ZipperGate Update

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1. Love handles One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out. “Greetings, Miss Lewinsky,” the genie said. “Since you have released me, […]...
2. Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky? Pres: Improper? … Ain’t nothing improper about that. That was one of the the sweetest interns I’ve ever had....
3. Interesting things about Monica Lewinsky Interesting things about Monica Lewinsky: – Nobody would know about her if it weren’t for Bill – She sucks – She blows – She’s bloated – She’s the focus of a huge legal battle – She’ll go down in a heartbeat Who does she think she is, Microsoft Windows?...
4. Перевод слова prior Prior – прежний, предшествующий; более важный Перевод слова Prior obligation – прежнее обязательство prior claim – преимущественное требование prior creditor – привилегированный кредитор The book had been enjoined Prior to publication. Книгу запретили еще до ее выхода в свет. This Agreement supersedes all Prior agreements. Данное соглашение отменяет все предыдущие соглашения. This step presupposes two […]...
5. Перевод слова drill Drill – сверлить, бурить; сверло Перевод слова Dentist’s drill – бормашина hammer drill – ручная электрическая дрель с перфоратором to drill for oil – бурить нефтяные скважины I want to keep my Drill handy. Я хочу иметь дрель под рукой. Drill a hole in each corner. Просверлите отверстия в каждом углу. Can you work an […]...
6. Book shelf Monica Lewinsky’s tell-all book about her affair with the U. S. President has, for one Winnipeg Chapters outlet, not sold all that well after its first day on the shelves, as reported by CBC Radio News. To draw attention to the book, or to perhaps add some perspective, the Lewinksy book had three other titles […]...
7. Defending Your Ideas at Work Monica: That’s why I don’t think it’s Doable. We should consider other ideas. … That was Monica. She’s my co-worker and my Nemesis. She Criticizes all of my ideas, but I’ve learned that the best Defense is to not get Defensive. … Kazuya: I appreciate your Feedback. I understand your Reservations, but let me show […]...
8. It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations It seems that Ken Starr is dropping all sexual allegations against President Clinton. It all stems from the Paula Jones case. The spokesperson remarked that it would be impossible for a woman with a six inch nose to give a blow job to a person with a three inch dick....
9. Showing Off a New Purchase Monica: Wow, Check you out! When did you buy a new car? Kevin: This isn’t just any new car. It’s a Ferrari. Monica: I can see that. It must have Set you back a few. Kevin: Yeah, but it was Worth it. You should see the looks I get riding around in this Baby. My […]...
10. Showing Off a New Purchase Monica: Wow, Check you out! When did you buy a new car? Kevin: This isn’t just any new car. It’s a Ferrari. Monica: I can see that. It must have Set you back a few. Kevin: Yeah, but it was Worth it. You should see the looks I get riding around in this Baby. My […]...
11. Clinton is in Heaven President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “It’s me, Bill Clinton”. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. And I lied, but I didn’t commit […]...
12. Перевод слова evidence Evidence – наглядность, доказательство Перевод слова Climatological evidence – климатологические данные to adduce evidence in support of… – приводить доказательства в поддержку… to dig out the evidence – откопать улики Evidence cannot be hidden. Очевидность нельзя спрятать. There is no Evidence for these claims. Нет никаких доказательств для этих утверждений. The Evidence are inconclusive. Доказательства […]...
13. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and […]...
14. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, “Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!”. She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks […]...
15. At a grocery store A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Monica, we just have […]...
16. Acronyms for Clinton Clinton: (C)razed (L)ow-class (I)diot (N)ow (T)aking (O)ver (N)ation Clinton: (C)razy (L)iberal (I)ntent (O)n (N)eedlessly (T)rashing (O)ur (N)ation Clinton: (C)learly (L)oose (I)nternal (N)avigation (T)echniques (O)ccupy (N)ever-Neverland Clinton: (C)ompulsive (L)iar (I)s (N)ation’s (T)op (O)fficial (N)ow Clinton: (C)omplete (L)oser (I)n (N)ow (T)errorizing (O)ur (N)ation Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies Gore: (G)ennifer’s (O)nly (R)emaining (E)nterprise Gore: (G)reatly […]...
17. A good student It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his […]...
18. Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff […]...
19. Helping this country One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the […]...
20. Ghosts in a White House One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Clinton asked. “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. “Tom, […]...
