A man goes to his bank manager and says

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1. The bank manager was in the final stages of hiringThe bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand was down to two final applicants — one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, «Jim ... Читать далее...
2. Bank TellerBank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, «I want to open a fucking checking account». «Please sir», she replies, «we can’t have language like that in here.» «Why the Fuck not?» he asked. «Sir,» Came her retort, «I must ask you to refrain from swearing.» «I ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова managerManager — управляющий, руководитель, менеджер Перевод слова Manager of distribution — менеджер отдела сбыта branch manager — заведующий отделением, заведующий филиалом campaign manager — руководитель избирательной кампании He was appointed Manager. Его назначили управляющим. He will make a good Manager. Он станет хорошим управляющим. I demand to see the Manager. Я хочу видеть менеджера. Происхождение ... Читать далее...
4. A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewingA Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee’s application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, «For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage.» «Well Sir,» the applicant replies, «the work is so much harder when ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова bankBank — банк Перевод слова Bank borrowings — займы, получаемые в банке counterfeit bank-note — фальшивый банкнот to deposit money in a bank — внести деньги в банк My Bank balance isn’t good. Состояние моего банковского счета оставляет желать лучшего. The Bank bounced the cheque. Банк вернул чек. Our Bank merged with theirs. Наш банк ... Читать далее...
6. I’m at the wrong bankLetterman’s Top Ten Signs You’re Doing Business With The Wrong Bank 10. When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other. 9. After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house begging for toast. 8. Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon. 7. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks ... Читать далее...
7. A bored woman says to her husbandA bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together, «Guess what I have in here and you’ll get some loving tonite.» The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all replies, «An elephant». The wife sez «That’s close enough!»...
8. A manager of a restaurant had called its ownerA manager of a restaurant had called its owner to ask about whether or not she should hire a new waitress. «She can speak twelve different languages, which will be good for foreign visitors,» said the manager. «All right, so hire her,» the owner replied.»But, sir…» «I knew there would be a but. What’s wrong ... Читать далее...
9. Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider thisHusband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston After almost twenty-four hours on the road, They’re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back ... Читать далее...
10. Talking to a Bank TellerBank Teller: Can I help you? Antonio: Yes, I’d like To deposit this Check. Bank Teller: Please fill out a Deposit slip and be sure To endorse the check on the back. Antonio: Here you are. I’ve already filled out a slip and signed the check. I’d also like To cash this other check. Bank ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы laugh all the way to the bank[laugh all the way to the bank] {v. phr.} To have made asubstantial amount of money either by lucky investment or by somefraudulent deal and rejoice over one’s gains. If you had done whatI suggested, you, too, could be laughing all the way to the bank....
12. Значение идиомы bank on[bank on] {v.}, {informal} To depend on; put one’s trust in; rely on. He knew he could bank on public indignation to change things, if he could once prove the dirty work. The students were banking on the team to do its best in the championship game. Syn.: COUNT ON....
13. A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrowA man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow $200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says ‘I’ve got a Rolls Royce — keep it until the loan is paid off — here are the keys.’ Six months later the man comes ... Читать далее...
14. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselvesA man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, «I’m ... Читать далее...
15. Types of Bank AccountsLuiz: Where are you going? Iona: I’m going to the bank to open an account. Luiz: What kind of account: a Savings account, a Checking account, or a CD? Iona: Um, I’m not sure, but I’m sure someone at the bank can help me decide. Luiz: You’ll also need to decide if you want an ... Читать далее...
16. A middle manager is called into his bosses officeA middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the next Monday. «Downsizing.» He’s really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn’t seem fair. So for the next 2 days he ... Читать далее...
17. The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to orderThe manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: «I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.» He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. ... Читать далее...
18. Matt Damon, Ben Affleck paid for auditions from joint bank account«When I look back at that, a 16 and 14 year old, we were really young to be taking the bus by ourselves to New York and spending a day going to an audition — we were living adult lives as teenagers,» Damon said. Matt Damon has revealed that he shared a bank account with ... Читать далее...
19. In a long line of people waiting for a bank tellerIn a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, «Just what the hell you are doing?» «Well,» said the guy, «you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you ... Читать далее...
