A man calls his mother in Florida

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1. The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinalsThe Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states, «I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news.» Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them, «Jesus ... Читать далее...
2. What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? An Italian mother says, «If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill you.» A Jewish mother says, «If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill myself.»...
3. Значение идиомы duty calls[duty calls] {n. phr.} One must attend to one’s obligations. «I’d love to stay and play more poker,» Henry said, «but duty calls and I must get back to the office.»...
4. Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one askedDown in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, «Do you ever get to feeling horny?» «Yes,» her friend replied. «What do you do about it?» «I usually suck on a Lifesaver.» After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, «Well, what beach do you go to?»...
5. Перевод идиомы a mummy’s boy / a mama’s boy / a mother’s boy, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: a mummy’s boy / a mama’s boy / a mother’s boy Идиома: a mummy’s boy / a mama’s boy / a mother’s boy Перевод: маменькин сынок Пример: Andrew’s a bit of a mummy’s boy. He finished with his girlfriend because his mother disapproved. В Эндрю есть повадки маменькина сынка. Он расстался со своей девушкой ... Читать далее...
6. Значение идиомы shoot off one’s mouth[shoot off one’s mouth] or [shoot off one’s face] {v. phr.},{slang} To give opinions without knowing all the facts; talk as if youknow everything. Tom has never been to Florida, but he’s alwaysshooting his mouth off about how superior Florida is to California. I want to study the problem before I shoot off my face. ... Читать далее...
7. A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughterA mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: «What does the cow say?» Child: «Moooo!» Mother: «Great! What does the cat say?» Child: «Meow.» Mother: «Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?» And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, «Bud.»...
8. Florida JokesDumb Florida Laws Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just ... Читать далее...
9. A man calls his family doctorA man calls his family doctor: Man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit. Doctor: Ok, bring her in and I’ll try to help. Man: Fine, but whatever you do, don’t cure her....
10. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Отпуск во Флориде» (My Vacation in Florida)— Hello, Jane! You look so fresh and sun-tanned. How was your trip to Florida? They say it’s very beautiful there. — Yes, I’ve just come home, Mark. Oh, I don’t even know where to start! My vacation was awesome! I think I had the time of my life! — Who did you go with? ... Читать далее...
11. A family was having dinner on Mother’s DayA family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. «Nothing,» said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. «Seriously, what’s wrong?» «Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids ... Читать далее...
12. The first engineer calls out to the otherThe first engineer calls out to the other, «Hey—Nice bike! Where did you get it?» «Well,» replies the other, «I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says ‘you can have ANYTHING you want!'» «Good ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова motherMother — мама Перевод слова The loss of his mother — смерть матери foster mother — приемная мать single mother — мать-одиночка Mary pictures her Mother. Мэри очень похожа на мать. He misses his Mother. Он скучает по своей матери. Mother sends her love. Мама передает привет....
14. A mother was teaching her three year old daughterA mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end…»And lead us not into temptation», she prayed, ... Читать далее...
15. Пословица / поговорка he who pays the piper calls the tune — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: he who pays the piper calls the tune Перевод: кто платит волынщику, тот и заказывает песни (т. е. кто платит, тот и распоряжается) Пример: The oil company was paying the expenses for the theater group. However, because he who pays the piper calls the tune they wanted to help decide which plays ... Читать далее...
16. Assault with a deadly weapon: Florida man charged with throwing alligator into Wendy’sAuthorities in Florida have arrested a man accused of throwing a live alligator through a restaurant’s drive-through window. Investigators identified Joshua James, of Jupiter, Fla., as the man who tossed the 3½-foot reptile into a Wendy’s last fall, according to a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission incident report. He faces three charges related to ... Читать далее...
17. Florida — ФлоридаFlorida is one of the USA states. It is located in the south-eastern part of the USA. It is a peninsula territory. The capital of the state is Tallahassee. The total population of Florida is about 16,000,000. It occupies the 4th place in the USA according to the number of citizens. The total area of ... Читать далее...
18. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her motherOne day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, «Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her ... Читать далее...
19. A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is bakingA young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says «Look Momma, I’m a white boy.» His mother slaps him hard On the face and says «Boy, go show your Daddy.» The ... Читать далее...
