A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy

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1. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again […]...
2. A customer walks into a pharmacy A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don’t stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he […]...
3. Getting married Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?” The pharmacist answers, “Yes.” Jacob: […]...
4. At the Pharmacy I went to the Drugstore down the street To fill a prescription at the Pharmacy. I have had some problems with my arm and the doctor prescribed for me a new Medication. I waited in line and when it was my turn, I handed the prescription to the Pharmacist. She told me to come back […]...
5. Over the counter A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, “Do you sell Viagra here?” The pharmacist answers […]...
6. Перевод слова private Private – частный, личный Перевод слова Private dwelling – частное жилье private entrepreneur – частный предприниматель private secretary – личный секретарь for my private use – для моего личного пользования Morris has a Private jet. У Морисса есть личный самолет. I need to speak to you in Private. Мне нужно поговорить с вами наедине. It’s […]...
7. Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of […]...
8. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “В аптеке (At the Pharmacy)” По-английски Перевод на русский Angela: Excuse me! Is there a pharmacy near here? Анжела: Простите! А здесь есть поблизости аптека? Passerby: Yes, there is. If you go down this street and then turn left, you’ll find one. Прохожий: Да. Если пройдете вниз по этой улице, а затем свернете налево, то там увидите ее. Angela: Thank […]...
9. The Director of the Scottish Tartans Museum The Director of the Scottish Tartans Museum, Dr Michael MacDonald was in America. An old lady fixed her gaze on his 17th Century sporran and asked, “What, exactly, do you keep in your scrotum?”...
10. Значение идиомы in private [in private] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} Not openly or in public; apartfrom others; confidentially; secretly. Mr. Jones waited until theywere home in private before he punished his son. The teacher toldSusan that she wanted to talk to her in private after class. Compare:IN SECRET. Contrast: IN PUBLIC....
11. An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, “But you just got a new pair last month!” “Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,” stammered the private. “Accident, what kind of an accident?” […]...
12. A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about the way of life there. REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I’m from the BBC and I’m gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish […]...
13. A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lass said, “A penny for your thoughts.” The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, “Well, I was thinkin’ how nice it would be if ye’d give me a […]...
14. Перевод идиомы in private, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: in private Перевод: наедине, частным образом Пример: The meeting was held in private in the office of the school principal. Собрание прошло за закрытыми дверями в офисе директора школы....
15. Consulting a Pharmacist Pharmacist: Can I help you? Sanaz: Yes, I had some questions for the Pharmacist. Pharmacist: I’m the pharmacist. How can I help you? Sanaz: Can I fill these Prescriptions here? Pharmacist: Yes, you can. Just give those to the Pharmacy technician and she’ll take care of you. Sanaz: The reason I ask is that I’m […]...
16. Partial Dosage An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The pharmacist said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s […]...
17. A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I’m sorry sir, but I am blind, and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order […]...
18. Scotland (4) Today Scotland is part of the United Kingdom and is governed from London. There is a special minister in the Government, the Secretary of State for Scotland, who is responsible for education, local government and other important matters in Scotland. Although the legal education and banking systems are slightly different from those in England, life […]...
19. When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs on his pipe and said, “I have an informal piece of advice for you, Miss Bell. There’s only one way you can get along in this school without submitting to the sexual advances of […]...
20. British Private Education Seven per cent of British schoolchildren go to private schools called independent schools. There are 2,400 independent schools and they have been growing in number and popularity since the mid-1980’s. Parents pay for these schools, and fees vary from about 250 pounds a term for a private nursery to 3,000 pounds a term or more […]...
21. A duck walks into a general store A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,”Got any fresh fruit?” “No.” “Got any fresh vegetables?” “No. We have only canned and dry goods.” The next day, the duck returns. “Got any fresh fruit?” “No.” “Got any fresh vegetables?” “No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If […]...
22. A jealous husband hires a private detective A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get. Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all […]...
23. The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman just passing and said, “Pardon me, miss, do you happen to have the time?” In a strident voice she responded, “How dare you make such a proposition to me?” The man snapped to attention in surprise and was uncomfortable […]...
24. Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks “What’s that mum? ” His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally she came up with the following, “That’s where your dad accidentially hit me […]...
25. A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him. He stops, bangs on the window and says,”So, what does this cost??!!”. And the hooker replies,”25 dollars!!”. And the Pollock said,”Hmm, that’s not a lot of money for insulated windows!!”....
26. A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt. “Reach up there and find out.” She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, “Oh, it’s gruesome!” “Aye, it has,” replied the Scotsman, “and if you put your hand back up there, it’ll grow some more!”...
27. Prescription This woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks “What for?” She says “I want to kill my husband”. He says “Sorry, I can’t do that.” She then reaches inter her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife and hands it […]...
28. One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said “you don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too […]...
29. The Australian liberal party announced today The Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party’s political stance : A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others....
30. A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel. He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was far too expensive. The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was also too expensive. Finally the […]...
31. A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and […]...
32. A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch. “Hi, there, I’m Jerry,” he said, as […]...
33. Перевод слова decision Decision – решение; решимость, твердость Перевод слова Official decision – официальное решение decision criterion – критерий выбора a man of decision – решительный человек Have you made a Decision? Вы приняли решение? I’ll stick with my Decision. Я буду действовать так, как считаю нужным. We made the Decision to accept their offer. Мы решили принять […]...
34. Перевод слова cost Cost – цена, стоимость Перевод слова At cost value – по себестоимости saving in cost – экономия затрат to cost smb. dear – дорого обходиться кому-л. How much does it Cost per kilo? Сколько стоит килограмм? It Cost three dollars. Это стоит три доллара. This mistake Cost him his job. Эта ошибка стоила ему работы....
35. A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, “You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don’t even have a freezer! The Scotsman […]...
36. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little […]...
37. A woman walks into a tattoo parlour A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks ‘Do you do custom work?’ ‘Why of course!’ ‘Good. I’d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.’ ‘No problem,’ says the artist. ‘Strip from the waist down […]...
38. A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he’ll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: “Go stand on the corner for […]...
39. How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours I once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous sentence.” It didn’t sell very well. I thought with the short attention span of people these […]...
40. Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack. “Nah,” says Johnny, “what else do […]...