20. Моя будущая профессия — менеджер/ My Future Profession Is A ManagerНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык My Future Profession Is A Manager Моя будущая профессия — менеджер As the school comes to an end, we need to think about our future career. There are certainly many interesting and worthy professions in the modern world, but I think that people should choose what’s best for ... Читать далее...
21. Opening a Bank AccountI decided to Switch banks recently, and after looking at my options, I Went for Mar Vista National Bank. I Drove over to the bank, parked next to the Drive-through teller lanes, and walked inside. I made my way to the new Accounts desk, and was greeted by John, one of the customer service representatives ... Читать далее...
22. Sweden Blood Bank Texts Donors To Notify Them Whenever Their Blood Helps Save A LifeThough technology may seem like a lifeline for many people today, for Sweden’s blood bank, it is exactly that. Sweden’s blood service notifies donors via text message whenever their blood is used, The Independent reports. The initiative aims to raise awareness for the need for blood donation, which has recently been on the decline. «We ... Читать далее...
23. Getting in an accidentA Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, «So you’re a ... Читать далее...
24. It’s in the BibleA man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, «You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.» The husband said, » You are in charge of cooking around here and ... Читать далее...
25. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunchBill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, «Are you ready to order?» Clinton replies, «Yes, I’d like a quickie.» «A quickie?!?» the waitress replies. «Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is ... Читать далее...
26. One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decidedOne day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each ... Читать далее...
27. A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is toldA man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre’d that there will be at least a twenty minute wait. «Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?», he says. The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, «What’ll it be?» The man replies, «Give me a Stoli with ... Читать далее...
28. Getting Rid of Bugs and RodentsApartment Manager: This is the one-bedroom apartment we have for rent. Let me show you around. Sherin: Wait! Did you see that? It looked like a Mouse or a Rat. Apartment Manager: There aren’t any Rodents or any other Vermin in this Apartment complex. I make sure of that. Sherin: Are you sure? Apartment Manager: ... Читать далее...
29. A guy in a barThe bartender asks him «What’ll you have?». The guy answers, «A scotch, please». The bartender hands him the drink, and says «That’ll be five dollars», to which he replies «What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this». A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, «You ... Читать далее...
30. I don’t owe anything for this drinkThe bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, «What’ll you have?» The guy answers, «A scotch, please.» The bartender hands him the drink, and says «That’ll be five dollars,» to which the guy replies, «What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.» A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, ... Читать далее...
31. A customer sent an order to a distributorA customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, «We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.» The next day ... Читать далее...
32. Bad Japanese economyAccording to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it’s getting worse. Following last week’s news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale, and ... Читать далее...
33. Перевод идиомы have no business (doing something), значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: have no business (doing something) Перевод: не иметь права, основания делать что-либо Пример: The apartment manager has no business asking us about our private business. Управляющий не имеет права спрашивать нас о наших частных делах....
34. Question answer 03What’s the chilliest ground in the premiership? Cold Trafford! How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner! Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was a boxer! What did they call Dracula when he won the league? The champire! Which England player keeps up the fuel supply? Paul ... Читать далее...
35. Do you have an email address?An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager tells him, «You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so ... Читать далее...
36. A man is walking past this house when a used condomA man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock ... Читать далее...
37. Being an EntrepreneurI had lunch today with my friend Sam. She recently quit her job with a large company to Strike out on her own. She has always been an Entrepreneur in small ways, but she decided to start her own business. The Start-up she Launched provided technology Consulting services for small — to Medium-sized Companies. At ... Читать далее...
38. Cow on Train TracksA passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. «What’s going on?» she yells out the window. «Cow on the track!» replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees ... Читать далее...
39. Question answer 01Where do religious school children practice sports? In the prayground! How did the basketball court get wet? The players dribbled all over it! Why did the chicken get sent off? For persistent fowl play! Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game? It was a cup draw! Where ... Читать далее...
40. This young lady, a flighty young thingThis young lady, a flighty young thing, got a job cleaning the bank windows in the evening after the bank closed for business. Anyway, she was up this ladder, cleaning good and proper and as she was in the habit of wearing no knickers, every young man who would come along would stop and stare ... Читать далее...