Wife comes home to find the old man shagging the dog

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1. Wife comes home to find the old manWife comes home to find the old man humping the dog in the front room. «My God Henry», she screams, «I know you’ve had other woman but this time you’ve gone too far!» «You may be right» he says, «I think I’m stuck.»...
2. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husbandA wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, «You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!» Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, ... Читать далее...
3. A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified toA wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving along ... Читать далее...
4. A husband and wife were out playing golfA husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in ... Читать далее...
5. Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wifeRobinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, «You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.» «Really,» said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. «What is it?» «Back to back.» «But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.» «Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple ... Читать далее...
6. A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breastsA man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, «What are you doing?» She replies, «I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.» The husband retorts, «Well, what did he say about your 50 year ... Читать далее...
7. A construction worker came home just in time to find his wifeA construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, «Stop! ... Читать далее...
8. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
9. A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noisesA man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, «help, help, I am having a heart attack», the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run ... Читать далее...
10. Being a Stay-at-Home DadGladys: Hi, Dan. I’m surprised to see you here at the supermarket in the middle of the day. Dan: Why? Gladys: I thought you’d be working. Dan: I am working. I’m a Stay-at-home dad and I take care of the kids while my wife goes to work. Gladys: Oh, did you get Laid off from ... Читать далее...
11. An old retired man goes to his wife one dayAn old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, «I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.» The wife says, «No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.» Husband replies, «Our savings are all gone and you ... Читать далее...
12. These two guys are car pooling home from work one dayThese two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. «Look», he shouts «What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?» The ... Читать далее...
13. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversaryA man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, «When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?» The husband replied, «All I wanted to do ... Читать далее...
14. The wife of an older man is distraughtThe wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, «listen, I don’t do this for ... Читать далее...
15. A man and wife entered aA man and wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, «I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.» You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her ... Читать далее...
16. A wife begins to get a little worried becauseA wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. «What happened?» says the wife. «You should have been ... Читать далее...
17. Harry and his wife are driving in the countryHarry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, «Cow For Sale…$5000.» He pulls in and says to the farmer, «There’s no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars.» The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this.» He lifts the cow’s tail, and Harry sees ... Читать далее...
18. Miles Dobson was away from home on businessMiles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he called home, his wife told him, «Miles, they had your name in the obits today.» «What! In the obituary column! That’s not only disgraceful but bad journalism. I’ll sue ’em.» «Tell me, Miles,» his wife asked tremulously, «wh…wh…where are you calling from?»...
19. A man gets home early from workA man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. «What’s up?» he says. «I’m having a heart attack,» cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, ... Читать далее...
20. After the party, as the couple was driving homeAfter the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, «Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?» The flattered husband said, «No, dear they haven’t.» The wife yells, «Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?»...
21. Man and wife at the zooIt’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one ... Читать далее...
22. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wifeA concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, «Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.» «Well,» the doctor replied, «go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say ... Читать далее...
23. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husbandAll of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, «What was that for?» Wife said, «Because, you are a bad fuck». Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, «And may I ask what’s that about?» Husband said, » ... Читать далее...
24. The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignmentThe CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, «We need to know that ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод слова wifeWife — жена Перевод слова To take to wife — взять в жены house-wife — домашняя хозяйка disloyal wife — неверная жена He split with his Wife. Он порвал со своей женой. He met his Wife at work. Он познакомился со своей женой на работе. My Wife never worked. Моя жена никогда не работала. Интересные ... Читать далее...
26. An elderly couple in a senior homeAn elderly couple in a senior’s home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys’s penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. «What’s she got that I ... Читать далее...
27. Wife-taming methodTwo married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, «You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. ... Читать далее...
28. Just like my wifeA completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, «I’m sorry. I thought you were my ... Читать далее...
29. Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife saidVisiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, «I want you to help me get a divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.» «What do you mean?» asked the attorney. «Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?» «No,» replied the ... Читать далее...
30. The couple was dining out when the wife noticedThe couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. «Elliot,» she said, pointing «do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?» The husband looked over and nodded. «Well,» the woman continued, «he’s been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!» The husband returned ... Читать далее...
31. A man says to his wifeA man says to his wife, «Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.» Wife says, «I dont want to go.» Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, «It tastes like sh*t. Man says, ... Читать далее...
32. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunkThere was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, «ATTENTION ALL» and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says» Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.» The drunks replies,» I’m sorry I ... Читать далее...
33. Judy arrived home from her dateJudy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good time? «Oh», sighed Judy, «I had a wonderful time.» «I thought as much», her mother ... Читать далее...
34. Not that my wife is the jealous type or anything, but one day at workNot that my wife’s the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. ... Читать далее...
35. A man took his wife to the doctorsA man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said «Your wife’s mind has completely gone!» To which the man replied «I’m not surprised. She’s been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!»...
36. The American in Hong KongThe American in Hong Kong was talking to his wife one evening over supper. «Get this…» he chuckled, «That ridiculous janitor of ours claims he’s made love to every woman in the building except one.» «Hmmmmmmmmm,» said his wife, assuming a thoughtful faraway type expression, «must be that stuck-up Mrs. Stewart on the eighth floor.»...
37. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-upAn old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, «So how has life been treating you?» The old man replies,»The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when ... Читать далее...
38. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one nightA farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,»Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.» His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, «Mother, if this ... Читать далее...
39. Marriage quotes 11My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one ... Читать далее...
40. A wife was berating her husbandA wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, «Don’t unleash the beast in me.» The wife snickered and replied, «Unlike a lot of women, ‘dear’, I’m not the least bit afraid of a mouse.»...