A dog for a wife

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1. A marine general, an army general and a navy admiralA marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, «Alright, I’ll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!» The private reports as ordered, «Yes sir?» The general says, «See that man over there? Kill him!» Without ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова saluteSalute — приветствие, здороваться; салют Перевод слова I salute you! — приветствую вас! to salute with the sword — отдавать честь шашкой parting salute — прощальное приветствие royal salute — салют из двадцати одного орудия I gave him a smart Salute. Я энергично его поприветствовал. He Saluted his wife with a gentle kiss. Он приветствовал ... Читать далее...
3. President Clinton, returning from a campaign stopPresident Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip — a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. «I’d salute ... Читать далее...
4. Значение идиомы good evening[good evening] {interj.} Hello or goodbye. — Used as a formalgreeting or salute when you meet or leave someone in the evening. When the TV program began, an announcer appeared and said, «Goodevening, everyone.» Finally Aunt May stood up and said, «I willnot sell the house. Good evening, Mr. Flynn. «...
5. The wife of an older man is distraughtThe wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, «listen, I don’t do this for ... Читать далее...
6. My men are very braveGeneral McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: «So how are your men?» «Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie.» «I hope ... Читать далее...
7. A husband and wife are on a nudist beachA husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова marineMarine — морской Перевод слова Marine engineering — кораблестроение marine boiler — судовой котел marine cable — морской кабель He dishonored the uniform and did not deserve to be a Marine. Он опозорил честь мундира, и недостоин быть в рядах морской пехоты. Marine insurance is governed by a strict series of rules and regulations. Морское ... Читать далее...
9. The couple was dining out when the wife noticedThe couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. «Elliot,» she said, pointing «do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?» The husband looked over and nodded. «Well,» the woman continued, «he’s been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!» The husband returned ... Читать далее...
10. The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full paradeThe Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly. «Colonel!» he spat out. «Yes, general!» the colonel quavered. «Your troops, your troops,» stormed the general. «They look very nice, they stand ... Читать далее...
11. The wife is not speaking to meOne night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. «What’s the matter?» the bartender asks. «My wife and I got into a fight,» explained the guy «and now she isn’t talking to me for a ... Читать далее...
12. During the Vietnam warDuring the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle. «Didn’t you hear me say that we’re outnumbered 4 to 1 ?» The Marine replied, «I got my four Sir.»...
13. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversaryA man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, «When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?» The husband replied, «All I wanted to do ... Читать далее...
14. How to be a Good WifeExcerpted from a 1950’s high school home economics textbook Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal—on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the ... Читать далее...
15. A big-game hunter went on safari with his wifeA big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in — law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова agreeAgree — соглашаться Перевод слова To agree on conditions — оговорить условия to agree to an exchange — соглашаться на обмен to agree reluctantly — неохотно соглашаться to agree on all points — договориться по всем пунктам All Agree. Все согласны. I Agree with you. Я с вами согласен. Agreed! Разг. решено!, по рукам! We ... Читать далее...
17. Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one dayArnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы snap up[snap up] {v.}, {informal} To take or accept eagerly. Eggs wereon sale cheap, and the shoppers snapped up the bargain. Mr. Hayestold Bob that he would take him skiing, and Bob snapped up the offer....
19. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wifeA 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the ... Читать далее...
20. A sailor and a marine are taking a pissA sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The marine finishes first and washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine says to him: hey, in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss. The sailor says: yeah well, in ... Читать далее...
21. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-upAn old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, «So how has life been treating you?» The old man replies,»The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when ... Читать далее...
22. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова privatePrivate — частный, личный Перевод слова Private dwelling — частное жилье private entrepreneur — частный предприниматель private secretary — личный секретарь for my private use — для моего личного пользования Morris has a Private jet. У Морисса есть личный самолет. I need to speak to you in Private. Мне нужно поговорить с вами наедине. It’s ... Читать далее...
24. Recruiting any and all pilotsThe chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a ... Читать далее...
25. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one nightA farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,»Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.» His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, «Mother, if this ... Читать далее...
26. A husband and wife were in their back yardA husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her expanding backside. He commented, «Boy, your ass is getting big. almost as big as the gas grill here.» She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, «Yep, that thing is getting huge.» At this, the wife retreated to the ... Читать далее...
27. Wife-taming methodTwo married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, «You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. ... Читать далее...
28. On their wedding night the husband was so selfOn their wedding night the husband was so self — conscious about the smallness of his penis that before undressing, he snapped off the light. Once he was in bed, he unzipped his pants and handed his member to his bride. «That’s thoughtful, darling,» she cooed, «but we’ll need the light if you want to ... Читать далее...
29. Значение идиомы in the dark[in the dark] {adj. phr.} 1. In ignorance; without information. John was in the dark about the job he was being sent to. If thegovernment controls the news, it can keep people in the dark on anytopic it chooses. Mary had a letter from Sue yesterday, but shewas left in the dark about Sue’s plans ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы day and night[day and night] or [night and day] {adv.} 1. For days without stopping; continually. Syn.: AROUND THE CLOCK. Some filling stations on great highways are open day and night 365 days a year. The three men took turns driving the truck, and they drove night and day for three days. 2. Every day and every ... Читать далее...
31. The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his ownThe man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman just passing and said, «Pardon me, miss, do you happen to have the time?» In a strident voice she responded, «How dare you make such a proposition to me?» The man snapped to attention in surprise and was uncomfortable ... Читать далее...
32. Shopping with My WifeOne thing I Dread more than anything else is going Clothes shopping with my wife. It’s not that I don’t like helping her buy new clothes. It’s just that I have no Fashion sense. My wife always asks me, “What do you think of this one?” and I always answer with something like: “That’s nice” ... Читать далее...
33. Shopping with My WifeOne thing I Dread more than anything else is going Clothes shopping with my wife. It’s not that I don’t like helping her buy new clothes. It’s just that I have no Fashion sense. My wife always asks me, “What do you think of this one?” and I always answer with something like: “That’s nice” ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы dark horse[dark horse] {n.}, {informal} A political candidate little known to the general voting public; a candidate who was not expected to run. Every once in a while a dark horse candidate gets elected President....
35. I think I try a nicer approachEvery night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let ... Читать далее...
36. Перевод слова generalGeneral — общий, повсеместный, главный Перевод слова General meeting — общее собрание as a general rule — обычно, как правило general opinion — общее мнение The practice threatens to become General. Этот обычай грозит стать всеобщим. There was a General disposition to remain. Большинство хотело остаться. In General people like her. Обычно она людям нравится....
37. Three wishesIt was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, when they saw a bush with a pig’s ass popping out. The first man says, «I wish that was Demi Moore’s Ass» The second man says, «I wish that was Pamela Anderson’s Ass.» Then the third man says, «I wish ... Читать далее...
38. Great School Humor«I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.» — Groucho Marx 1890-1977 — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
39. When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacherWhen the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs on his pipe and said, «I have an informal piece of advice for you, Miss Bell. There’s only one way you can get along in this school without submitting to the sexual advances of ... Читать далее...
40. The new hooker had just finished her first trickThe new hooker had just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details. She said, «Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine.» «Well? What did he want to do?» they all asked. She said, «I told him that a ... Читать далее...