20. I. R. S. phone callsThe following are actual phone calls made to I. R. S. offices across the United States. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
21. A man answers the phone and has the followingA man answers the phone and has the following conversation: «Yes, mother, I’ve had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult — I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. «Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was ... Читать далее...
22. A mother and her son were flying Southwest AirlinesA mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, «If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?» The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, ... Читать далее...
23. Arkansas Mother Writes Her SonARKANSAS MOTHER WRITES HER SON Dearest Redneck Son, I’m writing this slow because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you ... Читать далее...
24. Annoying phone callsThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A co-worker of mine fielded phone calls from his Alumni Association every three months for about five years, ostensibly checking to see that his records were up to date, and coincidentally asking ... Читать далее...
25. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his motherA young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, «Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.» The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women ... Читать далее...
26. The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting withThe Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, «I want to be a prostitute.» The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground ... Читать далее...
27. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells himSaddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, «Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.» «What did it say on the banners?» Clinton asks. Saddam replies, «Allah is god, god is Allah.» Clinton says, «You know, Saddam, I ... Читать далее...
28. A blonde came running home to her motherA blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. «What’s wrong?» her mum, (another blonde) asked. «My boyfriend’s just dropped me!» wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. «No mum,» the blonde interrupted. «You don’t understand — I can fuck and ... Читать далее...
29. St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of HeavenSt. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, «You were a good woman. I’m giving you a nice halo.» Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the Princess has a much bigger halo. Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, «St. Peter, I spent ... Читать далее...
30. A little nine year old girl was in church with her motherA little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. «Mommy,» she said. «Can we leave now?» «No,» her mother replied. «Well, I think I have to throw up!» «Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.» ... Читать далее...
31. A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks herA nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: «Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it ... Читать далее...
32. A boy comes home from school and tells his motherA boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. «What part?» the mother asked. «I play a Jewish husband,» the boy replied. «Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!»...
33. About my motherDear Caroline, I hope you’re well and I apologise for not having written before. Unfortunately, I haven’t had a lot of time, I have been busy with lessons at school. Anyway, I have read your message and I have known that you interested by my mother! Ooh, first of all, I want to say that ... Читать далее...
34. Перевод слова weakWeak — слабый, бессильный, безвольный Перевод слова Weak drink — слабый напиток weak muscles — слабые мускулы weak constitution — хрупкое сложение He’s Weak in mathematics. Он слаб в математике. She’s too Weak to feed herself. Она слишком слаба, чтобы самостоятельно есть. My grandfather had a Weak heart. У моего деда было слабое сердце....
35. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one dayFather, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, «Mummy, what is that long thing?» His mother replies, «That, son, ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы mouth[mouth] See: BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN ONE’S MOUTH, BUTTERWOULDN’T MELT IN ONE’S MOUTH, BY WORD OF MOUTH, DOWN IN THE DUMPS orDOWN IN THE MOUTH, FOAM AT THE MOUTH, HEART IN ONE’S MOUTH, KEEP ONE’SMOUTH SHUT, LAUGH ON THE WRONG SIDE OF ONE’S MOUTH, LEAVE A BAD TASTEIN ONE’S MOUTH, LIVE FROM HAND ... Читать далее...
37. A mother-daughter conversationA mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she’s a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it’s like for her. Mom: So….now that you have started dating, what’s it like getting intimate with ... Читать далее...
38. Пословица / поговорка the pot calls the kettle black — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: the pot calls the kettle black Перевод: горшок над котлом смеется, а оба черны; горшок котел сажей корил; оба хороши Пример: My friend always criticizes me for being late but that is like the pot calling the kettle black. He himself is the one who is usually late. Мой друг всегда осуждает ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы tied to one’s mother’s apron strings[tied to one’s mother’s apron strings] Not independent of yourmother; not able to do anything without asking your mother. Evenafter he grew up he was still tied to his mother’s apron strings....
40. Mother’s DayТопик День Матери рассказывает об американском национальном празднике, отмечаемом во второе воскресенье мая. Этот праздник был утвержден Конгрессом США в 1914 году, затем он стал отмечаться в Англии и Германии. День Матери празднуют всей семьей, дома или в ресторане. Mother’s Day comes on the second Sunday in May. It is a day when Americans honour ... Читать далее...