What kind of a woman

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1. A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aidA woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, «How many children do you have?» «Ten,» she replied. «What are their names?» he asked. «LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy,» she answered. «They’re all named LeRoy?» he asked «What if you want them ... Читать далее...
2. A talking birdOne man wanted to make a special gift for his mother on the Mother’s day. He run out of ideas but then found a pet shop where was birds that could sing, talk and dance. The price was 5 thousand dollars, but he bought two of them and send to his mother as a surprise. ... Читать далее...
3. The woman’s secretAt a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. «No woman,» said one man, scornfully, «can keep a secret.» «I don’t know about that,» huffily answered a woman guest. «I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.» «You’ll let it out some day,» the ... Читать далее...
4. Значение идиомы sleep a wink[sleep a wink] {v. phr.} To get a moment’s sleep; enjoy a bit ofsleep. — Used in negative and conditional statements and in questions. I didn’t sleep a wink all night....
5. Purchasing new brainsA mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I. Q. 20 points. After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center’s director that he was an acceptable candidate. ... Читать далее...
6. FliesA woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. «What are you doing?» She asked. «Hunting Flies» He responded. «Oh. Killing any?» She asked. «Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,» he replied. Intrigued, she asked. «How can you tell?» He responded, «3 were on a beer can, 2 were ... Читать далее...
7. Taking Prescription DrugsPaula: Okay, I’m off to bed. Marcus: Wait a second. Where are you going with all of those Pill bottles? Paula: My doctor Prescribed a couple of Medications to help me sleep. Marcus: Let me see those. You have four different medications here. This is a Painkiller, this is a Sedative, this is a Tranquilizer, ... Читать далее...
8. A great new hearing aidJohn: I got this great new hearing aid the other day. Mary: Are you wearing it now? John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, though. But it’s top of the line. Mary: What kind is it? John: Twelve-thirty....
9. An Other oneThree old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’ A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s ... Читать далее...
10. Bad Bernie was in prison for seven yearsBad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, «F. F.» His wife turned to him and answered, «E. F.» Out on the highway, he ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова kindKind — вид, тип, разновидность; добрый, хороший Перевод слова The wrong kind of paper — не такая бумага, как нужно the wolf is an animal of the dog kind — волк относится к семейству псовых the human kind — род человеческий kind person — добрый человек It’s Kind of you to say that. Очень мило ... Читать далее...
12. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, «Do you know what I’m doing?» «Yes,» she replied, ... Читать далее...
13. Policemen in HeavenSt Peter is standing at heaven’s gate when a man walks up. «Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?» «I was a policeman,» he responded. «What kind of policeman?» St Peter asked. «I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.» «Wonderful my son, ... Читать далее...
14. Best kind of sexA man went to a sex doctor and told him of his extremely active sex life. He said He had a wife, several mistresses, masturbated, and had wet dreams all the time. The doctor asked which he liked best. He Replied, » Wet Dreams, you meet a much higher class of people in them.»...
15. Значение идиомы in kind[in kind] {adv. phr.} In a similar way; with the same kind ofthing. My neighbor pays me in kind for walking her dog. Lowreturned Mary’s insult in kind....
16. Значение идиомы sleep on[sleep on] {v.} To postpone a decision about. We asked Judy ifshe would join our club and she answered that she would sleep on it. We will have to sleep on your invitation until we know whether wewill be free Monday night....
17. What kind of clothes are there?What kind of clothes are there? women: clean & dirty Men: Clean, almost clean, sorta clean, not bad, dirty, really dirty, nasty, biohazzard.(Men will voluntarily wear all but the last classification of these clothes)....
18. Not the Marrying KindStacey: I have a date with George this Saturday. I can’t wait! Brad: Have a good time, but you know what The word on the street is about George, don’t you? Stacey: What? Brad: He’s Not the marrying kind. Stacey: Oh, he just hasn’t met the right girl yet. When he does, he’ll be ready ... Читать далее...
