A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife

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1. A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his homeA hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, «When did you bag him?» The host said proudly, «That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.» «What’s he stuffed with,» asked the visiting hunter. «My ex-wife» ... Читать далее...
2. Jonesie The Great Lion HunterA small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its ... Читать далее...
3. There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a riverThere was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lion came by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, «How funny would it be to screw the king of the jungle in the ass?» After a moment or two, the gorilla swung into action. He grabbed the lion and ... Читать далее...
4. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball gamePresident Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, «Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!». She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks ... Читать далее...
5. A wife begins to get a little worried becauseA wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. «What happened?» says the wife. «You should have been ... Читать далее...
6. A game of Animal FootballThe animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. «I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I’ve seen it on T. V.» He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to ... Читать далее...
7. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husbandAll of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, «What was that for?» Wife said, «Because, you are a bad fuck». Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, «And may I ask what’s that about?» Husband said, » ... Читать далее...
8. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversaryA man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, «When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?» The husband replied, «All I wanted to do ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова hunterHunter — охотник Перевод слова Hunter after glory — искатель славы curio hunter — охотник за древностями fortune hunter — охотник за богатством The Hunter discharged his gun into the air. Охотник выстрелил в воздух. Loosing off his last arrow, the Hunter prayed that the deer would fall. Выпуская последнюю стрелу, охотник молился о том, ... Читать далее...
10. An old retired man goes to his wife one dayAn old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, «I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.» The wife says, «No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.» Husband replies, «Our savings are all gone and you ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова job-hunterJob-hunter — соискатель, ищущий работу Перевод слова We provide Job-hunters with the complete information both about the vacancy and the company. Мы обеспечиваем соискателей исчерпывающей иформацией как о вакансии, так и о компании. Whichever way I look at you, you’re a zero offer Job hunter. В таком виде ты не получишь предложений по работе. Происхождение ... Читать далее...
12. A husband and wife were out playing golfA husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in ... Читать далее...
13. A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the gameA Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, «Yes, that’s my wife’s seat. We have never missed a game since ... Читать далее...
14. A famous surgeon went on a safari in AfricaA famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. «Oh, it was very disappointing,» he said. «I didn’t kill a thing. I’d have been better off staying here in the hospital.»...
15. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunkThere was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, «ATTENTION ALL» and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says» Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.» The drunks replies,» I’m sorry I ... Читать далее...
16. A hungry lion was roaming through the jungleA hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle ... Читать далее...
17. A husband and wife are on a nudist beachA husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the ... Читать далее...
18. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husbandA wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, «You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!» Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, ... Читать далее...
19. A construction worker came home just in time to find his wifeA construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, «Stop! ... Читать далее...
20. A husband and wife were in their back yardA husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her expanding backside. He commented, «Boy, your ass is getting big. almost as big as the gas grill here.» She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, «Yep, that thing is getting huge.» At this, the wife retreated to the ... Читать далее...
21. The young wife was in tears when she opened the doorThe young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. «I’ve been insulted,» she sobbed. «Your mother insulted me.» «My mother!» he exclaimed. «But she is a hundred miles away.» «I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it.» He looked stern, «I see, but where ... Читать далее...
22. Man and wife at the zooIt’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one ... Читать далее...
23. Marriage quotes 05Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action. — Catch-22 Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat. Don’t marry for money; ... Читать далее...
24. A man was taking his wifeA man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, «Don’t worry, everybody ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы play the game[play the game] {v. phr.}, {informal} To obey the rules; do right;act fairly. «That’s not playing the game,» we told him when hewanted to desert his wife. «Oh, let’s play the game,» he said, when his partner suggested a way to keep from paying some of theirdebts. Your parents want you to play the game ... Читать далее...
26. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one nightA farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,»Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.» His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, «Mother, if this ... Читать далее...
27. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
28. A difficult golf gameRobert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late. His wife asks him, «What took you so long?» The guy says, «That was the worst game of golf I’ve ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack.» ... Читать далее...
29. A wife was berating her husbandA wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, «Don’t unleash the beast in me.» The wife snickered and replied, «Unlike a lot of women, ‘dear’, I’m not the least bit afraid of a mouse.»...
30. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wifeA 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the ... Читать далее...
31. The wife of an older man is distraughtThe wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, «listen, I don’t do this for ... Читать далее...
32. The couple was dining out when the wife noticedThe couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. «Elliot,» she said, pointing «do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?» The husband looked over and nodded. «Well,» the woman continued, «he’s been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!» The husband returned ... Читать далее...
33. Not that my wife is the jealous type or anything, but one day at workNot that my wife’s the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. ... Читать далее...
34. A man and wife entered aA man and wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, «I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.» You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her ... Читать далее...
35. The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a newThe wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. «After all, dear,» she said to her husband, «you wouldn’t expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?» «No,» her husband replied. «Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver.»...
36. A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified toA wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving along ... Читать далее...
37. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wifeA concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, «Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.» «Well,» the doctor replied, «go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say ... Читать далее...
38. Parks And Recreation’s fake game Cones Of Dunshire is now a real game (kind of)With his love of Game Of Thrones, Star Trek, and everything else the Internet holds dear, Parks And Recreation’s Ben Wyatt has become something of an icon for America’s nerderati. So it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that Mayfair Games, the company that makes Settlers Of Catan, took the time to make an ... Читать далее...
39. A man was playing a game of golfA man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says «thank ... Читать далее...
40. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good lookingA young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, «Stop making love down there!» «What’s the matter with you?» the husband said when the sailor climbed down. «We weren’t making love.» «Sorry,» said the sailor, «From ... Читать далее...