A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar

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1. The Lion and the Mouse Once when a Lion was asleep a little Mouse began running up and down upon him; this soon wakened the Lion, who placed his huge paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him. “Pardon, O King,” cried the little Mouse: “forgive me this time, I shall never forget it: who knows but […]...
2. Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its […]...
3. Перевод слова lion Lion – лев Перевод слова Lion cub – львенок lion tamer – укротитель львов the lion’s share – львиная доля society lion – светский лев The Lion stalked its prey. Лев преследовал свою добычу. The Lion roared and sprang. Лев зарычал и прыгнул. The Lion has a sinewy body. У львов мускулистые тела. Интересные факты […]...
4. Перевод слова mouse Mouse – мышь Перевод слова As poor as a church mouse – бедный, как церковная мышь to click a mouse button – кликнуть кнопкой мыши cat-and-mouse game – игра в кошки-мышки What’s the plural of ‘Mouse’? Как во множественном числе будет слово “мышь”? The cat laid a dead Mouse at my feet. Кот положил у […]...
5. Значение идиомы play cat and mouse with [play cat and mouse with] {v. phr.} To tease or fool bypretending to let him go free and then catching him again. Joe’suncle had fun playing cat and mouse with him. The policemandecided to play cat and mouse when he saw the woman steal the dress inthe store....
6. A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle […]...
7. Перевод сленгового выражения Mickey Mouse, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: Mickey Mouse Перевод: 1. неважный, пустяковый, незначительный; 2. глупый, простой, неумный Пример: He settled for a Mickey Mouse job instead of something challenging. Он согласился на пустяковую работу вместо чего-то стоящего. His Mickey Mouse assignments soon bored the students. Его простенькие задания скоро надоели всем ученикам....
8. Перевод идиомы lion’s share (of something), значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: lion’s share (of something) Перевод: львиная доля; большая часть чего-либо Пример: I gave the lion’s share of my old CD collection to my neighbor. Я дал львиную долю своих старых CD моему соседу....
9. Перевод идиомы quiet as a mouse, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: quiet as a mouse Перевод: быть очень тихим, молчаливым, робким Пример: The little boy was quiet as a mouse as he moved around the kitchen. Маленький мальчик был очень тих, когда передвигался по кухне....
10. Перевод идиомы play cat and mouse with someone, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: play cat and mouse with someone Перевод: играть в кошки-мышки с кем-либо Пример: The boxer was playing cat and mouse with his opponent although he could have won the match easily. Боксер играл со своим противником в кошки-мышки, хотя он бы мог уже давно легко выиграть матч....
11. There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when […]...
12. Ten Signs That You’re At A Bad Zoo 1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. 2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino […]...
13. A fellow decides to take off early from work A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he […]...
14. I know you were drunk yesterday A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his […]...
15. A game of Animal Football The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. “I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I’ve seen it on T. V.” He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to […]...
16. Значение идиомы poor as a church mouse [poor as a church mouse] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Penniless; broke;extremely poor. The newly arrived boat people were poor as churchmice....
17. Idiots on the computer Any time you feel dumb, don’t worry. Check out the following excerpts from a “Wall Street Journal” article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you. 1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the many calls asking where the “Any” key is. 2. AST […]...
18. A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years. They had the following conversation: Dr.: Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water. Woman: Ok. Dr: Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water. Woman: Ok. Dr.: Take the yellow pill after dinner with […]...
19. One night a man heard howls coming from his basement One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse’s confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The […]...
20. Three couples wanted to join a church Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the […]...
21. Lightbulbs for dinner Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, “My dad’s tougher than your dad!” “Oh yeah?” said Little Johnny, “My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!” “Really?” Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, ‘Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!'”...
22. It is written in the Bible! There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner. After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man. “It’s O. K.,” he replied, “it’s written in […]...
23. An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft. when he spies a field mouse down below him. He dives down and eats the mouse. After a little while the mouse works his way out the eagles butt. Proceeding to look around the mouse says: “Tail gunner to pilot…Tail gunner to pilot..” The eagle says “what […]...
24. One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were. When one couple arrived he announced “Mickey and Minnie Mouse”. As the next couple arrived he announced “Tarzan and Jane” and so on as each guest arrived. […]...
25. Значение идиомы walk out [walk out] {v.} 1. To go on strike. When the company would notgive them higher pay, the workers walked out. 2. To leave suddenly;especially to desert. He didn’t say he wasn’t coming back; he justwalked out. – Often used informally with “on”. The man walked outon his wife and children. Compare: LEAVE FLAT, LEAVE IN […]...
26. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, “That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?” The husband replied “Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.” “That’s nice honey” she replied, “What did it look […]...
27. An elderly couple walk into a doctor office An elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, “Doctor, we want to have a baby.” The doctor replies,”At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.” So the couple comes back a few days later. […]...
28. Finding the Right Wine Antonio: Why are we stopping here? Melanie: We can’t go to the dinner party Empty-handed. We need to bring a bottle of Wine. Antonio: I don’t know anything about wines. You’ll need to pick a bottle. Melanie: I don’t know much about wines, either. I just know we need a good Table wine. Do you […]...
29. A Bachelor Party My best friend, Saul, is getting married. As the Best man, it was up to me to plan a Bachelor party he’d never forget. All of the Groomsmen were Chipping in, so we Went all out. I invited everybody over to my apartment. Instead of going to a Strip club, we hired a Stripper. Before […]...
30. Three mice are sitting in a bar talking Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot and says, “I play with mouse traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it’s closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.” And with […]...
31. Перевод слова load Load – загрузка, груз, ноша, грузить Перевод слова To bear a heavy load – нести тяжелый груз pile bears load – свая несет нагрузку to load a camera – зарядить фотоаппарат working load – рабочая нагрузка His Load impeded him. Ноша обременяла его. He Loaded his gun carefully Он осторожно зарядил свое ружье. It took […]...
32. Setting the Table William: This is a very special dinner. It’s not everyday that I have my bosses over for dinner. It has to be perfect. Martha: I know. Why do you think I took out our best China? Instead of worrying, why don’t you help me Set the table? William: Right. I should make myself useful. Is […]...
33. I will put it into your ass In one day animal’s king lion said: You must get me the circle fruit and I will put it to your ass! Who will not bring it I will kill him! A rabbit has come first! He has brought to lion an apple. When lion put apple into rabbit’s ass rabbit was smiling. Lion surprised […]...
34. A young couple got married, and in their family A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened…but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between […]...
35. There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lion came by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, “How funny would it be to screw the king of the jungle in the ass?” After a moment or two, the gorilla swung into action. He grabbed the lion and […]...
36. An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman’s head. “Yech!” says the woman. “Get some toilet paper.” “What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now.”...
37. Dealing with criminals A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. “You just won’t believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I’ve never seen anything like it.” “Oh yes dear, what happened?” “I came across two guys down by the canal, one […]...
38. Irish Laughs Casey married a rich widow, but they didn’t get along. One day she said to him, “If it wasn’t for my money, that new television wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, that grand piano wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, this house wouldn’t be here.” Casey mumbled, “If it […]...
39. Nothing changed On the eve of the couple’s tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim wife was bragging about her figure. “You know honey,” she said, “I can still get into the skirts I had before we were married.” “Yeah?” the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the ball game on TV. “I wish to […]...
40. A Lutheran minister is driving down A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, “Sir, have you been drinking?” And the minister says, “Just water.” The […]...