19. Seeing a Circus PerformancePaula: Ta-da! We’re here. This is your big surprise. Roman: We’re going to the Circus? Paula: You Got it in one! It’s going to be great. There’ll be Clowns and Acrobats, Trapeze artists and Lion tamers. Roman: I haven’t been to the circus since I was a kid. Paula: That’s the point. I thought this ... Читать далее...
20. PUPPY LOVEA man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, «Well, son, they’re making a puppy.» The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being ... Читать далее...
21. A man went to the doctor for a check upA man went to the doctor for a check up. «How do you feel?» asked the doctor. «Fine.» he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, «How many times do you have sex per month?» «About two or three.» the man replied. «You should be doing better than that.» the doctor ... Читать далее...
22. As US tourists in IsraelAs US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. «America,» the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the ... Читать далее...
23. The office playboy had a date with an attractive young womanThe office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day someone asked him how things had gone. «She uses too many four-letter words for me,» was the reply. «Really?» «Yes,» answered the playboy. «All evening long she was saying «don’t» and «stop» and «quit that.»...
24. Значение идиомы kind of[kind of] or [sort of] {adv. phr.}, {informal} Almost but notquite; rather. A guinea pig looks kind of like a rabbit, but it hasshort ears. Bob was kind of tired when he finished the job. The teacher sort of frowned but then smiled. Mary wouldn’t tellwhat she wanted to be when she grew up; it ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы wink at[wink at] {v.} To allow and pretend not to know about. John was not allowed to stay out late at night, but his parents winked at his being five minutes late. A judgeshould never wink at any law-breaking....
26. A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly womanA guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I have on my shoulder…I’ll sleep with you.» Guy says: «An alligator?» Woman says: «Close enough»...
27. Ne day, this man, Tony, diedOne day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could ... Читать далее...
28. Him and HerThe Perfect Day — Her 8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale 9:30 Light Breakfast 11:00 Sunbathe 12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 Shopping 2:30 Run into boyfriend’s/husband’s ex and notice she’s gained 30 lbs 3:00 Facial, massage, nap 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and ... Читать далее...
29. Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want adFresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. «I need someone with an accounting degree,» the man said. «But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying ... Читать далее...
30. Bum in need of foodOne afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. «Why are you eating grass?», he asked one man. «We don’t have any money for food.», The poor man replied. ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы it’s a deal[it’s a deal] {informal sentence} Consider it done; OK; it isagreed. «How much for this used car?» Bill asked. «Two thousand,»the man answered. «I’ll give $1,500,» Bill said. «It’s a deal!» theowner answered as they sealed the transaction....
32. A woman reported the disappearance of her husbandA woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him. «Yes, please» she replied. «Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.»...
33. A man walked into a lawyer’s office andA man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. «Fifty dollars for three questions,» replied the lawyer. «Isn’t that awfully steep?» asked the man. «Yes,» the lawyer replied, «and what was your third question?»...
34. Little MermaidThree fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?» She replied, «no sir!» So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, «Did you like that?» «Oh, indeed I did, ... Читать далее...
35. There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the marketThere was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a ... Читать далее...
36. Being Cautious or Thrill-SeekingPaula: Did you get an invitation to Kip and Sheri’s wedding? Robert: Yeah, I did. I’m still trying To wrap my head around the two of them getting married. Never in my wildest dreams would I put those two together. It Boggles my mind that they’re In the least compatible. Paula: What do you mean? ... Читать далее...
37. Moving in TogetherMy girlfriend and I have been Going out for a year and I thought it was time to have a Heart-to-heart with her. Simon: I have something I want to talk to you about. Can you come over here and sit down for a minute? Paula: Uh oh. Is something wrong? Simon: No, nothing’s wrong. ... Читать далее...
38. A fair offerOne day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his ... Читать далее...
39. One night, an 87-year-old womanOne night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to ... Читать далее...
40. Перевод идиомы nothing of the kind, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: nothing of the kind Перевод: ничего подобного Пример: My boss thought that my comments were complaints but I told him that they were nothing of the kind. Мой начальник подумал, что мои замечания были жалобами, но я сказал, что они совсем таковыми не являлись....