pathfinder has found proof of life on Mars. The cd player […]...
26. Значение идиомы horse trade [horse trade] {n.} 1. The sale of a horse or the exchange of twohorses. It was a horse trade in which the owner of the worse animalgave a rifle to make the trade equal. 2. {informal} A businessagreement or bargain arrived at after hard and skillful discussion. Party leaders went around for months making horse […]...
27. Seems that the traveling salesman was driving in the country Seems that the traveling salesman was driving in the country and his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farm house, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay over night. “Sure,” said the farmer, “my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are 21 and 23 […]...
28. Перевод слова attorney Attorney – поверенный, адвокат Перевод слова Attorney general – главный прокурор штата by attorney – по доверенности to obtain an attorney – получить адвоката You may need to retain an Attorney. Вам, возможно, потребуется нанять адвоката. Their brother was articled to an Attorney. Их брат стажировался у адвоката. I can give you the address of […]...
29. Значение идиомы horse [horse] See: BET ON THE WRONG HORSE, CART BEFORE THE HORSE, CHANGEHORSES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREAM or CHANGE HORSES IN MIDSTREAM, EATLIKE A HORSE, HOLD ONE’S HORSES. IRON HORSE, LOCK THE BARN DOOR AFTERTHE HORSE IS STOLEN, LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH, OFF ONE’S HIGHHORSE, ON ONE’S HIGH HORSE, PUT ONE’S […]...
30. A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked, “If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?” “Hell no!” the guy said. The stranger then asked, “If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used […]...
31. Значение идиомы put an end to [put an end to] or [put a stop to] {v. phr.} 1. To make end; stop; end. The farmer built an electric fence around his fieldto put an end to trespassing. The principal said that running inthe halls was dangerous, and told the teachers to put a stop to it. 2. To destroy or kill. […]...
32. Значение идиомы horse of a different color [horse of a different color] or [horse of another color] {n. phr.},{informal} Something altogether separate and different. Anyone canbe broke, but to steal is a horse of a different color. Do youmean that the boy with that pretty girl is her brother? I thought hewas her boyfriend. Well, that’s a horse of another color....
33. Значение идиомы word to the wise [word to the wise] {n. phr.} A word of warning or advice which theintelligent person is expected to follow. – A proverb. I had oncespoken to him about being late all the time, and thought that a wordto the wise was enough....
34. Last minute requests A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his […]...
35. Значение идиомы not to give quarter [not to give quarter] {v. phr.} 1. To be utterly unwilling to showmercy; not to allow a weaker or defeated party the chance to savethemselves through escape. The occupying foreign army gave noquarter – they took no prisoners, shot everyone, and made escapeimpossible. 2. To argue so forcefully during a negotiation or in acourt of […]...
36. One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were. When one couple arrived he announced “Mickey and Minnie Mouse”. As the next couple arrived he announced “Tarzan and Jane” and so on as each guest arrived. […]...
37. A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast Everybody had to be off the streets or risk being shot. However one citizen was shot at 9.45pm. “Why did you do that?” the soldier was asked by his superior officer. “I know where he lives,” he replied, “and he wouldn’t have made it.”...
38. An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes […]...
39. Perot corn Two farmers were talking at the general store. One farmer says to the other, “Did you hear about that new variety of corn called Perot corn?” The second farmer replies,”No I ain’t.” The first farmer says, “Yeah, it’s a big yielding variety. The stalk don’t grow too big, but the ears are tremendous!”...
40. You could Feed them a lot Faster There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would […]...