What’s on your back

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1. So this Mexican dude was taking a piss on the side of a building So this Mexican dude was taking a piss on the side of a building and this white dude sees him. After the Mexican is done the white guy asks him, “How come you Mexicans don’t wash your hands after you pee?” And the Mexican guy replies, “Because we Mexicans don’t piss in our hands”...
2. Jump out of the plane An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says ” We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one […]...
3. Перевод слова American American – американский, американец Перевод слова American states – американские государства; страны американского континента American colonies – английские колонии в Северной Америке of American make – американского производства Her mother is American. Ее мать – американка. She spoke with an American accent. Она говорила с американским акцентом. Интересные факты Обратите внимание, что в английском языке […]...
4. German Jokes Q: How does a German eat mussels A: *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* … AUFMACHEN!!! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Q: What’s […]...
5. Golf lessons A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks […]...
6. Значение идиомы one-night stand [one-night stand] {n. phr.} 1. A single performance given by atraveling company while on a tour. After they went bankrupt in thebig cities, the traveling jazz quartet played one-night stands in thecountry. 2. A brief affair or sexual encounter. “With AIDS allaround us?” said Jane. “Nobody is having one-night stands anymore.”...
7. The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris, France, and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently studied the array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled over to him. “Do you have something in mind?” she asked. “I certainly do, ma’am,” the American emphatically replied. “That’s why I want a […]...
8. Перевод слова German German – немецкий, немец, немецкий язык Перевод слова New word of German mintage – новое слово немецкого происхождения an obscure German poet – малоизвестный немецкий поэт words borrowed from the German – слова, заимствованные из немецкого the Germans – немцы He improved his German. Он продвинулся в изучении немецкого языка. He is originally German. Он […]...
9. Two men and one woman Long, but pretty good: On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 […]...
10. One day in class the teacher One day in class the teacher has sex education. On the black board she draws a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is. In the back of the room, Dirty Johnny stands and says “That’s a penis, and my father has two of them”. The teacher looks surprised and […]...
11. Three vampires go to a bar Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.” The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, “I vould like some blood.” […]...
12. Перевод слова straight Straight – прямой, прямо Перевод слова The straightest way to – самый прямой путь в straight run – беспосадочный полет to ride straight – ехать напрямик to drink straight from the bottle – пить прямо из горлышка Are you going Straight to London? Вы едете прямо в Лондон? He shot Straight. Он метко выстрелил. He […]...
13. Travel in the far east Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family. Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of […]...
14. An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened […]...
15. You are in trouble An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself “Oh God, I’m screwed!!!!!.” There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: “No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your […]...
16. China blames America Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands. China blames U. S. for second mid-air collision! Beijing (Reuters) […]...
17. Today we are niggers Black And His Son A black man and his son are on a plane heading home back to Africa. During the plane flight theres a problem, the plane is overweight. On the overhead an annoucement comes on. “We are having overweight problems so we are going to have to throw some people off of the […]...
18. Iraqi vs. American Average Iraqi Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors Average American Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme park Average Iraqi Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation Average American Willing to participate in People’s Choice […]...
19. Canada America An American will say, “Hot day!” A Canadian will say, “Hot day, eh?” meaning “It’s a hot day, isn’t it?” This is something deeper than spelling or pronunciation. It goes to the heart of the less-assertive Canadian character. The United States was born when Americans revolted against King George III and asserted their independence. Canada […]...
20. A Mexican, a black, and a white guy A Mexican, a black, and a white guy are in a bar having a drink when a good-looking girl comes up to them and says “whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me”. So the white guy says “I love liver and cheese.” she says “that’s not good enough.” The black […]...
21. US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school. After fifteen minutes speaking he says: ‘I will now answer any questions you have.’ Bobby stands up and says: ‘I have four questions’: 1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven’t you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why […]...
22. Punishment that fits the crime Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks “why are you here?” The schnauzer responds, “I’m 17 years old. I don’t see or hear very well. I’ve been […]...