21. Перевод слова receivable Receivable – приемлемый, надлежащий к получению Перевод слова Goods not in a receivable condition – товары в негодном для приемки состоянии accounts receivable – дебиторы по расчетам receivable evidence – доказательство, принимаемое судом receivable testimony – допустимые свидетельские показания trade account receivable – счет расчетов с покупателями Hearsay evidence is not Receivable. Показания, основанные на […]...
22. Clinton country A guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV go’s on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells, “There’s a horses ass” A guy gets up and punches him.. And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said […]...
23. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, “Are you ready to order?” Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.” “A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is […]...
24. Перевод слова independent Independent – независимый Перевод слова Independent conclusion – самостоятельный вывод independent workman – частный ремесленник independent research – независимое исследование I can understand her wanting to live alone and be Independent. Я могу понять ее желание жить одной и быть независимой. She is a strong-minded, Independent woman. Она сильная, независимая женщина. I determined upon an […]...
25. Showing Disapproval and Sympathy Maggie: Why the Long face? Joe: I just heard that I won’t be rehired for next year. Maggie: That’s awful! What a rotten thing for the management to do. Joe: I’ll be okay, but Monica is losing her job, too. Maggie: Oh no, not Monica, too. I’m So sorry to hear that. Who do they […]...
26. Значение идиомы in evidence [in evidence] {adj. phr.} Easily seen; noticeable. The littleboy’s measles were very much in evidence. The tulips wereblooming; spring was in evidence....
27. One day there were these three boys walking down One day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: ‘HELP! HELP!’ When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. […]...
28. Значение идиомы full of beans [full of beans] {adj. phr.}, {slang} 1. Full of pep; feeling good;in high spirits. The football team was full of beans after winningthe tournament. The children were full of beans as they got readyfor a picnic. 2. also [full of prunes] Being foolish and talkingnonsense. You are full of prunes; that man’s not 120 years […]...
29. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, “Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.” “What did it say on the banners?” Clinton asks. Saddam replies, “Allah is god, god is Allah.” Clinton says, “You know, Saddam, I […]...
30. Bill Clinton’s haircut Before his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, “How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?” Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him […]...
31. Save the country A woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and scarf and says, “I received your emergency phone call, Mrs. Clinton, and came right away, but what could “I” possibly do to save the country?” Mrs. Clinton: “Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit…”...
32. A letter to John Hinkley Mr. John Hinkley St. Elizabeth Hospital Washington D. C. Dear John, Hillary and I just wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our country’s new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is […]...
33. UPDATE: Another Major U. S. City Has Made It Mandatory For Pet Stores To Only Sell Rescues Lawmakers in Beverly Hills are following Phoenix, Arizona’s lead. It is now illegal for pet stores in Beverly Hills to sell dogs and cats that are not from a shelter or rescue. Beverly Hills council member Lili Bosse told the Huffington Post: “I am the biggest animal lover and feel strongly about giving them a […]...
34. President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip – a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. “I’d salute […]...
35. Signing Professional Athletes Nick: I don’t care what it takes. I want Robinson on my team next year. Jamie: He’ll be a Free agent and he’ll be Fielding a lot of offers. I don’t know if we can make him an attractive enough Deal. Nick: We’ll offer him a Signing bonus. That should Sweeten the deal. Jamie: I’m […]...
36. A Destructive Storm Allen: Are you all right? Monica: Yes, we’re fine, but that Blizzard really Caught us off guard, especially this time of year. Have you seen the news? Allen: I just watched it. Overnight, the storm Felled over 30 trees in and around the town and Toppled utility lines. City officials are saying that some Residents […]...
37. Clinton at the parade The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992’s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had […]...
38. Candidate Clinton vs President Clinton Candidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the […]...
39. Перевод слова deal Deal – сделка Перевод слова Firm deal – надежная сделка to sign a deal – подписать соглашение backroom deal – закулисная сделка OK, it’s a Deal. Хорошо, договорились. He is easy to Deal with. С ним легко иметь дело. It’s a Deal. По рукам!...
40. Asking for a Date I Admit it. I’m a Player. I work in an office where there are a lot of Attractive women. Take Debra, for example. I heard that she just Broke up with her boyfriend last week so I decided to ask her out. Liam: Hi, Debra. How’s it going? Debra: Okay, I guess. How about you? […]...