A failed attempt

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1. Little Johnny comes home from schoolLittle Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that «Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,» and would his mother,»please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.» So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, ... Читать далее...
2. Mom, can little girls have babies?Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, «Mommy, can little girls have babies?» «No», said his mom, «of course not.» Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, «It’s okay, we can play that game again!»...
3. Перевод слова tissueTissue — бумажная салфетка; ткань, паутина Перевод слова Feathery tissue — легкая ткань tissue of lies — паутина лжи splenetic tissue — ткани селезенки toilet tissue — туалетная бумага She scrubbed at her face with a Tissue. Она чистила свое лицо салфеткой. Polish the lenses with a piece of Tissue. Протрите линзы куском ткани. These ... Читать далее...
4. Like father like sonLittle Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what’s going on. He tells his mother «Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better.» «Johnny you ... Читать далее...
5. Little Johnny’s mother decided to giveLittle Johnny’s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, «Johnny. This is where you come from.» Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as «Lucky Johnny.» ... Читать далее...
6. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noisesLate one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked ... Читать далее...
7. Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirthLittle Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, «How was I born?» «The stork brought you to us.» «Oh,» said Little Johnny. «Well, how did you and daddy get born?» he asked. «Oh, the stork brought us too.» «So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?» «Well, darling, the stork ... Читать далее...
8. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycleFor his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, «Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.» The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front ... Читать далее...
9. A little nine year old girl was in church with her motherA little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. «Mommy,» she said. «Can we leave now?» «No,» her mother replied. «Well, I think I have to throw up!» «Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.» ... Читать далее...
10. Little Johnny had become a real nuisanceLittle Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself…television, ice cream, homework, video games…but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the ... Читать далее...
11. Little Johnny sat playing in the gardenLittle Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. «No, Johnny! Stop! That’s horrible! You can’t eat worms!» Trying to convince him further, «Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm.» «No, she ... Читать далее...
12. One summer evening during a violent thunderstormOne summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, «Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?» The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. «I can’t dear,» she said. «I ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы vanishing cream[vanishing cream] {n.} A cosmetic cream for the skin that is usedchiefly before face powder. Mrs. Jones spread vanishing cream onher face before applying her face powder....
14. Grandpa and Little Johnny are sittingGrandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, «Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?» Grandpa looks at him and says «No Johnny, I will not.» «But Grandpa, why?» asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. «Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you ... Читать далее...
15. Little Johnny — being logicalLittle Johnny A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, «little boy is your mother home?» Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, «what do you think?»...
16. At a grocery storeA man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, «No.» The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, «Now Monica, we just have ... Читать далее...
17. Little Johnny was late for schoolLittle Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, «Why are you late little Johnny?» Johnny replied, «My grandpa got burnt, Miss.» The teacher replied, «I hope it wasn’t too bad.» Then little Johnny said, «Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t muck around!»...
18. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroomLittle Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little ... Читать далее...
19. A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is bakingA young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says «Look Momma, I’m a white boy.» His mother slaps him hard On the face and says «Boy, go show your Daddy.» The ... Читать далее...
20. Little Johnny catches his parents going at itLittle Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, «Hey, Pop! What are you doin’?» His father says, «Son, I’m filling your mother’s tank.» Johnny says, «Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning.»...
21. Where is the French border?«Why do you look so glum today?», the teacher asked young Johnny. «I didn’t have no breakfast,» Johnny mumbled. «You poor dear,» said the teacher. «Now, to return to our geography lesson, Johnny, where is the French border?» «In bed with my mom. That’s why I didn’t have no breakfast.»...
22. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, «Do you know what I’m doing?» «Yes,» she replied, ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы in one’s face[in one’s face] {adv. phr.} 1. Against your face. The trickcigar blew up in the clown’s face. A cold wind was in our faces aswe walked to school. 2. In front of you. The maid slammed the doorin the salesman’s face. I told the boys that they were wrong, butthey laughed in my face. Compare: ... Читать далее...
24. Everything we needA young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, «oh miss, oh ... Читать далее...
25. The last wordsA teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said, «My father’s dead, Miss.» «Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?» «He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and collapsed.»...
26. Little Johnny was in class againLittle Johnny was in class again. Teacher asked everyone «Can anyone tell me a sentence with the word definitely in it?» Meg puts up her hand.»The sky is definitely blue.» «Thats not bad, Meg,» says the teacher, «but the sky can be grey or red.» Young Sally tried :»The grass is definitely green.» «Good try ... Читать далее...
27. A vacationing penguin is driving through ArizonaA vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. ... Читать далее...
28. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
29. Перевод слова creamCream — сливки, крем Перевод слова Cream biscuit — печенье с кремом almond cream — миндальный крем cream of champagne — пена шампанского sour cream — сметана Cream has a high fat content. У крема высокая жирность. Whip the Cream until thick. Взбейте сливки до загустения. The Cream rinses off easily. Крем легко смывается....
30. Значение идиомы hatchet face[hatchet face] {n.} A long narrow face with sharp parts; also, aperson with such a face. Johnny was sent to the principal’s officebecause he called his teacher old hatchet face. He washatchet-faced and not at all handsome....
31. The train has failedA large two engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. «No problem,» the engineer thought, and carried on at half power. Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the ... Читать далее...
32. Little Johnny was in his math’s class one dayLittle Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. «If I gave you $20,» the teacher began,» and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?» «An orgy,» Johnny answered....
33. Little Johnny is coming home from the storeLittle Johnny’s is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket. Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, «This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny.» He walks up to Little Johnny and says, ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы in the face of[in the face of] {adv. phr.} 1. When met or in the presence of;threatened by. He was brave in the face of danger. She began tocry in the face of failure. 2. Although opposed by; without beingstopped by. Talking continued even in the face of the teacher’scommand to stop. Syn.: IN SPITE OF. Compare: FLY ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы lose sight of[lose sight of] {v. phr.} 1. Not to be able to see any longer. Ilost sight of Mary in the crowd. I watched the plane go higher andhigher until I lost sight of it. Contrast: CATCH SIGHT OF. 2. Toforget; overlook. Johnny was so interested in the game he lostsight of the time. No matter ... Читать далее...
36. Anybody Home?A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, «Hello?» Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, «Is ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова ice-creamIce-cream — мороженое, кремовый Перевод слова Pistachio ice-cream — фисташковое мороженое premium ice-cream — мороженое высшего сорта ice-cream suit — костюм кремового цвета ice cream vendor — торговец мороженным He was a vanilla Ice-cream man. Он был большим любителем ванильного мороженого. Can I have a lick of your Ice-cream? Можно я разок лизну твое мороженое? ... Читать далее...
38. One day a little boy over heard his parentsOne day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing, «You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!» The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out ... Читать далее...
39. Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bedLittle Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, «Whatcha doin’ Daddy?» Johnny’s dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. «Oh, I’m just ... Читать далее...
40. One day a teacher was teaching religionOne day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class «What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?» Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. «I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of ... Читать далее...