23. Перевод слова single Single – один, одинокий, одиночный, единственный Перевод слова A single purpose – единственная цель a single eye-glass – монокль young singles – несемейная молодежь a single tree – одиноко стоящее дерево Are you married, Single, or divorced? Вы замужем, одиноки или разведены? Being Single is not a crime. Быть холостым – не преступление. The police […]...
24. Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “241.” “That is wonderful!,” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!” Next Albert introduces himself […]...
25. I saw a pen in a store the other day I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it cause it was prettier than most. The clerk said, “It’s made in Germany”. I said, “That’s too bad, I can’t use it then”. The clerk said, “What’s the matter? You don’t like German pens?” I […]...
26. Accountant and farmer A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock”. The shepherd thinks it over. It’s a big […]...
27. German Corporate Culture – Немецкая корпоративная культура German Corporate Culture differs from Anglo-American Corporate Culture significantly. The main difference is that the controlling and managing functions are divided between two branches of authorities. So the management system consists of 2 parts: the Supervision Council and the Governance Cabinet. In German Corporate Culture control share holding is concentrated in the hands of wealthy […]...
28. Man walks into a supermarket and buys Man walks into a supermarket and buys : 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner The girl at the checkout looks at him and says “Single are you?” The man replies very sarcastically “How did you […]...
29. Значение идиомы stand for [stand for] {v.} 1. To be a sign of; make you think of; mean. The letters “U. S. A.” stand for “United States of America.” Thewritten sign “=” in an arithmetic problem stands for “equals.” Ourflag stands for our country. The owl stands for wisdom. 2. Tospeak in favor of something, or show that you […]...
30. A lesson in ebonics A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell ‘before.’ He stands up and says, “Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.” The teacher says, “No, that’s wrong. Can anyone else spell before?” Another little boy stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.” Again the teacher says, “No, that’s wrong.” The teacher asks, […]...
31. Out All Night Drinking An Irishman’s been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat […]...
32. Clean Humor about the Irish It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: “Lads, I’m here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, […]...
33. Значение идиомы go straight [go straight] {v. phr.}, {slang} To become an honest person; leadan honest life. After the man got out of prison, he went straight. Mr. Wright promised to go straight if the judge would let him gofree....
34. Значение идиомы shoot straight [shoot straight] or [shoot square] {v.}, {informal} To act fairly;deal honestly. You can trust that salesman; he shoots straight withhis customers. We get along well because we always shoot squarewith each other. – [straight shooter] or [square shooter] {n.},{informal} Bill is a square-shooter. – [straight-shooting] {adj. } The boys all liked the straight-shooting coach....
35. Chinese plane crash Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands. In a heroic dogfight, fought over international waters off the […]...
36. Значение идиомы on the move [on the move] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} 1. Moving around from place toplace; in motion. It was a very cold day, and the teacher watchingthe playground kept on the move to stay warm. It was vacationtime, and the highways were full of families on the move. 2. Movingforward; going somewhere. The candidate promised that if […]...
37. Значение идиомы straight off [straight off] {adv. phr.} At once; immediately. After school isover, you come home straight off, and don’t waste time. He askedhis father for the car, but his father said straight off that hecouldn’t have it....
38. Clean St. Patrick’s Day Jokes An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, “Oy vey! What a wreck!” The priest asks him, “Are you all right, Rabbi?” The Rabbi responds, “Just a little shaken.” The priest pulls a […]...
39. Перевод сленгового выражения straight, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: straight Перевод: 1. честный, прямой, ясный; 2. гетеросексуалист, “натурал” Пример: He wouldn’t give me a straight answer. Он все не давал мне прямого ответа. I’m pretty sure he’s straight. Я вполне уверен, что он натурал....
40. Перевод слова move Move – двигать, двигаться, перемещаться Перевод слова To move in a circle – двигаться по кругу to move clockwise – двигаться по часовой стрелке to move earth – перемещать грунт to move into town – переехать в город The clock doesn’t Move. Часы не идут. They want to Move an amendment to the bill. Они […]...