A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day

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1. A small boy walks into his mothers room A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless. “Mummy, mummy, what are these?” he says, pointing to her breasts. “Well, son,” she says, “these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven.” Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two […]...
2. Eating a Family Dinner My roommate, Jim, invited me over to his house for a family meal. I’m an only child, so I’m not used to a big family dinner. I felt like a Fish out of water. … Jim’s mother: Sit down, everybody. Dinner’s ready. Phil: Thank you for Having me over, Mrs. Moreno. Jim’s mother: Don’t mention […]...
3. Getting Advice from Mothers-in-Law Marc: Who was that? Carla: It was your mother – again. She wanted to give me another piece of Unsolicited advice about Housekeeping. She’s called five times this week already. Marc: She’s just trying to be helpful. Carla: I wish she’d do it without being so Critical. I feel like she enjoys Finding fault with […]...
4. Finding the Perfect Gift Fae: Help! I still need to buy a Gift for my mother and I can’t seem to think of the perfect Present, something that’ll really Knock her socks off. Pablo: Why don’t you just get her a Gift certificate or a Gift card? That way, she can Pick out her own gift. Fae: Oh, she […]...
5. Finding the Perfect Gift Fae: Help! I still need to buy a Gift for my mother and I can’t seem to think of the perfect Present, something that’ll really Knock her socks off. Pablo: Why don’t you just get her a Gift certificate or a Gift card? That way, she can Pick out her own gift. Fae: Oh, she […]...
6. Mother’s Day Топик День Матери рассказывает об американском национальном празднике, отмечаемом во второе воскресенье мая. Этот праздник был утвержден Конгрессом США в 1914 году, затем он стал отмечаться в Англии и Германии. День Матери празднуют всей семьей, дома или в ресторане. Mother’s Day comes on the second Sunday in May. It is a day when Americans honour […]...
7. Топик “День матери в Англии” (Mother’s Day in England) Словарь Possible [ˈpɒsɪb(ə)l] – возможный; To thank [θæŋk] – благодарить; Everywhere [ˈevrɪ veri] – везде, повсюду; Try to be – стараться. To honor [ˈɒnə(r)] – чествовать; Almost [ˈɔːlməʊst] – почти; America and England celebrate an wonderful holiday. It is Mother`s Day. There is almost the same holiday on the 8th March in Russia. Mother`s Day […]...
8. Describing Family Relations Eri: What’s that? James: It’s an invitation to a Family reunion. Once every five years or so, someone in the family organizes one. Eri: Are you going? James: I’m not sure. It’s always a little awkward seeing Extended family. Did you know that there used to be a big Feud between my father and his […]...
9. A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along very well, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartment for a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, he asked if he could give her an old fashioned […]...
10. Types of Families Patricia: Okay, we’re nearly done setting up for the neighborhood party. I got some Nametags with “father,” “mother,” and “kids” printed on them, with a space for people to write their names. It’ll be easier for people to introduce themselves and make friends. Ed: The nametags are a good idea, but we have to keep […]...
11. Life as a thing Life is so interesting thing…. when i was 3 years i always ask her play game with me. i was so small and also i was sweat. Now i am 13 years old, i really grow up.. at the moment i am studying chinese in China. I have a dream be with my mother very […]...
12. My Family I am Zhilin Andrey. Andrey is my name and Zhilin is my surname. I am seventeen years old. I want to tell you a few words about my family. My family is not large. I have got mother, father and grandmother. There are four of us in the family. First of all some words about […]...
13. A talking bird One man wanted to make a special gift for his mother on the Mother’s day. He run out of ideas but then found a pet shop where was birds that could sing, talk and dance. The price was 5 thousand dollars, but he bought two of them and send to his mother as a surprise. […]...
14. At a dinner party, one of the guests At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: ‘Is this pig?’ Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: ‘Which end of the […]...
15. A Family Road Trip Our family decided to take a Road trip across the country this year. The kids were really excited and my oldest son wanted to help Navigate. Before the trip, we looked at the Road maps and decided on our Route and the Points of interest we would try to see. Since we wouldn’t be taking […]...
16. Running a Family-Owned Business When I took over the family business three years ago, I didn’t know what I was Letting myself in for. My uncle, who ran the business before me, established a cLear chain of command, which I thought would Eliminate infighting and Bickering. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Despite Clear lines of authority, family members […]...
17. My Family. (var. 2) There are 4 of us in our family: my mother, father, my elder brother and me. I think our family is friendly and united. We spend much time together, hike, visit theaters, museums, go to the cinema. My mother’s name is Luidmila Mikhailovna. She is an engineer, she works in an office. She is a […]...
18. Hiring an accountant Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, “What is three times seven?” “Twenty-two,” Kowalski replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to […]...
19. Finding the right answers Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question to ask and that he shouldn’t ask it again. He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she wouldn’t answer the question and that he shouldn’t […]...
20. Family Problems Some people like big families, while others think that small families are better. As someone has rightly said: “The family is the nucleus of civilization”. A person’s upbringing and education starts in his or her family and it is in the family that values, norms and ideas are communicated from generation to generation. Families can […]...
21. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her […]...
22. Перевод слова gift Gift – подарок, дар Перевод слова At this price it’s a gift! – за такую цену это просто подарок generous gift – щедрый подарок graduation gift – подарок к окончанию учебного заведения The family made a Gift of his paintings to the museum. Семья отдала его картины в дар музею. She has the rare Gift […]...
23. Roles Within a Family Larissa: I’m really nervous about meeting your family. Vince: You don’t need to be. They’ll love you and you’ll Fit right in. Larissa: Okay, but I want to make sure I know everyone I’ll be meeting. Your Grandmother Celine is the Matriarch of the family and your Uncle Nick is the Black sheep of the […]...
24. Family sex TO MY DEAR WIFE, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The followingis a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too […]...
25. A blonde came running home to her mother A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. “What’s wrong?” her mum, (another blonde) asked. “My boyfriend’s just dropped me!” wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. “No mum,” the blonde interrupted. “You don’t understand – I can fuck and […]...
26. A Jewish Mother Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You’re going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn’t leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I […]...
27. Значение идиомы gift of gab [gift of gab] or [gift of the gab] {n. phr.}, {informal} Skill intalking; ability to make interesting talk that makes people believeyou. Many men get elected because of their gift of gab. Mr. Taylor’s gift of gab helped him get a good job....
28. Family Life in Britain – Семейная жизнь в Британии A “typical” British family used to consist of mother, father and two children. But in recent years there have been many changes in family life. For example, since the law made it easier to get a divorce, the number of divorces has increased. That’s why 24% of British children live with only one parent, usually […]...
29. Problems Getting Along With Family Oscar: So you’re back from your mother’s birthday dinner. How was it? Priscilla: Same old, same old. It isn’t a family gathering without a major Meltdown or Blowup. Oscar: Yikes, what happened? Priscilla: You know how it is. It starts out with Bickering and somebody Taking offense at some Slight or Dig, or bringing up […]...
30. Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry Son, your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.” The next night, its fathers turn to do the job. “Son, your father will […]...
31. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
32. Father’s Day Топик День отца рассказывает о празднике США, впервые праздновавшемся в 1909 году в городе Спокан, штата Вашингтон, как выражение признательности всем заботливым отцам Америки, участвующим в воспитании своих детей. Сейчас День отца празднуется в 3-е воскресенье июня. Все американцы в этот день посылают своим отцам подарки или открытки с готовым текстом, подобранным именно к этому […]...
33. About the family – О семье Our family is neither big nor small. I have a mother, a father and a sister. We live together in a flat in one of the industrial districts of Kharkiv. We are an average family. My father Ihor Ivanovych is 45 years old. He is a tall and well-built man with short black hair and […]...
34. My Family – Моя семья (2) We are a family of four: my father, my mother, my younger brother and I. My name is Olga. I am seventeen. I am a school leaver. My younger brother is ten. He is a pupil of the fifth form. Our family lives in Moscow. We have a nice three-roomed flat. We have all modern […]...
35. Lightbulbs for dinner Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, “My dad’s tougher than your dad!” “Oh yeah?” said Little Johnny, “My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!” “Really?” Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, ‘Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!'”...
36. Conversation over dinner Conversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not – don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) […]...
37. Dinner prepared by kids A Thanksgiving Cookbook by Mrs. Geraghty’s Kindergarten Class NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Ivette – Banana Pie You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it. Russell – Turkey You cut the […]...
38. The last words A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said, “My father’s dead, Miss.” “Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?” “He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and collapsed.”...
39. Two nuns go to a restaurant to have dinner Two nuns go to a restaurant to have dinner. They notice Rocky Mountain Oysters on the menu and wondered what that was. They ask the waiter who replies “Oh Sister, those are nuts.” She answers “Do you mean like the kind you crack with a rock?” “No. The kind you rock on a crack.”...
40. A young couple got married, and in their family A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened…but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between […]...